10.26.10

Have you ever seen a license plate that says something like BOBS WIF or JRS GIRL ?  How about internet screen names along the lines of "So 'n' So's Honey/Wife/Girlfriend....?  It always irritates the crap out of me when I see something like that.  That a woman could be so wrapped up in her man, she's lost her own identity.  Even if it is a simple thing as a plate or a S.N., she has still reduced herself to property.  I mean, it's great that you love someone so much, but did you lose yourself along the way?  It always reminds me of the Dom/Sub relationship.

And then yesterday I realized, as much as I never wanted to be, I am no different.  I have become the Submissive without even knowing it  Or giving consent!

My face hurts from the acne caused be stress. 

My mouth is sore from chewing my cheek and biting my lip in constant worry.

I don't have laugh lines.  I have frown lines.  And my jaw hurts from clenching my teeth in my sleep.

My stomach is torn up again, and yes, I have started the Prilosec again.

My body does suffer physical pain at the hands of my Dom.  Only he never soothes me when it's over.  He is blissfully unaware.

The only good that has come out of this is the weight I have lost.  40 lbs fell off me so fast, that my stomach has excess skin.  Not much, but I notice it.

These days I am feeling so trapped I might as well be chained to a wall in the basement.  I'm already defeated.

10.8.10

There's no need to argue anymore.
I gave all I could, but it left me so sore.
And the thing that makes me mad,
Is the one thing that I had...

No Need to Argue -Cranberries.

I've been in a very "Cranberries" mood lately.

I'm angry.  So much so that I could commit homicide. 

I'm mostly angry with myself though.  That I could turn into this person.  The 24 year old me would kick my ass if she could see me today.

I NEVER wanted to be a housewife or mother.  There, I said that shit!  I stand at the kitchen sink and cry when no one is looking.  I wash dishes and long to be bent over a body instead, tattoo machine in hand, creating and soothing someones pain.

A few months ago, dear husband and I got into an argument, of no importance what-so-ever.  Except that it was.  He became so furious that he wouldn't let me leave.  I tried.  I was just going to go to work, and since he was so upset, I decided to take the girls to the sitter.  He wouldn't let us leave.

The screaming lead to spitting all over my face in his rage.  His uncontrollable temper found me in my car, with my children freaking out in the back seat, as he held the door so I couldn't close it.  His fury to get the keys away from me, jerked me out towards the door and bashing my head on the frame of the car.  His need to control everything ended up with the spare key broken in the ignition, and a slice on my finger.  His blindness terrorized my oldest child, when he yanked the phone out of her hand and smashed it on the ground when she tried to call grandma.

But alas I am not angry with him.

I am furious with myself.  When the police showed up and asked me if he had hurt me I replied, "Well I hit my head on the door frame of the car when he yanked the keys out of my hand.  But he didn't do it on purpose."

I wonder when this became okay?  That I would unwittingly defend his actions?  Who the fuck is this person inhabiting my skin?
And now everyday I wonder what happened to the girl who would have elbowed him in the throat and cut his balls off.

For the record, I told him I wanted a divorce.  I told him to get out of my house.  He won't leave, and neither will I.  This is my children's home.  They go to school here, and have friends here.  They should not suffer because he is a stubborn ass.

So for now I stand at the kitchen sink and cry.

10.3.10

Holdin' on
That's what I do
Since I met you.

And it won't be long
Would you notice
If I left you?

Cranberries-Daffodils Lament

Who's That Girl?

I wrote over on Venus and Mars yesterday about the person I was and who I have become.  It ended up being a pretty good topic for discussion.  Head on over there to see what people are saying about...

Once upon a time, in a land far away, just outside Detroit, I was a girl with a dream. I was a single mother with a 1 year old in tow. I knew I needed to figure out what I was going to do with the rest of my life and get started on it. 

I had always been immersed in the world of art, starting at a very young age. I was always drawing, and sometimes painting. I took many classes to fend off my feelings of insecurity, about the craft. But deep down I knew, no one can really make a career out of drawing. 

That was until I realized, I was in MI, and tattooing was legal there. I took the bull by the horns, walked into a studio and made fast friends with one of the old dogs of the tattoo world. I got an apprenticeship immediately. I never felt as “at home” as I did in the studio. It was a one man show, and the owner, Doc, ended up being the closest thing I had to a father... EVER! 

I wanted it so badly, that I worked 10 hours a day, six days a week there. The apprenticeship did not pay, so in order to support my daughter, I worked the graveyard shift at a gas station. I went on this way for months, exhausting myself. I ended up in the hospital at one point, but it did not slow me down. I was on my way to being a rock star of the tattoo world, and nothing ever tasted so sweet. 



The Inner Demon

And then one day, I had to come back to the East Coast on short notice. Not long after that I met my, would be, husband. In the time that we dated, I purchase my own tattoo equipment, almost $4000 worth. I was determined to continue on my journey, and worked on myself and my friends. I occasionally made the trip back to see Doc, where we would spend the day in the studio working on my skills. I was getting good, and I was building a client list. People who only wanted to be tattooed by me. During that time, tattooing became legal here. But by the time I was ready to go back into that world, I was pregnant and engaged.  


Irish and American Indian Heritage

We'll just skip right to the end of this story. Shortly after we were married, my husband informed me that he didn't want me to get any more tattoos, because he didn't want to be married to a 'biker bitch'. Oh and it wouldn't be good for our relationship, if I went to work in a studio. What he expressed was we were a young family, and I would be spending to much time away in the evenings. 

So I put my dream away. I put on my happy face, and calmed my inner wild child. I eventually took my tongue ring out, and tried harder to conform, to not rock the boat, to keep the peace. A fat lot of good it's done me. It's been 10 years since I walked into that studio. And everyone one around me is miserable, most of all me. 

I still dream, at night, about working in the studio. About getting the tattoos I worked out in my head all those years ago. Thinking about it now makes my heart feel like someone is squeezing it. 

About a month ago, after another screaming session with my husband, I sat and thought about my life. I spent a week seething with anger, waiting for him to say he was sorry, again. When I realized that this time, it was not coming, I started to think about what I want out of life. For the first time in a long time, I put everyone else on the back burner. I decided it was time to be a little selfish. 

With a little patience, I managed to work the barbell back into my tongue. It's my armor, it makes me feel like the tough girl I used to be. Before I settled for someone elses idea of what my life should be. 

It took him 2 days to notice, but when he finally did, I decided it was time to tell him. I am going to try to get back into the tattoo world . It's been 10 years, so I will need to re-apprentice. But I don't care. I need this so badly, I can manage to put everything aside, and focus on what I need to do to make this happen. 

He is not happy. I tried to explain it as nicely as I could, but the point was, he doesn't have a choice, or any say in the matter. I used to be a bad ass. I used to have the temper of a raging bull if you pushed me too far. I used to walk around, all my ink show, proud. I used to have a mouth worse than any drunkin' sailor. I used to be outgoing, and make fast friends. I was strong and confident and beautiful in my determination. I was on my way to being a rock star in the tattoo world. I am none of those things anymore. 

Somethings that have changed are for the best. My children don't need to hear my former foul mouth. And the chances of me ending up in jail, because I hit my husband with a vacuum while he screamed horrible names at me... slim to none! But I miss the person I used to be. I want to be that happy go lucky person. I want to look forward to getting up every morning. I want to hear peoples life stories, while they sit in my chair. I miss helping people heal part of their pain through a tattoo. I want back the excitement of planning a piece of meaningful art. To see it realized in their skin. To be humbled that they would wear my art, for the world to see.


