Sunday, July 26, 2009

Ticks, Opinions & Awards

First off today: My computer was ticking. Luckily for me I knew what that sound was. The rythmic ticking of a hard drive preparing to die. I managed to get all my files moved over to the external storage drive. And then I ordered a new hard drive. With any luck it will be here in a few days, so I won't be offline for too long. Cross your fingers.

In other news: I need everyone's opinion. Remember I told you I came up with the design for Scrapbook covers. Well I made 7 of them to sell last week. I asked Sexy Papa what to price them at and he was no help. So now I am asking you. What should I Price these at? I have them listed on etsy for 24.99, because I felt like I would pay that for one of these.

p.s. I will be giving one of these away in Sept.





And lastly:
Thanks to Frannie over at Frannie Fires Back for the Honest Scrap Award. Am I to believe this? I have to tell 10 things about me that no one else knows? I am pretty much an open book. Then I have to pass it on to 10 other people?


As I am not much into handing out homework, I am going to skip the pass it on part. But I will give you my list of 10 Things you (may or) may not know about me.

1. I am addicted to coffee. There are a lot of things I can live without, coffee is not one of them. You wouldn't even want to be around me if I tried.

2. My middle name is Jacqueline. That is also the name of the only other girl that Sexy Papa loved.

3. I am addicted to fabric. I get crabby if I have to go to long without fabric shopping. Yeah I know, I am an addictive personality.

4. I am allergic to the sun. No seriously, I am. I wasn't always allergic, only for about the last 10 years. If I get direct exposure, I break out in hive that can last as long as a month.

5. I hate having water in my face. Washing it is one thing, but don't splash me in the face, or it is on like donkey kong!

6. I really wish I had a dishwasher. Our house was built in the 50's and it has not been added yet. I usually don't mind washing dishes by hand, but I am seriously wishing I had a dishwasher.

7. I have been known to leave clean clothes in the basket for upwards of a week.

8. I hate spiders, but don't mind snakes. In fact my roommate used to have a 12 foot boa, named Perry, and I rather liked him. But don't come at me with a spider.

Wow, OK, this is harder than I thought. So I am going to leave it at 8.

If you don't hear from me this week, it's because I don't have a puter. I will catch up with everyone, I promise. Until next time people, good day!

Friday, July 24, 2009

Foxy Friday, Sugar Kane

As much as I love Tuesday for it's randomness, Friday is actually my favorite day of the week. No, not because it's payday, although that is nice too.
For all my new followers, let me introduce you to Foxy Friday. The day when I spotlight a smokin' hot celebrity. To see all the other Foxy Fridays you missed, hit the tag on my sidebar.

If you look up the name Christian Kane, you may see photos of Christian Bale or some sweaty, scary wrestler named Kane. But mostly you'll see this guy.


I first saw him on Leverage that airs on TNT. Love that show. You should check it out. And not just because of Kane's character, Elliot.
When I looked him up for this post, I discovered he is also a singer. And a pretty good one at that. His band is called Kane. In this montage video he is singing a song he wrote. I also like the story he tells before the song.


Thursday, July 23, 2009

Getting Giddy-Writers Workshop

For this weeks writers workshop I was going to choose #1. They just don't make (fill in the blank) like they used to! But I fear that would be a really long list. As I have recently become disappointed in the manufactures/companies of most of my everyday products.

So instead of going on a lunatic rant I skipped down to #3. What are YOU giddy about?

To participate in all the fun, head over to Mama's Losin' It. She is the shiznit!


I am not a person who is easily amused. It takes a lot of effort to evoke a giddy response from me.

New Babies, new tattoos and new season premiers of my favorite shows make me giddy, but not necessarily in that order.

Something about the excitement of the arrival of a new tiny human, especially when they were mine, makes me giddy. I can barely contain my joy, and I think that pretty well describes the essence of giddy.


New tattoos, again, especially when they are mine, make me squirrely beyond believe. Every time I get a new one, Sexy Papa is sure to get laid. Is that bad? Although giving them doesn't make me nearly as excited, I still enjoy it. Usually.


I am nearly jumping out of my skin in Sept. waiting for my shows to come back on. But after an entire summer of crappy TV, I think that is understandable.

I also get giddy when my best girlfriend comes to visit, or I am making the trip to see her. She used to live in MI, and now in TN. Both very far away from me! But every now and then we manage to pull a road trip out of our ass. The day of her arrival I am bouncing off the walls, and running around like a crazy person.

Things that don't make me giddy... Diamonds, Cute Boys, New Cars. I go for the simpler things in life.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

I'm Not Done Yet

Seems as though I am not done being random yet. Yesterday was such a hurried post. I can only think in random bits as of right now, so how about another dose?