Dealing With The Lose of a Newborn

I am not sure how this life would have turned out if giving up my dream had made a difference.  If my husband was not always angry and hateful.  It might have been worth our happiness then.  But that's not the way it turned out.  So... I am choosing my happiness over him.  When the girls go back to school in the Fall, I will begin the journey again.  And I will find happiness in the person I used to be, whether he stands beside me or not. 


OK, so what do you think?  Head over to Venus/Mars to add to the discussion.

The Saga Continues

I am holding on to the edge by my fingertips alone.  Taking shallow breathes, as if inhaling to deeply might send me falling over the ridge.
The muscles in my jaw hurts, and my teeth ache, from the constant scowl.  I can hear my own teeth grinding.  I can feel the muscles clench and unclench.
I found myself walking around yesterday, with my hands slightly out from my sides and all of my fingers fully extended.  I am really trying hard not to clench my fists into tight balls, because I really want to punch someone, just to make myself feel better.  My need for violence, to put into action what I feel inside, is nearly painful.  Which only points out further that he has no idea of the person I was.  That I still feel I could be.  The fight not to destroy things leaves me trembling sometimes.

Itty Bit noticed that I had twisted a strand of my own hair so much that it stayed that way, dangling next to my face.  My husband then fingered the strand and said that it looked like a nervous wreck.  He was so close to me and it made me so uncomfortable, that I could have punched him.  Instead, I explained that the strand kept falling out of my clip, so I twisted it so that it would stay behind my ear.  Of course it was a lie, but I don't want him to think he has that much of an affect on me.

He still hasn't apologized.  6 days later and he is still holding his tongue.  I realized a couple of days ago, that it's OK.  I mean really, how many times can you hear "I'm sorry" and still believe it?

No Subject

Couples fight.  I get that.  No 2 people are going to agree on everything all the time.  But I wonder, is it common to say mean and hurtful things to the person your supposed to love?

Don't misunderstand me, we don't fight often.  I am a peace keeper.  But every now and then, he boils over.  Is it my fault that he bottles it up until it spills out like lava?  Apparently, yes!

Last night he was in rare form.  He picked and yelled and cursed at me, until I bit back.  Somewhere deep down I think he enjoys being angry, irritated, and feeling sorry for himself.  The short of it is: I am selfish, and lazy.  A liar and a bitch.  I always get my way.  I don't respect him, the kids don't respect him.  I act as though he is only here to earn a paycheck, so I can do whatever the fuck I want to do.  It clicked for me at some point.  That this is how he always feels.  This garbage bubbles under the surface for him all the time.

He ranted and raved and said things like "I'm sorry, I can't give you anything else.  I can't be the perfect husband.  I'm sorry you can't change me into the person you want me to be, anymore than you already have."  And then the mutha fucker said "I'm sorry I'm not Edward."  I was literally at a lose for words.  I just stood there starring at him, with what I'm sure was an incredulous look on my face.  Until he said something about, I had nothing to say now, huh?

I was seething.  So angry I was shaking.  The crushing weight of it, I thought I would pass out or vomit.  So I said to him "Get it all out.  Finish screaming at me, so I can bawl my eyes out and go to bed, and you can feel like shit in the morning."  Then he told me I do these things on purpose.  Become irritated at him so I don't have to give him sex.  I looked at him and squinted my eyes.  That was it for me.  I let the mouth run off and said to him "Really?  You think this is better for me?  You think it wouldn't be easier for me to drop to my knees right now and give you what you want, because this-" my hands motioned around the room and at him "this is going to go on for the next 2 fucking hours!"  I actually saw a vision of me going down on him and THEN gutting his ass with a boning knife.  That's when I knew.  It didn't matter what I said, he was still going to be wrapped up in his self pity, for his horrible fucking life.

He ran through the same shitty things he does every time this happens.  At one point focusing on the fact that I allow my oldest daughter more leeway than I give him.  I said, "yes, I don't expect as much from the 11 year old as I expect from the grown fucking man!"  I was informed that "this is not a democracy, this is a dictatorship, and he is going to be the dick.  And that just because I sit calmly and don't scream doesn't mean I am any less disrespectful.  I said "It's like you are in the twilight zone over there."  When I spoke, I was interrupting him.  When I didn't speak, I was ignoring him.  So I give up.  When he asked "What have you ever asked me to do that I didn't do?"  I started screaming.  "This.  This right here.  You yelling at me, belittling me, saying hurtful things and insulting me, because you hold it all in until you burst."

At one point he 'went to sleep in the car'.  Which is his 2 year old way of saying, 'come after me.  make me feel better.'  I didn't.  After about 20 minutes he came back 'for a pillow', and picked at me some more.

The funny thing is: I was in a great mood yesterday.  I couldn't wait to roll around naked with my husband after the girls went to bed.  And then he sat down at the table and opened his mouth.  When DQ asked an open ended question, he actually said "Are you really that stupid?" to her.  And I ran cold.  And I suspect I will be for a long time.

I did tell him that his temper, and curt comments... the only people they are going to affect is the girls.  It's going to affect how the grow up and the people they become.

How is a man able to scream and yell at his wife, until tears burn down her cheeks, and not be affected by it?  Instead turn those tears against her and say "it's all about you.  Don't give a fuck what anyone else is feeling, just that your being hurt."  At one point I did think 'Your right.  You will never be Edward.  Because he is a fictional character.  That's why we all love him.  Because he would never treat his wife like this.  He would never say these things to the person he loves.'

And now I am left sitting here trying to find the strength to kick him out.  Again.  Because after all this time, and everything we have been through, I know it's not going to change.  I am trying to sift through what would be the best thing for the girls.  But my head is swimming.  I called into work today, because I can't speak without choking on my words.  I want to call his best friend and ask her opinion.  But her son is in the hospital right now.  I can not burden her further.  I want to call my best friend and my mother, and cry on their shoulder.  But I don't think it will do any good.  It certainly won't resolve my problem.

Been a While RTT

You know the deal, write your Random Tuesday Thoughts, head over to The Un-Mom, link up and visit everyone else.  OK, it sounds complicated, but it's really not.


Mosquito season already?  My oldest, DQ, and I are highly allergic to these little bastards.  Which means I bat violently at them, as if they were wasps.  Because first is the itch, which is almost bearable.  But then the swelling, heat and pain.  Urg...


School is almost out here.  The girls keep reminding me, daily, of the countdown.  7 days left.  I bet my countdown to when they are bored with summer will be even shorter.  I give it 3 days before they are making me absolutely insane with "We're Bored."


I hired a high school girl to come watch the girls 3 days a week.  Just for part of the day.  So I can still work at the fabric store.  The more time I spend away from the house, the less I will have to hear "We're Bored."


Did you watch the MMAs on Sunday?  The buzz all over the net was "Will Rob and Kristen be 'together'?"  Really?  Who gives a shit?  Well, actually, apparently a lot of people do.  I am not one of them.  People, People.  They are not the characters from the book.  They are human beings just like you and me.  For Christs sake, leave them alone.


My, drug addict, sister in law is a cow and I wish she would get hit by a bus.  So long as she is not with my nephew when she is crossing the street!

Out and About

Anyone local?  Anyone local planning to buy the new Stephanie Meyer book?  


I will be out at the midnight release party: Barnes and Nobles TCC Norfolk.
They will be giving away one of my little chokers to the first 20 people to buy a book tonight.  Yeah!


If you were thinking about going out tonight, you should stop by and say HI!


OK, That's all for me.

G.D. M.F. SOB

Yep, those letters mean just what you think they do...