Watchmen--The movie--SUCKED. I heard good things about it. People were raging on about this movie. Seriously? What the hell is the matter with you people? Maybe they were in an LSD trance, but I am pretty sure even then I would think it sucked. One of the worst movies I have seen in a long time.

I am so envious. Seems like every blog I click on this week has something to say about Blogher. I so want to go. So this morning, Itty Bit got up a little early and was standing beside me while I read through my blog list. Sexy Papa comes in to say goodbye, and I mention my longing to go to Blogher. Then I turned to Itty Bit and asked "Is it OK is Mommy goes to Chicago for a week?" She slightly shook her head yes, and then buried herself into me for a big hug. "Would you miss me if I were gone for a week?" No answer. She is still clutching tightly to me. So I tip her chin up and notice she is misty eyed. "What's the matter with you?" I ask. Itty Bit is unable to speak. She simply points at me and then throws her head back into me. "Oh honey," I assure her "Mommy is not leaving for a week. I was just kidding."

I try to be good. I really do. I keep most of my foul language from coming out of my mouth. Neatly contained in my fuming head. But yesterday I had the overwhelming need to say --FUCK--. Have you ever given yourself 2nd degree burns with a glue gun. Holy shit Batman. That hurts. Right on the pad of my finger. But it was for a good cause. I was making a padded pushpin board so I could easily photograph items that need to hang.


I took a scrap piece of drywall and added poly batting and a pretty white fabric. Looks good right? Well it works good. Now if you will excuse me, I have to go dip my finger in ice water.

My cat thinks my long curly hair is an appropriate substitute for grass. That is the only reason I can think of for her eating my hair... while.I.sleep! Which of course wakes me up. Her wake-up calls are one of the reasons I am thinking about cutting it all off.

And the award goes to...
I found another cool blog. She lets it all hang out and isn't afraid to tell it like it is. Click on over to see what it's all about. The Constant Chill.


Tuesday, July 21, 2009

OK, Real Quick, RTT

I am kinda pressed for time this AM. Lots to get done today. So this is going to have to be a quick RTT. But I do so love me some RTT, I just couldn't skip another week.


To get in on the action go visit Keely over at The Un Mom. She is awesome in her zombie paranoia.

I hate laundry. I don't hate washing it. It's just the folding it, and I loath putting it away. It's on my do to list for today.

We lost a big ass branch in a nasty storm last week. And when I say 'big ass' I mean at least 20 feet long. Fell right out of that tree next to the house and landed on the fence. I am not at all upset... I am thrilled it didn't hit the house.

For those of you who are not regulars here... I created a new award this week. It's for people who are new bloggers who we think are funny or interesting.


Feel free to give it out if you like. The code for the image is on my sidebar.

I had to pay a $186 ticket yesterday. Which sucks when I think about how much fabric I could have purchased with that money. Oh well, life goes on.

Again, for those of you who aren't regulars here, I am in the middle of a 100 followers campaign. I am well on my way, and when I reach my goal I will be hosting a big giveaway party. You can get the details here.

OK, I really must run. Thanks for stopping by today.

Monday, July 20, 2009

HA HA, I get to give it away now.

So just in case to many of you were hitting the wine a little hard this evening, I am just going to point out that I got my HTML box thingy.

I am handing out the first award to John and Steve are Having a Baby. Even though I can't stand anything Bruno. So I just ignored that post. They are new bloggers, or at least that blog is new. You should go check them out.

Here ya go guys.


Should you feel free to bestow this award on your favorite new blogger, please feel free to copy the code on the sidebar.

Got Widget Secrets?

Recently I have picked up on a couple new bloggers who are kinda funny. This got me thinking I should make an award for new bloggers.

See this image?


It's on my sidebar now. I made it myself. Mom would be so proud !) I wanted others to be able to copy the code so they could give this award to other new blogger. I just can't figure out how to put an html code box under it. You know what I mean don-cha? Where blogger put buttons or badges on their page with html code and they say Link to me with this badge? I want one, and I can't figure out how to get one!

So if you are an all knowing powerful blog widget god/goddess, please bestow your knowledge upon me!

Oh yeah, and if you want to give this award to someone, feel free. But until I get a html code box, you'll have to save the image yourself.

Update: I was pointed in the direction of another very helpful blog. I feel so thrilled to have found this help I thought I would share...

Tips For Bloggers

Happy Monday

So... I had a pretty good weekend. DQ was grounded from TV and Wii for the weekend. I think that lead to some of the peace. Although since she wasn't using the Wii, Sexy Papa put it to good use. I had to remind him yesterday that Itty Bit was NOT grounded. Since he had been playing for the better part of 7 hours. When he kept saying he was almost done, I had to teach Itty Bit a life lesson that all women learn eventually.