So my neighbor comes over, and we get to talking about this girl that DQ became instant best friends with.  Which I think is great.  Someone her own age, rather than the little kids she has been stuck with.  And I actually like the girl, and she adores me, but mostly because she wants Twilight goodies.

Well Neighbor lady says, my daughter is not allowed to play over at new girls house, because there is a sex offender that lives close by there.

So we hop on my computer and look up the registry, and not 1 but 2 offenders live on the girls street.  OK, so neighbor and I go take a ride to see where they are in relation to new girls house.  Neighbor thinks that one of the addresses is actually New Girls house.


So I drop her at home and come pick up DQ.  I have DQ show me exactly which house it is that her friend lives at.  Yep, it's one of the addresses.  SHIT!  So I ask DQ "Who all lives there?"  Thinking maybe there is a creepy uncle shacking over there.  DQ says "New girl, Dad, Step mom, step sister and brother."  And I say "The brother is a kid right?"  "Yeah, he is a teenager."


I come home and look at the info online again.  Humn.  At this point I am hoping that it was the previous tenant, and that the registry just hasn't been updated.  I call DQ to come look at the photo, and ask her "Do you know this man?"  "Oh yeah" she says "That's New Girls dad."


WHAT???  Now I am raging mad.  This is not some, "I got caught pissing on a brick wall beside a bar one night" sex offense.  This is indecent liberties with a child.  And my babies have been hanging out over there.  Hey, there ought to be some fucking law.  If the neighborhood kids end up at your house, you should be REQUIRED to tell their parents you have been convicted of a felony against a child!!!


Well, I tried to hide my grief over this revelation.  But I guess DQ is a perceptive kid.  She asked this morning "Am I not allowed to go to New Girls house anymore?"  Of course my answer is no, but damn it.  The girls are like BFF.  And it's not New Girls fault her dad is a creep!


I feel like a fucking idiot for not checking sooner.  But really, do I have to investigate every neighbor?  In my defense, DQ has only been over there a couple of times, and Itty Bit only once.  And unfortunately, they will NOT be going back.  I feel bad for the girls, but I have to be a good parent.  I told DQ that New Girl is always welcome here.  And somehow she understood, but was still disappointed.


Indecent liberties with a child, as defined by the state where he was convicted is exactly as bad as it sounds.
I really wanted to call Step Mom and say "What the Fuck!"  Now I am wondering what will come next.

Cat With a Drinking Problem

Here is a funny for your Friday!
I had to share...



You can't get most cats near water. Certainly not mine!
Have a good weekend everyone!

Fun in the Works

Soooo...
Remember the other day, I mentioned getting a bunch of cool new fabrics, and I couldn't wait to play with them?  No, of course you don't, because my readership has hit the floor as of late.  Wonder if that has anything to do with my not posting for months...  But I digress.


I did mention something about it.  And here are a few of them in raw uncut form.  Now what to do with it all?


Wine Print


Sparkly fairy print, although you can't see the sparkle...


Comic book food print


Very realistic looking watermelon.  This is actually 2 different fabrics, but I can't wait to put them together.


Vintage looking Alice in Wonderland.


War metals in black and white.



And this awesome print... You'll never guess what it made me think of?  It even has Queen chess pieces.  I wanted the whole bolt, but at 10 bucks a yard, I settled for 2 yards.  Don't tell Sexy papa.

BOLO

Did you guys know that BOLO means Be On the Look Out?  Yeah, you probably knew that.


So here are some things that any like minded people should be looking forward to:


June 5th: The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner will be released.  Stephanie Meyer will be posting the book to read for free on her website.  It will also be released in print on the same day.  $1 of every book sold will go to the American Red Cross.  You can get more info here.  Bree Tanner News.
I will be attending a release party for this... I know your all thinking 'of course she will'  Yeah well, what can I say!  I will be taking along some freebies for my fellow Twilight Junkies!


June 22nd: The next installment of the numbers novels from writer Janet Evanovich will be released.  I know you find it hard to believe that I could be obsessed with anything other than the Twilight series.  Actually, I will have you know, Janet Evanovich was my first book obsession.  My husband knows that it is his duty to secure a copy and keep the kids out of my hair the day it is released!  You can read the beginning of it here.  Sizzling Sixteen.


June 30th:  Do I even have to say it?  Probably not.  But I will say, I have had my tickets since the day they went on pre-sale!  Another nod to the Sexy Papa!  Yes, I will be at the midnight opening on a Wed night!  I may have some freebies for this one too.  We'll have to see how it goes.

Give Me a Break...

...I've been busy.  No, literally.  I have been up to my elbows in things that need to be done... And things that make me happy.


There is news about my nephew, Little Brian.  I'll get into that another day... when it's sunny out and I am less likely to fall into a depression over it.  Last time I had to deal with any of it, I spent the rest of the day in bed, all but moaning.


So here is a quick run down.
I got a silver Volvo.  Not a new shiny one like a certain Cullen.  More like a '99, 4 door, been scraped in 3 of 4 corners, speedometer doesn't work, kinda Volvo.  But the price was right, and it meant I could work during the day while the kids were at school.  No sooner than I started working weekdays, did the thing develop a transmission problem and end up in the shop for 2 weeks.  Urg.


I have taken a break from reading Twilight books.  I am still clearly obsessed.  But I can't get anything done with a book in my face.  So what did I do?  I started making Twilight inspired things.  Sad I know...

Bags...









And Jewelry...











Which lead to other, non Twilight related, jewelry.  But  I haven't had time to photograph those.  Did I mention I've been busy?

I have sold a couple of my Twilight items.  Yay me!  And I will be participating in the 30 Days of Eclipse extravaganza.  I will also be sending her a bag to review.  So if your wondering about the quality, and why they cost so much, you can get your answers over there.


I just finished a twin size rag quilt.  I really thought I was done with those.  I donated all of my finished baby quilts to the children's hospital.  This one was a bear.  But it's done... so now I get to play with all the fabric I found at this little place called Fabric Hut.  I know, I work for Joann's but Fabric Hut has stuff we don't carry.  Like Micheal Miller.  Wait until you see all these great prints I found.


OK I must to go to the grocery store before I have to be at work.  So I will catch up with you guys later.  Have a great day!

Come and play

Real World Venus v. Mars is looking for guest contributors.  You've heard me talk about Real World before, so if your interested head on over...


Here is the link: http://realworldvenusmars.blogspot.com/2010/05/come-and-guest-contribute.html

Lucky Girls

I know... you wish you could do something so cool...
My Mom volunteers at the Marine Science museum.  Why is that cool?  Because every now and then, she takes the girls in "behind the scenes" to hang out with the seals.  While the rest of the visitors have to look at them in the big tank, on the other side of the glass... The girls go into the holding area.  

Today they visited with Hector.  He is a sweet and lovable guy...






Itty Bit is feeling brave





Hector gave DQ a Kiss!




Yep, those are my lucky girls.

Evolution

Could we be seeing evolution before our very eyes? Can you just imagine, cats walking around on 2 legs? Why can't my cat be this cool?

The Standing Cat @ Yahoo! Video

I knew you would love it, that's why I had to share


P.S. I am posting over at Venus Mars today.  Go check it out.

It's That Simple

I love my husband every minute of every day. Even when he is getting on my nerves. But some days, I feel overwhelmed by it. Some days I feel so lucky. Some days I feel like I don't deserve him.

What was it that I texted him the other day... "All that I'm after is a life full of laughter as long as I'm laughing with you" He was a little confused, but I explained it to him. A line from a song that was playing on the radio that made me think of him.