I showed her how to stand in a mans line of vision, cross her arms and visibly tap her foot. Sexy Papa didn't think it was as funny as I did. But come on, the poor kid hadn't watch any cartoons yet.

Saturday I cleaned the house. I love a clean house, but with 3 kids running around leaving a trail of stuff in their wake, I am having a hard time keeping up. Anyway I got things back in order and clean(ish). And we finally put up the fishing net behind a collage of frames I have behind my couch.


My brother Steve was visiting from DC, so we had him and my Mom over for dinner Sat. night. Nothing fancy. Taco night with beer. We all tossed the football around for a while and I noticed that my Moms words were getting a little thick. My Mom will be the first to admit her favorite foods are beer and popcorn. But it is not often that she actually has to much to drink. She is a very responsible, 73 year old, family matriarch. So I find it a tad bit funny when she gets tipsy. Thank goodness my brother was here and able to drive her home. She didn't come back for her car until dinner time yesterday.

Sunday I finished stuffing and painting all my Christmas ornaments. I lit a fire under my own ass, because I promised myself I wouldn't work on any other projects until they were done. See I have this problem of starting projects and then abandoning them for something more fun. But I did get them done.
I wanted to get them out of the way so that I could work on a new idea I had about a week ago. Scrapbook Covers. I have 3 huge scrapbooks that I have done. But they are in just plain "books". I wanted something that better fit the personality of the subject. I had been working out the pattern in my head for a while. After destroying the first 2 covers I attempted, I came up with a great pattern. After completing covers for the 3 books I have, I am confident in creating these for sale. I have lots of cool ideas for the ones I want to make and I hope everyone loves them. It only took me about 2 hours to make one, so it's not a huge commitment, like a rag quilt. I will be playing around with them some more today.


Saturday, July 18, 2009

The 100 Followers Campaign

My plot to take over the web... Details here.

In addition to these prizes

Victoria's Secret Gift Cards
Personalized Christmas Stocking
Embroidered Scrapbook Cover

I am adding the following for my sewing followers

Fat Quarter Bundles
Rag Quilt Kit

Stay tuned to see what else might be added to the giveaway.

Don't forget, if you want to contribute to the giveaway goodies, you can contact me. I am sure I would be happy to offer your product too!

Friday, July 17, 2009

Plotting my web takeover

Hello fellow bloggers and bloggets. Remember the old cartoon, Pinky and The Brain? I do, I loved that show. And at the end of every show Pinky would ask what they were gonna do tonight, and The Brain would answer "the same thing we do every night Pinky. Try to take over the world."

Well I am not trying to take over the world. The Republicans have messed it up so bad, I couldn't possibly fix it. But I am plotting on taking over the web with my wit and charm, and big mouth.

Join me won't you? I currently have 59 followers through blogger. (No idea how many people read me in thier reader thingy's. If you know how to get that info please share.) I know I have more followers. Through a couple of trackers I know lots of people are reading me.... I am rambling again.

Anyway... I would like to have 100 followers by the time school starts. I know, it's very ambitious, but I am not afraid to dream big. See this image? It's on the side bar of my blog page. I need people to follow me there.


Now I am thinking to myself "Self, how am I going to nearly double my followers in the next 45 days or so?" I could host pictures of naked people, whatever your fancy... I could send out hitmen to hold people hostage until they follow... Nah that might lead to my arrest... I could resurrect a band of ZOMBIES, but then people might run like hell, and not have time to sign into blogger... I could give stuff away. Everyone loves some free stuff. Yep, that settles it, Bribery it is!

So if I can get 100 followers by Sept. 7th (that's when school starts here) I will host a mega giveaway!

Already on the list to "giveaway"...

Multiple Victoria's Secret gift cards. I love VS
Personalized Christmas stocking They are awesome!
Embroidered scrapbook cover Also very cute.
Personal stripper pole lessons... Just kidding.

And in an effort to support handmade, I think I will visit some of my favorite Etsy sellers and do a little shopping there too.

If you are interested in having me give away your NEW stuff, (I don't give away junk) please contact me and I will be happy to host your link on the side bar through the end of the year.

I am going to work on getting pictures up of the giveaway items, so stay tuned. This could be very big! With lots of winners. So tell your friends, tell your family, tell your dentist!

And if you have any suggestions on how to take over the web, please feel free to share. The zombies will be very happy.

P.S. If you follow me I will follow you back. See everyone's a winner already!

Foxy Friday or No?

First of all, let me just say, you guys are awesome! I go and admit to my total freakishness, and you all come back to tell me you love me more. There is still a side of me that loves all things punkish styles. You'll see what I mean when I unveil my new line of Holiday Stockings and matching ornaments. I can't wait for my next giveaway now. I am planning one for my 100th post, if I can wait that long.

I am also planning on going into more detail about yesterdays post. Behind the scenes at a go-go bar... Showcasing some of my tattoo work... showing off some of my murals.

Now on to the business of the day. I have noticed that not many people are commenting on my Foxy Friday posts anymore. Should I just quit that weekly posting or what? Doesn't much matter to me, it just gave me something to do on Fridays.

Lets put the last 3 together.

OK, Best Sewing Tip #3.

You know it happens... You have a bobbin that you need to unwind for one reason or another. Either it is poorly wound or you need an empty bobbin for another color. Whatever the reason, use your spool pin to hold the bobbin and simply pull the thread and watch it unwind. OK maybe this isn't such a wonderful tip, unless your a dingbat like me who used to try to cut the thread off and/or unwind it in my hands. Hope it helps someone.


The worth of a nickle?

Best Sewing Tip #4:

I keep a nickle or 2 in my previously mentioned meat tray. I find these better than any flat head screwdriver when it comes to my sewing machine. They are just the right thickness for my screws with no long handle getting in the way. I can get just enough torque to turn the screws I would otherwise not be able to get at. I clean my machine a lot and I am not an idiot. I don't need to pay someone 60 bucks a week to clean it for me. The nickle helps.

And #5

Taylor's chalk sucks. At least in my opinion. I have never been able to do what I wanted to do with it. But I tell ya what does work... Artist charcoal. I use a soft lead pencil to mark on light colored fabrics. Dark color fabrics are another challenge all together.

Being from an art background I had these kinds of things laying around my house already. So one day I tried a WHITE charcoal pencil to mark my fabric and it worked like a charm. Well I ran out of that one, so I tried white colored pencil, and it works too. I doubt if you will get a crayola pencil to mark on you fabrics. I have moderately expensive colored pencils, they cost about $2.00 each. You can buy them and charcoal pencils separately at any art store. I use Ticonderoga or Prismacolor. You can sharpen them just like any other pencil, I have an electric sharpener. They make nice, easy to see, clean lines. Totally worth the 2 bucks. Hope that helps.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

And then there is this...

Best sewing tip #2

I use a foam meat package next to my machine to hold little odds and ends. These are great reusable things as far as I am concerned. Once they have been washed with hot soapy water, you can use them for all sorts of things. They have an edge on them that keep the little things in. They work great for paint, especially when kids are the painters.

Anyway I keep one next to my machine. I love the fact that I can stick little hand sewing needles in it and they stay. So next time you have packaged meat, wash and use the tray. Feel green for the day because you are recycling...


You might have missed this

My best sewing tips #1

Today I thought I would repost a fun and useful bit of blogging... My best sewing tips.

But first I thought I would show off my nice clean studio. I need a new chair though because this one is too big.


And now for my first "Best Sewing Tips"

If you are working on a large project, pre-wind a couple of bobbins for quick changes when you need it. AND... Use your extra spool pin to store them right at hand.


3 Things You Want To Know About Me?


Mama's Losin' It hosts a weekly writers workshop. She gives 5 topics to choose from. You pick one to write about and go with the flow.

This week I choose #5--
What are three things we would love to know about you!

This is actually a great topic for me, as recently I have been thinking about the people who read my blog and pondering "If they only knew!"
A lot of you could probably accurately describe me to a perfect stranger. Mother, Wife, Seamstress, Loud Mouth, addicted to coffee and attention. But none of you know some of the things about me that I keep close to my vest. Until now...

I should be dead! I have been told more than once, "I'm going to kill you" and the person saying it meant it. I have had a gun held to my head. I hitch-hiked from VA to FL when I was 14 years old. OK, nuff said!

I am addicted to tattoos. While living in Detroit, I started a tattoo apprenticeship that I wasn't able to complete due to uncontrollable circumstances. But while I was there I fell in love with being tattooed. I have only ever had one that really hurt. I find the pain to be relaxing. I actually fell asleep while I was getting the one on my back. Tattoo people measure their tattoos in hours of work. I would say I have more than 30 hours. Both of my legs, my chest, my back and my stomach. See photos below!




I have had many jobs in my life- rephrase, many odd jobs in my life. No, odd isn't the word either. How about unusual. Early on, I think, I realized that in order to be happy, you have to have a job you like to do. In the mix of the usual, fast food, retail, and management jobs, is a wide variety of interesting.
I have been a stage hand for an old local playhouse. One half of a clown team, doing birthday parties and local events. I spent some time as a grave digger before moving into the very specialized position of sand blaster. My artistic touches can be found all over the area's graveyards in the form of headstones. As previously mentioned, I worked in a tattoo studio. I have been a mural painter, boasting work in a well known Doctor's office here in the area.
But perhaps the job I had the most fun at was... wait for it... Go-Go Dancer. Yep I said it. Now all the women hate me right? Well don't. I can tell you, it's really not what you think it is.
First, let me say I never pretended I was doing it to put myself through school or any other higher moral reason. I did it because I liked to dance, I had (Notice the past tense) a great bod, and it was fast, fun, easy money. Again, see photo below!