Sometimes I don't think he understands that the best gifts he gives me don't cost a penny. You see I am an artist. Which, by definition, means I am a little crazy. Probably, in my case, it means I am a lot crazy. But he is very patient with me.

When I get in a compulsive mood, I simply must do whatever it is that has demanded my attention. I can't think about anything else. And when other, absolute, needs arise, such as a daily chore, I have a crushing suffocating feeling, until I can get back to my current compulsion.

I paint, though not often anymore.
I draw
I tattoo, again, not as much as I used to.
I sew
I must always be creating something with my hands. Usually it's not a devouring thing. Most times I break away easily to move on to other things throughout the day. But I ALWAYS have something going.

My compulsions are not limited to creating. For example, reading. If I pick up a book, and it's even mildly interesting, I must finish it. It's as if my life depends on it. And if the book happens to be part of a series, the world may very well be shut out for weeks.

At least once a year, my husband becomes a single parent while I read Janet Evanovich. It never takes more than 2 days of reading to come out of the tunnel. But while I am there, He takes on the world. Creates a shield around me so that I am not disturbed.

Then there are the days, when I feel like doing absolutely nothing. He has come home to find me laying in our bed, watching TV... the house in a totally chaotic state. And I am honest with him... I tell him "I just didn't feel like doing anything today." To which he says something like "Your fine babe. Relax and enjoy watching TV."

The best gift my husband gives me is time. Time to do whatever it is that has consumed me.

Some days I feel spoiled.

And did I mention he is hot?








And he loves me... Sometimes I don't know how I got so lucky.

Frustration RTT

It's random Tuesday again. And lemme tell ya, I got some shit on my mind...
Wanna play too? Go hit up Keely The Un Mom. She is the wonderful host of this chaos.

Why oh why don't Etsy buyers leave feedback? Well most of them don't. Other sellers leave feedback, because they know how important it is. But I have noticed buyers that don't have their own shop, usually don't leave it. Other sellers have the same problem. We never had this problem with eBay.

My kids are making me crazy. I think I am more upset about always having to fuss at them, rather than what I am fussing about. They have been without TV and Video games for more than a month. And still they can't pick up their crap. It's not complicated stuff either... I only ask that they don't leave my house looking like a war zone, by keeping up with what belongs to them. I am tired of not being able to open my front door because there are 8 pairs of little girls shoes sitting there. Why is that so hard to do?


The new "Key Holder" at work pissed me off this weekend. She has been working at Joann's a lot longer than me. Keep in mind that I only work 10-15 hours a week.
So the Sunday morning that we worked together, she was late getting to the store.... and was a half hour late opening the store.... If I had realized what time it was I would have told her. When she was questioned by the regional manager, she blamed the late opening on me. Why??? "Well I have never worked on Sunday before. Missy works weekends, she should have known what time the store opens." She totally threw me under the bus. All while I wasn't there to defend myself. Our store manager, Barb, (Who loves me) was there and stuck up for me, but still...
Barb started to tell me about it, but then bit her lip. She didn't want to finish, because she knew I would be mad. I managed to pry it out of her, and she was right, I was mad.
I'm sorry, it's not my job to open the store. She gets paid to be on top of these things, not me. HELLO there is a sign on the fucking front doors! You pass that sign every time you walk through them.
Um, hey Lydia, you picked the wrong one to stab in the back. Because I don't need this job, I will have no problems making your life miserable. Not that I am worried about it. EVERYONE likes me better. Wonder why that is?

I am officially Twilight obsessed. I am so bummed that I have read and watched all available content. Now I can't wait until June 30th...


Find more videos like this on The Twilight Saga


Alright, I am done groaning now. Thanks for letting me vent!

Dear So and So

Kat over at 3 Bedroom Bungalow does this Dear So and So thing. I see it as very therapeutic. So this week I am going to join in.

Dear Bus Driver

If you do not stop blowing that whistle at the kids on the bus, you may find yourself choking on it, as a result of me shoving it down your throat. You scare my Itty Bit, whom you force to sit behind you. And she doesn't misbehave on the bus.

Itty Bit's Protective Mommy -Missy


Dear Family Friend,

Please, please, please, get that car registered. I am, quite frankly, tired of Sexy Papa driving you to work everyday. I haven't been able to use our car in 3 months because of your lack of transportation. But you have a car now, register the damn thing already.

Love you like a brother,
Missy


Dear Twilight Teen Freaks,

While this evening should all be in good fun, waiting for our copies of New Moon... Please remember to respect your elders-that would be me-and let me have my copy first. I will have to get up early and deal with my children. I will need to get home in a timely manner and umm... go to bed, yeah, that's it, go to bed.

The Fiend
Missy


Dear Mom,

Please stop showing up at my house unannounced. It really bugs the piss out of me when you do that. And when you wake me up from a nap, don't be frightened by the angry bear who resembles your daughter. You asked for it!

Your loving daughter
Missy


OK that's gonna do it for me today. If you wanna play, head over to Kat's.

They Turned Me Into A Junkie

I was in no hurry to see the movie. I didn't hear all wonderful things about it. But me being me, you know I would have to see a vampire movie. Like I said, I was in no hurry. So I waited until it came "On Demand" and watched it then.

I had never even heard of the Twilight series before the movie buzz. I was anticipating the newest installment in movie form, but not hanging on the edge of my seat. When the advertisement for the DVD release started running on TV, I decided to check the library to see if they had the second book. Just curious you know.

Well, they did, so I borrowed it. I read it from cover to cover in about 8 hours. It was that good. I love to read and it was an easy book to read. Hummm. I was interested more now that I had read the book. Well the second book anyway. So when I returned it, I got the next book in the series, Eclipse. Again, I made short work of it. When I went to return it, They did not, to my grave disappointment, have the final book. So I drove my happy ass to the store and bought it. I think that I will donate it to the library. Now that I have finished it in record time.

I am going through withdraw. Like a junkie that can't get a hold of any. My only relief will be on Sat. when they release the DVD. What the hell am I going to do with myself until then?



I guess I could just sit here, looking at the poster, drumming my fingers.

Helpful Insight...

Have I ever told you about Venus vs. Mars... The blog? I think I have mentioned that I write over there sometimes. But I don't suppose I have ever told you about the blog itself.

The actuall name is In The Real World Venus vs. Mars or RWVM for short. And it is a little golden gem of a blog in a sea of relatively simple blogs. What I mean is, most blogs are a one person show. Where the author writes about what they want to say. Which is good. I frequent personal blogs and craft blogs. But RWVM is something entirely different.

RWVM is a collaboration of grown ups, 12 women and 7 men, writing about the many aspects of relationships. Our little group is led by Shelle. She is very good at organizing us, and keeping the topic list full.

Everyone is allowed to say their piece. In fact, it's sort of the point to get the 2 different views between men and women. Each week they have topics that are written about from the view of both different sexes. Then there is the He Said She Said segment, for a serious debate.

It's very light hearted, not at all stressful. But the topics are very real and apply to most, if not all, of the relationships out there. Anything you might imagine would affect a long term relationship is talked about over there.

And if it's not.... Well you could always email Shelle, and she would be willing to bring it up for the group. Every week there is a segment called group therapy, where she puts forth a question or scenario posed by a reader and we all give our take.

I find the blog very useful. I can bounce idea's off other grown-ups. And it is very helpful when trying to gain insight into the males prospective. I am often baffled by the things guys do. I find many of my answers over there.

So if you haven't done so already... go check it out.
The Real World Venus vs. Mars

Random Tuesday-ish

I know, I know... It's been a while. Still, I think the most of us, women especially, will enjoy this one.
For more random-ish fun, visit The Un-Mom.