The photo I used on my business card!

And since I have opened up this can of worms I would like to point out a few things. Strippers are not prostitutes. Well 99% of them aren't. So when you husband/boyfriend goes to a strip joint with his buddies, he is not getting any sexual gratification. The 1% of the girls who would trade sex for money have a very high price tag. As in new car/new condo high! Strip clubs are places where guys go to hang out together, without their wives/girlfriends tagging along.

So there you have it. I am a freak. You all still love me don't you?

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Lets Talk About S e x pt.3

If you missed previous post you can see them here... Part 1 Part 2

Wrapping up this weeks discussion on sex and making it work for our marriage.

Let's Talk About Sex Part 3

Starting out small

Wives-Your husband wants more sex. Chances are you want to be having more sex with your husband. What are you going to do about it? Try to take note of the things that are getting in the way of it. If you feel a headache coming after dinner, do something to ward it off. Take an aspirin, take a shower. Whatever it is that helps you.

If your children have stressed you out by dinner time, set up the hour before dinner as quiet reading time. Put your foot down, and don't take no for an answer.

Is there something your husband could do to help your mood? Tell him about it.

Truly just not feeling arousable as though nothing could get you in the mood. Figure out what will, and partake in it. Do romantic movies leave you feeling like you want to make love to your husband? Maybe some erotic stories will help. They sell them at all the book stores.
Figure out what is standing in the way of your sex life and move it.

Husbands-Your wife loves you and wants to make you happy. Take a step back and try to observe her life. Don't bring up the subject of sex in words. Take note of what is going on in your house when your wife Does want to have sex.

Did you cook on the grill and use paper plates, so that there is no mess in the kitchen? Did your kids go to bed without a fight? Are all the bills paid? Maybe it was something as simple as bringing her her favorite candy bar, telling her she is beautiful. Did she overhear you tell your buddy how great of a mother she is? Did you spend time together doing something fun?

Maybe she doesn't even realize what "puts her in the mood". Are you going to be her knight in shining armor and figure it out for yourself?

I am no expert in the subject, aside from being a wife to a husband who wants more sex. I realized that I wanted more sex with my husband, but by the time we got around to it, I didn't want it anymore. Then I decided to figure out why. Fixing the problem(s) was easy, once I knew what they were.

Some of the problems holding us back were easier to fix than others.

Getting him to stop bugging me, about the sex.

Remodeling our house so that it feels more like a home. (Still working on that, but the closer we get, the more sex I want!)

When I realized the mess in my kids room was stressing me out, I moved them around. I put their bunks back together in 1 room. Put all the toys in the other, call it a playroom and shut the door when I don't want to look at it.

The baby turned 5 this year, and will go into kindergarten in the fall. I am not nearly as stressed out and tired as I was when my kids were younger. That helps.

Doing things that I love; sewing, writing a book. I can't explain how, I just know that it helps.

Taking back control of my household from my kids. They know if they continue to fight, they might just get put to bed early.

Then there are the problems that took honest hard work.

Fighting used to be a weekly (if not more) event for us. It took me a good many years to realize the problems weren't what we were fighting about. I also realized his anger wasn't mine to fix. We were separated for a while. And while faced with loosing his wife and 2 little girls he decided to seek counseling.

We are in a much better place now. I am sorry it took so long to get here. We still fight. But I can count on 1 hand the number of fights we have in a year.

My husband and I have a great sex life. We have more sex than most couples, though he doesn't always agree. We are not the same people we were when we first got married. We have evolved into grown-ups, as scary as that sounds, and we appreciate each other.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Lets Talk About S e x pt.2

If you missed yesterdays post you can catch up here Part 1
Continuing on our discussion of sex and making it work better for our marriage...

Let's Talk About Sex Part 2

What else is standing in the way of a great sex life?

Even if the wife doesn't leave the home, she has also worked all day. If you have young kids at home, you should resign yourself to the fact that your sex life is going to change.

Stress? If there is a lot of crap going on, kids having a hard time in school, car payment is going to be late, Mother-in-law is coming for a visit, it's hard to put out of our heads sometimes. Remember women are initially aroused in their brain, as opposed to visually, like men.

Anxiety about sex itself? Knowing that your husband/wife is expecting sex can be stressful. This is when it begins to feel like just one more thing he or she is expected to get done in a day.

Environment? I know that I am not aroused, when my house is a mess. A messy house is very stressful to me. I feel like everyone should pitch in, even if I am responsible for keeping the house nice. It makes me angry when my family makes a mess without cleaning it up. Especially when they seem to have no regard for my feelings. If I am feeling like the unappreciated maid, I won't be feeling like a lover.

Fighting? Fighting amongst yourselves is a sex killer. I have heard “The best part of fighting is making up.” But I don't believe it. In fact, I have never met one couple who ended a fight with sex.

What can be done about the things getting in the way?

Exhaustion: Even if you don't feel like your wife works, trust me-she does! Your not going to change her mind about this. The sooner your on her page, the better off you'll be. She wants to feel as though her work is recognized and appreciated. And, every now and then, she needs a break. A bubble bath is probably not the ticket, unless you can guarantee the kids won't be screaming at each other, or bothering her.

At least one day a week, I leave the house and do something,! I am not a complicated person. Sometimes it's just grocery shopping without the kids. If my husband checks the mail and finds a flier from our local fabric store, he will give me 20 bucks and tell me to go have some 'me time'. Whats important about that is, it was his own idea. And when the kids fuss because they want to go, he explains to them that I need time away by myself. Big points for Sexy Papa. Fabric shopping by myself-very arousing. If he has put the kids to bed by the time I get home, bonus points.

Stress: Very often there isn't anything we can do to eliminate stress. Understanding when your partner is stressed out is key. Maybe instead of thinking about sex, the husband and wife talk about the stress and try to come up with a plan to battle it. There is no harm in trying. Maybe all the time spent together, talking, will lead to sex later. Maybe the problem gets solved and you have sex to celebrate.

Stress in men is often alleviated by some down time. I think it's important for my husband to have some time to himself when he gets home. So if he doesn't start talking to me right when he gets home, I don't go yack his ear off with my day to day crap, unless it's important. We'll have time to talk later when the kids go to bed. He needs to get over the stress from work before he can even hear about the stress at home.

Anxiety about sex itself: My wife should give me sex whenever I want it. Not so long ago, my husband belonged to that school of thought. Guess where that got him?
While he was feeling entitled, I was feeling like it was another chore. Chores=not fun. I resisted, he became grumpy. "I guess I'll go to bed, not like I'm getting sex anyway." I heard that a lot. Finally one day I turned to him and said "talking about all the sex your not getting is not a turn on to me." His pouting like a 2 year old before he even tried to coax me always made me go cold. The light bulb started to flicker for him.

Stop bugging your wife for sex. Matter of fact, try to go a couple of days without bringing it up. Just to see what happens. I can tell you, my husband is a much happier boy. He still pouts on occasion, but only if it's been a really long time.

While we're on the subject, a long time is MORE than 14 days. Most married people don't have sex everyday. The average amount of times married couples have sex is slightly more than once per week. Look it up!

Environment: Try pulling your weight around the house without expecting sex as a reward. No married couple should be using sex as a tool. Occasionally my husband will pitch in on a marathon cleaning session. Somehow he has figured out that if the house is clean by Sat. night, he is more likely to get Sunday morning sex. If he is home when I pull out the vacuum, he offers to do it, because he knows it hurts my knees. Those little things make a big difference to me.

Fighting: Screaming, throwing things, slamming doors. These things create a terrorizing environment. Gaven DeBecker wrote something that basically stated: Men fear that a woman will reject him. Where as a woman fears that he will kill her. We aren't so far removed from the past that we don't realize that it can happen. And if your screaming at your wife a lot, she is wondering when it will get turned up a notch. She is wondering if your going to hit her.

Think about the reason for your fighting. Determine it's weight in your relationship. Is the thing your fighting about important enough to wager your marriage on? There is a time in every relationship where the issues are important enough to fight about. That being said, fighting should not be a weekly event.

Would you scream at your boss the way your scream at each other? How about your mother, or even a stranger on the street? Doesn't the person you love deserve at least as much respect as you would show a passing stranger?

How often do problems get solved by fighting? I know I didn't feel satisfied after a good screaming match. Neither did my husband.

Whatever it is you can do to get away from this scenario, DO IT!

Please feel free to jump in here with anything that is on your mind. Aliceson, I am contemplating your comment. That's a tough one.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Lets Talk About S e x pt.1

See, I got you interested in the s e x with my title. No it's not that kind of post.
This week I would like to post a series of entries about sex. Just my opinions on some things I have figured out. But thinking about these things has helped me, so I want to share.

Let's Talk About Sex part 1

I am of the opinion that the battle of sex, in a marriage, comes down to a simple old phrase:

Wife: Whats mine is mine and whats his is mine.
Husband: Translation--She gets sex whenever she wants it. I get sex, only when she wants it.

Now, I realize that not all long term relationships are defined in that way. Everyone is different, if even just a little bit. But I bet, if you asked 100 husbands, the majority of them, would identify with the previous statement.