I had a really crappy weekend. Well not so much crappy, as full. So full that I didn't have time to think about all the things that were going on. BUT... when I got off of work on Sunday night, I came home to a surprise that made the weekend wonderful.

See this bag?



It made the front page of Etsy.
I know that doesn't sound like such a big deal to some. But I compare it, an item your auctioning, making the front page of eBay.



And because of it.. I had sales. Yippee. That made my day.


Itty Bit is so funny. Especially when she not trying to be. Sexy Papa decided to catch her on camera, doing this...



And.. as you can see, the hilarity continued. Well at least I thought it was funny.

I will leave you with some funnies I got in my inbox today:
Mans view of women...
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.

CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says
'HEBREWS'


That's all for today folks. Have a good one!

Can You Feel It?

The cool air lingers less and less. The tulips are starting to peak out, as if checking to make sure the snow is gone. The green is coming. And the sunshine.

It was 70 degrees here yesterday. The windows were wide open. Even if there wasn't much of a breeze, they were still open... all.day.long!

Finally. It's been a rough winter. Not only here, but everywhere. We had more snow this year than in the last 10 years combined. Did I ever mention how much I hate snow?

I need the spring. I need the sunshine, and longer days. Winter is miserable. I am one of those people... the light makes me happy. I don't know how it works, I just know it does.

I was inspired yesterday. I have been locked in the studio for weeks. Trying to make myself feel better. Trying to relieve my troubled heart with creation. Yesterday, I made my way out to the living room to sit next to the open window. And I felt better.

I have a whole pile of stuff to photograph and list. Which I don't much care for. I would rather just create. But alas, I have to get rid of some of this stuff, and replace some of the money in the "fabric fund".

I'll let ya know how it goes. Time to wake the babies.

I Don't Wanna

I have so much to do today, and I would rather just sew. I have been in a compulsive sewing mood. It really is the thing that makes me happy. I have been making some laptop sleeves and cute new bags. I really like these, because they only take about a 1/2 yard of each fabric. That means I can use all the cute fabrics I have at my store.









I have a whole stack of super fun fabrics to play with. Cupcakes and sweet treats. Some Alexander Henry "apples and pears". Polka dots and swirls.

I would love nothing more than to just sit in the studio all day and work.

But alas, the girls' birthday party is tomorrow. So I must bake a cake. Do some laundry. Mop the kitchen and other general clean up stuff. I also have to go to the store and get the last minute party stuff. But I really don't want to.

In other news, The Constant Chill gave me an award yesterday. I love reading her, she is so funny. But I am too lazy to follow the rules, so I am going to hold off for now. But I do thank her. I love being awarded for my... for my... what the hell is it that I have or am? Well whatever it is, it's nice that people recognize it as something worth awarding. If that makes any sense?

Just ask...

Let me begin by saying: I am in no way being compensated for this blog post, or any other up to this point. Rather I just wanted to tell you about a good company. Often blogs can be used as a marketing tool, for good and bad. Lets face it, when a company does something wrong, you can find it in blogland. But how often do you read about a good thing, when the blogger is not being paid.

So.... When hubby and I were first married, my Mom bought us a nice Revere Ware pan. 12" non-stick skillet with a lid. I love this pan, because it's so huge. I was so very bummed when my dip-shit SIL scratched it, while washing dishes in a drug induced stupor. But I still loved it.

A couple of weeks ago, the handle to the lid came off. I always thought Revere Ware was a good name in pans. I tried to put it back on, but the threads were stripped.

I took a couple of days to mull it over. Wondering what I could do to reattach the handle. Then I thought, "Well I am a mouthy broad. I'll just email Revere Ware, and see what they say." So I did.
I was nice about it through. I explained that it was my favorite pan, but that the lid was broken. And then I asked them what I should do about it.

3 days later I got a reply:
We are sorry about this. Under the circumstances, we are sending a replacement. Please discontinue using the lid and throw it away once the replacement arrives.

A couple of days after that, Fed-X knocked on my door and delivered a new pan lid. AWESOME!

Now this is not the first time I have contacted a company about a faulty product. I often get a refund or replacement. I am all about taking a product back to the store if it doesn't do what it promises. But I think it's easy to forget that companies want to please their customers. We paid good money for said product, we should get what we paid for. When something goes wrong, there is no harm in asking the company to make it right.

As for me, Thanks Revere Ware, I promise to keep loving your pan!

My Little Itty Bit

I know, I know, we all say it... But it's true...

Seems like I just brought this thingy dingy home from the hospital...



Seems like only last week that I was so frustrated with the sleepless nights and the endless messes. Cleaning high chairs and bottles and butts...



I would swear she was just learning to walk. And she was just up to my knee.



It's hard to imagine that years ago she celebrated a different birthday with the seals at Grandma's Aquarium.



And now look at Itty Bit....
6 Years old. How the heck did that happen???
Every year, I feel the same... like I turned around and they grew up.



Though this time I fear the only thing that grew was her hair.

This morning she informed me, as we walked to the bus stop, "Mom, 6 year olds don't hold their mother's hand." I'm sorry to inform you, Itty Bit, but you will always be my baby, and I will always hold your hand.

Could you do Mommy a favor, and slow down a little?
Happy Birthday Itty Bit.

Sponge Bob and Other Kids Shows

I wrote a post over on Real World Venus vs. Mars , with Tysdaddy, yesterday. In it I mentioned that my kids are not allowed to watch certain TV programs, Sponge Bob being one of them. Everyone seemed to be curious as to why. I can imagine, the world being as obsessed with Sponge Bob as they are, that this puzzles some people.

There are actually a lot of characters I don't allow in my house. Bratz, Hello Kitty, Yo Gabba Gabba... Sponge Bob got added to the list a few years ago.
Hubby was sitting watching TV with DQ one sunny afternoon. Sponge Bob was on. No problem right? Well the show had a disturbing twist. See Sponge Bob and some other character thought they had accidentally killed someone. They dealt with this by trying to bury the character. That was the topic of the show. Trying to bury the "dead" guy. Turns out he wasn't really dead. I guess in the writers mind, that made it all right. My husband, on the other hand, did not find it even remotely entertaining. My husband saw all the corrupt morals of the show not to mention the crime of conspiring to cover up a death. Needless to say he was livid, and THAT was the end of Sponge Bob.
I had to agree with him. I never liked the show to begin with. I never saw any good morals or education in it. So I had no hard feelings when it was cut out of our list of acceptable TV.

As for the other shows... I refuse to pay into any character who encourages kids to act... well... Bratty. I get enough of that, I don't need any help. Hello Kitty brings about images of nearly grown women at raves carrying Hello kitty clutches and what not. And Yo Gabba Gabba.... Come on? Could there be a more irritating show on television? It makes me cringe. I can't justify having this fruit loop piped into my living room...!

Still 29 and Holding

Yesterday was my birthday... Thanks to everyone for the well wishes.

I was kind of bummed out, because everyone was gone. My mom brought me banana bread, which I ate for lunch. She didn't stay long though. Which was OK, because I have been working in the studio lately, and I can't do that if I have company. But she gave me birthday money, which I will promptly use at Joann's!

So I spent most of yesterday with my ear buds in, sewing up a storm. I developed a couple of new patterns. A kindle sleeve, an Iphone/Ipod holder, a stick MP3 player case, and a tea-to-go pouch. Expect to see these and the patterns for them in my etsy shop soon.

I didn't do dishes, or vacuum, or laundry. I played, which was nice.