Lately, I can't get enough of Sexy Papa (my hubby). Maybe I am hitting my "prime"? That seems odd to me, as I am still 29 and holding, but whatever.
Suddenly it doesn't sound fair; that Sexy Papa doesn't get it whenever he wants it and I do.
Since the days of the submissive wife have long since passed, men are left pondering..."I thought once I got married, I would get laid all the time. What the hell happened?"

I have been thinking about this situation for a long time now. Trying to figure things out, in order to better make our marriage work. I want to have more sex with my husband, I really do. But it seemed as though some unknown force was standing in the way. I have come to understand some things that I am eager to share with the rest of the married world.

First, and most important, in my opinion, is honesty. I think it's high time we, as a demographic, got over the Junior High giggles, when it comes to talking about sensitive issues. Women, this is especially important for us.
Second, we have to get over our own selfish needs and be able to listen, hear and ponder the honesty which we are about to receive. Guys this one is especially important to you.

There are many things that can and will go wrong, making it impossible for a woman to want sex.

What if the wife has gas? It happens right? But do we tell our husbands? Nope. We just shrug off his advances, leaving him to believe 'She just doesn't want to have sex with me.'
Why can't the wife be honest with the husband? Maybe she is afraid he will tease her. Maybe she is still holding out hope that he believes her to be the perfect human being, who doesn't produce any bodily functions, which might offend someone. News flash ladies... Your husband has figured it out. Your only human. Get over it.

The honesty part is a whole lot easier, when we know that our husband is listening to us. It's hard to spell it out for men sometimes, so let me try to do it now.

Question: Why can't a woman want sex when she has gas?
Answer: Because she wants to relax and enjoy herself with you. It's hard to do when your concentrating on not farting on your husband. Do you have kids? Have you ever noticed your wife cross her legs before she sneezes? She does that so she doesn't pee on herself. Her abdominal muscles don't work as well as they used to, on their own. You want your wife to enjoy herself don't you? She is not going to relax enough to have an orgasm if she holding back gas!

What about those of us who feel a little less than beautiful? Maybe we are having issues with our weight? This also happens, frequently.
The husband wants to see his wife naked. The wife wants to keep the lights out and her shirt on. The truth about this situation is:
Your husband thinks your beautiful. He especially likes it when your naked. He loves all of your part, perfect or not. They make you who you are.
Your wife is much more relaxed when she feels comfortable. She might even be willing to try something new in bed, if she felt sure you weren't going to try and relieve her of her shirt.

What if the wife was honest, and told her husband "I feel much more comfortable during sex with my shirt on."?
What if the husband pondered the honesty and then said "I love it when your naked. Your perfect to me. But if you feel better with a shirt on, I can accept that." And then don't try to take her shirt off.

Third, but still important is compromise. Don't forget that you decided to spend the rest of your life with this person. Your a team, and it takes work. Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to.

My husband and I are working on these daily. For instance, when I tell him I have gas, he understands. Because I am able to be honest with him, he doesn't feel abandoned. He makes a fart sound with his mouth, we both have a laugh, and no ones feelings are hurt. It's important for both of us that he knows: It's not that I don't want to have sex with him, it's something else, that neither of us can control, and life goes on.
We compromise about my shirt too. I usually wear something that he thinks is sexy, like a white tank top. If I am feeling up to it, I will wear a sexy camisole or short nightie. He understand that I am more comfortable, and that the sex is more important than the naked.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Remember These?

My daughter, DQ, is in summer school this year. I don't think it's as rigorous a day as it used to be. She has learned a new skill, having nothing to do with education. She came home on Monday making one of these.


You remember these don'tcha? Little keychains or bracelets made out of plastic lace?
I thought 'Oh, this is great.' I told her and Miss Thang I would buy them some of their own lace and some floss so they could make more of these. I mean what mom in her right mind wouldn't love a cheap craft that keeps a child occupied for hours? Plus DQ felt a sense of accomplishment when she was done. She did a really good job.

She informed me, later that day, that she needed .25 cents to give to the girl who gave her the supplies. OK, sounds fair to me. She went off to school Tuesday with her .25 cents and her completed keychain.

Tuesday she gets off the bus with another set of laces, working on another key chain.

ME: "So do you need another quarter to give to your friend?"
DQ: "No" as she is busy weaving while she walks.
ME: "Well what happened to the one you made yesterday?"
DQ: "I gave it back to her."
ME: "Why did you do that?"
DQ: "Because she wants them back. We are in a club, and we all make these. Then when we are done, we give them to her and she gives us $10 in fake money."

I'm thinking OK, they have some little reward system set up, how cute.