Then we went to the store. I looked for printable fabric sheets while Sexy Papa, and the girls wandered elsewhere. When we met back up, DQ informed me that Sexy Papa was going to get me a camera for my birthday. I had asked for a new toaster, because ours is old, and I can't get it clean anymore. But she heard me tell my Mom how I really needed a new camera for the business. And that I would give DQ the old one if I got a new one. Well, DQ told Papa about this wish. They went off and looked for cameras.

Then he decided that I should pick the one I want, as he knows nothing about cameras. So this is what I picked.



But of course, when we went to get it from the case, they were out. My second choice was out of stock too. So I will wait for this one. Cuz it's awesome!!! And not even that expensive. Now I can't wait.

So happy birthday to me, this is much better than cake!

Will You People Go Away Please

I... am not a complicated woman. I don't ask for much in life. But in order to maintain my sanity, I need a little peace and quiet, at least once in a while.

Itty Bit was sick last week. As in, she was sick Mon, Tues, Wed and Thursday. So she was home with me. Kirsten and Brian left on Tuesday. So Wed wasn't so bad. Just me and Itty Bit. Thursday, the kids had a half day. Which meant I had my 2 plus the extra 2 I watch when they have no school. Friday and Monday were scheduled teacher work days, so they would have no school. I was going crazy enough, just thinking about a house full of kids on those days...

But it started snowing early Sat. morning. And it kept snowing all day. Which was OK, because it was the weekend. And they were off Monday so no big deal. Sexy Papa couldn't make it to work on Monday, but he did try. Monday evening, the school system called with the automated "There will be no school tomorrow" message. OK, so they are out on Tuesday too. I understand, the roads were still sheets of ice.

It warmed up slightly, and started raining Tuesday afternoon. That was good, because it would melt the rest of what was on the ground, and things would get back to normal on Wed. I had hope, until the School called again to say there would be no school on Wed either. This, I just could not understand. By Tuesday evening, I was loosing my patience. Stuck in the house with bickering kids, 12 hours a day.

Yesterday was absolutely no fun. I felt horrible all day. I had a migraine and no Motrin. And.. I had 4 kids, who were wound to the core, bored and fighting. The novelty of "Snow Days" had long worn off. I spent the day trying to keep them from beating the crap out of each other. Someone said something like "I hope we don't have to go to school tomorrow" To which I answered, "If you guys don't go to school tomorrow, I may be forced to jump off of a bridge."

Around dinner time, the phone rang. It was the School System, again. The kids have been out of school for so long, that they called to tell us to send our kids to school Thursday. Oh thank to Gods above. After I hung up, I threatened anyone who dared to be sick, with bodily harm.

Well, it's 6am, Thursday morning. Time to get those girls up and ready for school. Then... for the rest of the day, I am not doing a damn thing. Yay for school!!!

One For The Record Books

The news has been predicting snow all week. Starting early in the week with "We may get snow this weekend". Each day the predictions grew bigger and bigger. Until yesterday, when they were warning us all of 6-12 inches. Now to most of you, this doesn't seem like such a big deal. It doesn't even seem like a big deal to me. As I am used to 2 FEET of snow, having lived in Detroit and all. But here in S.E. Virginia, it's another story.

Sexy Papa, and my neighbor both reported, yesterday evening, that the grocery stores were a nightmare. Everyone has decided that the end of the world is coming, and we must all hoard food, or beer, whichever.

I woke up a little after 5am to hear the "Special New Coverage" of this snow event. They have called in all their reporters, and the top meteorologist to report on the white stuff. The reporters on the street are making snowballs, and promise to keep working on them throughout the morning.

Every time we even get a dusting, I have to laugh. People here are fascinated by it. It can be scary, because most people here don't know how to drive in it. But some of them will give it the old college try, usually failing horribly.

I personally hate the stuff. Why do you think I moved away from MI? I hate snow. But I especially hate it when it snows HERE! Because everything will be closed all weekend. I will be trapped in the house, there will be no escape. And I won't get to work. Most people wouldn't mind an extra day off work. But I personally don't think snow is worth staying home for. At least in MI, snow didn't affect my pay check.

On the other hand, Sexy Papa and the girls will be in heaven. We haven't had snow like this in at least 6 years. Itty Bit has never seen snow like this, and DQ can't wait to "Wake up to see if it snows". I have a prediction of my own: They will play in it for all of 10 minutes, and then come in because they are cold. Strip all their clothing off to get dry, and demand hot chocolate. They will repeat this every 2 hours for the entire weekend. Which means, I will be doing lots of laundry. Oh YAY!

~~~UPDATE~~~
Hey, guess what? I got a call this morning, asking if I could work today? Joann's home office is in Ohio, so they said "It's just a couple of inches" Well since I am from MI and I live around the corner, I worked open to close. 10am to 1pm. I know, long shift right? They decided to close down early. AND... if they decide to open tomorrow, I will work open to close then too. So bonus, I may get extra hours, instead of loosing them all!

On to the Next One

Dear Sexy Papa,

You are spending way to much money. I know you are miserable, and spending this money makes you feel better. I get that, I really do. But when I tell you I have to go to the grocery store for cereal, then you ask why the kids can't eat oatmeal, because we don't have any cash.... that's a problem.

Your anger and refusal to answer when I asked "how much you spent this week" tells me that it was A LOT! If you spent so much money, that even you think it's too much to tell me about, than I am certain I would flip out if I knew. That you would say to me "I didn't realize I needed keep receipts and account for every penny" speaks volumes.

Husband of mine, I love you. But if you don't get it under control, I may be forced to smack you with a frying pan.

Open Letters

Dear Kirsten,

I don't think I have ever hated someone so much in all my life. But then I have never met anyone as awful as you. I still can't wrap my head around, how someone can be so cruel. You are a disgrace to the title "Mother".

Did you really think we were going to let you sit on our couch and be high? I swear my husband told you that I was going to be a police officer, until I destroyed my knee. You might have guessed that I was a law abiding citizen based on that alone.

We have figured out why your so desperate to hold on to your son. No one will give you a place to live, if you aren't dragging a child behind you. I guess your not as dumb as you look.

We know all your secrets. You are a junkie. And that you would sleep with someone to get their drugs, makes you a junkie whore. And by the way, I told The Asshole, over the phone, all about your night out while you were here.

The only reason you still have those 2 teeth left in your mouth is because I have babies to consider. Their mommy doesn't need to go to jail. If it wasn't for them I would have gladly done an overnight in the cell, just to beat you into the ground. Your Mom said she would post my bail.

When was the last time you hugged your son and told him that you love him? I did it everyday while he was here. And guess what? He knows that he is loved here. He didn't want to go with you. He told his uncle that he didn't want to leave.

I know about all the illegal things you guys have done. I know you have been getting tax refunds for the last 2 years, even though neither one of you has worked. I know the name of the lady who did them for you, and I am turning everyone in! There is already a case opened regarding the Social Security medical benefit cards you stole. Those 2 things alone are felony offenses on a federal level.

You, my dear, had better watch your back. Because I am coming for ya. And if I have my way, you and your Asshole will be in jail, and I will be taking that boy from you.

OK, well I must run. Time to call Assholes Doctors to let them know he is selling all the narcotics they are prescribing to him.

****************************************************

Dear Little Brian,

You are loved. You should never forget that there are people in this world who love you. I am sorry you have to go through this at such a young age.

Please remember that none of this is your fault.

We miss you, the girls miss you. We were all very sad when you left. I have not stopped crying for you. Your uncle is heartbroken.

We didn't want your Mom to take you. We begged her to let you stay. But there was nothing we could do to stop her.

Please understand that we are doing everything we can to get you back. We will never give up on you. It may take a little while, but one day soon, we will come for you. We will bring you home. Back to your friends, back to your family, back to your school. One day soon, you will be free. Free to make mud pies and blow up army men. Free from worrying about your mom, and trying to keep her awake. One day soon you will get to be a little boy.

My dear sweet boy, my bright red headed angel. I will pray for you, everyday, until I have you in my arms again. Don't forget that we love you. Please hold on. Aunt Missy is coming for you.

Sad News

Kirsten has decided to go back to philadelphia. We wouldn't let her be high in our home. We kept taking her drugs away. Asshole just got his new supply of narcotics. So she took Brian and went back. We begged her to leave Brian, but she would not.
I did call child protective services and open a case. They said they will work with philly to figure out what is best for Brian.
Asshole's mother and brother both called today. They are trying to have Kirsten and The Asshole arrested. They wanted to know if we could take physical custody of Brian and then file for permanent custody of him when he gets back. Hubby and I said we will do whatever we can to get him from his parents. We said we will drop everything and drive up to get him, whenever they are ready.
Hubby is going to file assault charges on Kirsten and then get a protective order. Then we are going to see if we can start the custody case now, since Brian is still enrolled in a VA school. We don't know what's going to happen, the best we can do is try.
We are hopeful that we can get him back. I just wanted to let everyone know.



Thanks to everyone for their well wishes and prayers for my family. I can feel the support from my blog readers, and it is greatly appreciated.

Blogs Are Good For Something

As it turns out, all the bitching and moaning I have been doing here, on the blog, is going to be very helpful to me when it comes time to get custody of the boy. Now, without much effort, I have a record of events that have happened so I can show the judge.

So you'll have to excuse me while I document what happened over the weekend...

Thursday my hubby didn't have to work. So he put the bunk bed together for them. While in the middle of that Kirsten stuck her hand in his face, to show him a set of rings, "Look what I got!" He went off again.
A little back story about the rings: These rings have been in hubby's family for a long time. Hubby still wears the mans ring. They were the set we got married with. While Hubby and I were separated, I didn't know if we would be getting back together. Since they belonged to his family, I gave them back to MIL, out of respect. I asked that she hold them, until our situation was resolved. Hubby and I had a falling out with MIL, a couple of years ago, and until all this crap happened hadn't done much to resolve it. Which is why she still had the rings. Kirsten asked me about the rings one day. I told her what had happened, and that I was bummed not to have them. That her mother still had them, and I had not gotten around to getting them back. She also talked to Hubby about the rings. He expressed the same dismay at not having them. MIL gave her a couple of rings the day she got out of rehab, including my wedding rings.

She was trying to push his buttons and it worked. He flipped. She was saying "Mom said they were mine and gave them to me." I got him calmed down again, and told him "Your mom probably has a different story. Lets call her." So I did. And MIL said "She told me that you said I had them and she would have to get them from me. I thought you wanted her to have them." I explained to MIL what had actually happened. Then MIL was mad, because she had been conned.
MIL came over and had her say. Told her exactly what was on her mind. And it wasn't good. Kirsten made a big stink about the rings. MIL said "I gave those to my son, to give to HIS wife, and you lied to me to get them." Kirsten looked right at me and said "I'm sorry, if I had been around at the time, you would have been in the hospital." I said "Seriously, what the hell is wrong with you? Your gonna beat the hell out of someone who has nothing to do with it?" I took it as a direct threat. That was her way of saying she could beat the hell out of me, and didn't need much of a reason to do it.
MIL pulled me aside and said something about holding her down to get the rings off her hand. I said I wasn't going to jail for assault. And we could wait until she went to jail and they took them from her.
Nothing was resolved that afternoon. But at least MIL got to say her piece. She asked ahead of time that hubby stay out of it, and he was very good. He stayed in the bedroom until the end.

Later that night, Kirsten was sitting and talking to Itty Bit. She said to her "Man, I wish I could have had a kid as good as you." Her son was sitting right there, and the look on his face... he was crushed.

Friday was a pretty calm day. I had made arrangements with my MIL for ALL the kids to go spend the night with her. They could all use a break from this drama. I told Kirsten about it and that I was going to take them, when Hubby got home.

Around noon, I felt a migraine coming on, so I told her "I have a headache, so I am going to go lay down for a little bit." No sooner did I drift off to sleep, than she knocked on my door. "I'm gonna walk to the corner store, can you do me a favor?" I said, while blocking my eyes from the light, "What?" "If Jason calls, can you tell him I will meet him here?" So I asked "When... are you going to meet him here? He's coming tonight to take you to an NA meeting, right?" "No," she says, "In just a little bit. He's coming over to hang out with me." To which I replied with a groan, and slammed to door in her face.

Then I called hubby... "I thought you told her she wasn't allowed to have any guests over to our house?" "I did." He and I were on the same page. No way in hell was she bringing some dude she met at rehab to my house. Not when my kids were going to be home in about an hour. Not when my husband wasn't here. Hell no! He was still ranting on the phone when she got back, so I gave the phone to her. By the time I got the phone back, she was convinced this would not be a good idea.

A few minutes later I heard her on the phone with her mom... "Yeah, I got his bag packed. No, as soon as he gets here, Brian and I are leaving. She can send whoever she wants after me, I don't give a fuck." After she got off the phone, I called MIL to see what was going on. She said apparently, Kirsten and Brian would be coming to her house, as soon as Brian got home, and that this new boyfriend of hers would be driving them. I said "You know what? Whatever! As long as they are coming to your house... I'll bring the girls when Hubby gets home."

Around dinner time, the guy called "Is Kristen there?" "You mean Kirsten?" I said. "Hold on" I went and banged on her door... "Some dude is on the phone asking for Kristen." "Oh, that's me" she said.
I am thinking, you want to put your son in a truck with some junkie, who doesn't even know your name? Jesus Christ. No danger of you being awarded mother of the year.
She came out into the living room, still talking on the phone. "No, you need to get your ass out here. Well why the hell did you take that when you knew what we were doing? I don't care... Well just drive out here, and I will drive when you get here.... Try my ass, you better."

She asked me for a key. I asked why? She said because she didn't know what time she would be coming home. I said she could call when she got here, I would let her in, but I was not giving her a key.

He did finally show up. And to his credit, he honked for them to come out. Because I was just waiting for him to come to the door. I was going to be polite, because it's not his fault, but he was NOT coming in my house. They left. I tried to get a look at the truck so I could call the cops, but I couldn't see well enough.

Shortly after they left, hubby got home, and I left with the girls. I arrived first at Grandma's house. We were all settled in when they got there. The boyfriend came in with her. Now I am not one to judge a person by the way they look. Really, who am I to speak, when I am covered in tattoos myself, but this guy looked scary. Holes in his ears big enough to put my pinky through. Tattoos on his neck. I can only imagine what Brian is thinking about this guy who is taking his dad's place.

I was supposed to drop the girls off and meet hubby at the house so we could go on a date. No kids=date night. But Kirsten and Jason stayed at MIL's house. So I did too. There was no way I was leaving my kids there with her and this guy. The NA meeting they were supposedly going to was at 8pm. They finally left around 9:30? So much for the meeting.

Hubby and I slept in Sat. morning. It was nice. The phone did not ring in the middle of the night. No one banged on the door. I got up and started cleaning house to get ready for our "After Christmas" party we were hosting that night. A little before 10 am, she came hopping through the door. And when I say hopping, I don't mean like in a giddy good mood. I mean her body was literally jumping up and down.
I don't know what she was on, but she was high on something. Then she started telling me this story about how she spent the night in his truck in front of her mom's house. Dude was passed out and she couldn't get him to wake up. And she didn't know how to get back here, so she just stayed there. And that she finally gave up in the morning, and drove to the gas station to get coffee, and ask for directions back to the house. So I said, "Well you were in front of your mom's house, why didn't you ask her?" She said "Oh, he had to pee last night, so we drove to a place so he could go, cuz I didn't want to knock on mom's door again. Then we couldn't find our way back, so we slept behind some storage place." Hubby came out in the middle of this story. "I drove home, cuz that mother fucker is still passed out in his truck." "Where in his truck?" I asked "In the court" she answered. Oh that was it, Hubby started yelling again. About her being high again, about her boyfriend being passed out in front of the house, about her being out all night, and not being able to tell the truth about anything.

I went out to check on the guy. When I walked back in the house she said "Is it OK, the way the truck is parked out there?" I said "No, it's not OK. Your junkie boyfriend is passed out in his truck, in front of my house, in front of my neighbors. So no, it's not OK!" She didn't say anything.

Hubby and I had to errands to run. As we left, we wrote down the info about this guys truck.
When we got back, the truck was gone, and she was in her room. I assumed she was sleeping off the night before, so I cranked up the radio, and put the sub woofer right on her bedroom wall. Then I went to get the kids.

When I got home, hubby was jammin out to the radio, having a good ole' time cooking. He loves to cook. She had still not come out of her room. My family started arriving around 5. We had a good time. Brian was out with us, and he behaved like an angel. I warned her ahead of time, I was not putting up with her crap today. She never showed her face. Everything was wonderful. I was happy for the first time in months.

Sunday morning, I went to work. When I got home, hubby had been fighting with her again. He explained, what had happened. He was talking to her, and noticed that she was not wearing the rings. When he asked her, she said she hid them at Mom's house, and she wasn't going to tell anyone where they were. He asked her for the pawn ticket. Then he got on the phone with his mom to tell her what Kirsten said about the rings.
Mom was in agreement, that they had probably been pawned, and was ready to go look for them.
It occurred to me that Kirsten couldn't pawn anything, because she doesn't have an ID. So if they were pawned the boyfriend would have done it for her, and we don't know what his last name is. Needless to say, her Mom is furious. I am thinking about turning her room upside down to look for the ticket. I have already tried to call "Jason", but I can't get a hold of him.

While I was talking to MIL, she brought up having Kirsten committed. I said, "You know what? That makes sense. Cuz that girl is a whack job. To do the things she does, you would have to be insane." Then I mentioned that I have a detailed account of events typed out. Turns out that this blog is going to be a great tool in getting custody of Brian.

She spent the weekend screaming at her kid. Threatening to beat him. Hubby kept stepping in and saying "Do you really think that is the way you need to be talking to your son?" She apologized to hubby, but not to her son.

It's Monday morning now, and Itty Bit is sick again. Of course. She had a high fever last night, so she isn't in school today. I don't know whats going on with her. Seems she is popping up with something every week. Maybe she should have spent some time in daycare as a baby?

OK, well as you can imagine, I have another full day of stuff to do. I'll keep ya posted!

The Day It All Ends

We have decided... That she is not welcome. Problem is, The Boy deserves someone to fight for him. Someone to do whats in his best interest.

Riddle me this: You have been away from your child for 6 full days. What is the first thing you do when you get out? Decide he can wait a couple more hours, even after you told him what time you would be home? Go shopping with your Mom? Well, I guess that makes sense if your a selfish drug addict.

At this point I am writing about it to make myself feel better, to get it off my chest. I don't need anyone to tell me to get rid of her. We are doing just that. Maybe it's just a record of events. Whatever the case, I just have to get it out.

She got here, 5 hours after she was released. And the only thing she had to say about her stay there:
"Has anyone called for me?" and I said "no" Then she says, "Oh, cuz I met someone in there. I really like him." Seriously, what the fuck?

Before I begin, let me preface this by saying: I talked to the nurse on her unit. Patients are encouraged to do Family Therapy. When I inquired about it, they said she refused. I asked why? The nurse said she didn't know, but Kirsten told her she would call me to talk about it. To which I said "I can guess why. She has no intentions of getting off drugs. Then the nurse said "That would be a very good guess." Now I know they can't tell me about what is going on with Kirsten. She is an adult. But the way I heard what the nurse said, and her tone, I understood that they feel like Kirsten is not ready to recover.
Then I talked to her case worker. He indicated that they are ready to call it a lose. They paid for her stay in rehab. But she wanted narcotic drugs and they would not pay for those. We were both in agreement, that Kirsten has no intention of stopping, and that she went to the hospital to shut us up. We were also both in agreement, that she wanted her own legal script for narcotics. And she is pissed because she didn't get them.

She wasn't here 2 hours, before it became clear to us, she has no intentions of following our house rules, or making her son follow our house rules.
We had just finished dinner. My husband was trying to put together a bed that my mother in law bought for them. She gave Brian a package of cookies. My husband said to him, he had just finished dinner, and that he didn't need a treat right now. (Besides the breaking the rules about treats, there was not enough for all the kids. My girls would have been upset, that AGAIN, he gets to do stuff they don't get to do.) He went into the bedroom and cried to his mom.
She flipped the fuck out, and started yelling:
"Your uncle can't tell you what to do! I don't give a fuck what they say. Your my fucking son. I can give you a treat if I want to."
That, was hubby's last straw. He marched in there, and said "Fine then, you can get out of my house." The arguing carried out into the living room. Where it escalated into screaming. When she got up in his face, he pushed her down to sit on the couch. She wigged, got up and tried to scratch out his eyes. And that is when the last of his restraint went out the door. He never hit her, but that is because I managed to get between them. I pulled him back. Her mother sat on her. It took every bit of strength I had to keep him from getting at her. His face was bleeding, and he was enraged.
And she... kept trying to bait him. Screaming at him, hit me bitch, your goin' to fucking jail. I'm calling the cops, your ass is going to jail. MIL and I managed to get them calmed down. But she is refusing to leave. "All my clothes are here. I ain't going no where."
Now I am a pretty calm these days. I see no point in yelling, when you can I the same thing without raising my voice. I said that it was painfully clear that she has no intention of respecting our home and following our rules.
Something was said about My telling my husband what the rehab nurse said. She pointed across the room at me and said "Then she is a fuckin' liar."
Then the conversation got heated again. My husband said somethings she didn't like, and she started going off again: "Oh I'm gonna hit the mother fucker." Which of course pushed hubby further over the edge: "You hit me and I am gonna knock the last 2 teeth out of the front of your mouth." And that is what she really wanted. She was screaming at him "Hit me I fuckin dare ya. Come on hit me." She was trying to push him over the edge so she could have him taken to jail. So what did he do? Picked her ass up and tossed her out the front door.

Once she was out, Brian got his coat and shoes on. Grabbed the blanket I made for him, and went outside with her. Then Me and Hubby and my mother in law had a chance to calm down and talk. MIL and I are in agreement... We can at least save the child.... And at that moment, Kirsten was taking the child with her, out in the cold rain. Since Kirsten can not go to MIL's house, because of all the prescription drugs there, we let her go back to her room. She kept trying to pick at my husband, and get him to react. He tried his best to get her to back off and go away. Saying we are all in a calm place right now... we can talk about it tomorrow.

At this moment, we are trying to figure out the best way to get custody of the child. I am waiting for my Mother in law to come over. She says she has some things to say to Kirsten.

Hopefully today, we will have a better idea of what we need to do.