Yesterday she comes home with yet another set of laces. After dinner we were out on the front porch, and she is busy at her weaving.
I asked "What do you do with your $10 fake money?"
DQ: "I don't know. She just gives it to us."
ME: "Well what does she do with all the keychains?"
DQ: "She is going to sell them. She said she wants to make 10 thousand dollars doing this."

That's when it hit me. This kid has got a group of girls making these for her so she can make a profit. Which wouldn't bother me, accept that the laborers get nothing in return.

I had to explain to DQ what this kid was pulling. I told her she would not be doing anymore, and she could take the unfinished lace back to the girl at school.

Then I promptly walked into my studio and found a weaving loom, cotton crochet thread and some beads. I explained to DQ that if she wanted to make keychains or braceletts she could do it with her own materials and sell them herself. At this point I was pretty mad. I told her she could be the girls competition. And because of all the things I already have to do these, DQ's items would be better than the plastic lace.

I taught her how to do "snake on a pole" thread braceletts, which she practiced last night. Since she doesn't have school today, I am going to show her how to make a bohemian bead bracelett on a loom. I predict that by the time school starts again on Mon. DQ will have a few items to take to school if she chooses.

I am thankful to the girl for peaking DQ's interest in this sort of thing. But I am pissed that she tried to use my kid as slave labor.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

When I grow up.

This lovely Thursday morning I am participating in The Writer's Workshop hosted by Mama's Losin' It.
She gives 5 prompts, you have to pick one and go with the flow.

In honor of my Mother's 73rd birthday today, I choose number 2.

2.) When I grow up I want to be like...

If I were ever to decide to grow up, I would want to be like my Mom. Although she did not give birth to me, she has always been the best Mother a child could have.

After years of abuse and neglect and general dislike, the woman who actually gave birth to me, signed me over to the care of the state. I feel very fortunate to have come to live with my Foster Mom, Winnie, when I was 15 years old.

She did not have fancy things, a big house or lots of money. She had things no amount of money could buy. The ability to care about others. To put a stranger before herself. She knew what a kid needed to grow up healthy and emotionally strong. She was able to show love and concern even when I was determined to destroy myself. She taught me right from wrong without ever laying a hand on me.

As I got older I began to feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Because my Mom picked me, to be her daughter. And even years later, after we both departed the foster care system, she is still proud to be my Mom. Of all the amazing things my Mom can do, her special ability to be a good mother and provide a stable family home to a girl who had never known one, is her best talent.

I can, without a doubt, say that she saved my life. Were it not for her, I would be dead. So, should choose to actually grow up, I want to be a Foster Parent, just like my Mom. If I can do half as good a job as she did, I will be making the world a better place.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Lazy Ass Tuesday

I tell you what, it's a good damn thing Keely host Random Tuesday thoughts. Otherwise I might not write on this blog at all these days. So hats off to Keely, for getting me off my lazy ass. You can get off your lazy ass too, just visit The Un Mom to find out how.

To tell ya the truth, I don't really feel like I have much to contribute today. I feel like I have been to busy to think, let alone come up with witty banter for Tuesday. But in keeping with my lazy ass theme, I will give it a half assed shot.

I know I previously mentioned that my business was closed. But I have decided to do Christmas again. I had some good sales last Christmas season. More importantly I enjoyed making the items last year. I know your all thinking "It's July you fruit loop. Not Christmas" Yeah, yeah, I know. But if I am going to participate I need to start preparing now.

I am having a hard time with DQ (age 10) these days. She has got a real chip on her shoulder. Walks around here thinking she is entitled to anything she wants. She is selfish and mean to the other girls. Is it bad that I told her yesterday "You have made me so angry, I would like to beat the hell out of you. But I won't cause I am a good mother."? I felt like she needed to know I was really not happy with her. Problem is I don't think she gives a shit. Truth is, if I thought beating her ass one good time would help I would probably do it.

I slept in on Sunday for the first time since Itty Bit was born. Just so you know, she is 5 1/2. I slept until almost 10 am. It wasn't exactly fabulously lazy sleeping in though. I was up all night Sat. with a horrible stomach ache. I think I may have an ulcer. But it was nice to be able to catch up on the lost sleep, as opposed to just staying up and going about my day.

Why or Why must it be that time of the month... when Sexy Papa has a long 4 day weekend?

I think I may have to read the rest of the Twilight series. I watched it again last night with Sexy Papa. He liked it too. But we are the kind of odd balls who like a goofy vampire movie. He said he was surprised I hadn't read the rest of the books yet.

OK, thats all I got for today. Head over to Keely's for more random fun.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

A (Not So) Friendly Letter

For everyone who is NOT the person referred to in this post, please excuse my rant. The person referred to in this post, who shall remain nameless, will never read it. But posting it will make me feel better.

Dear Ex-friend/ex-business partner,

I have recently been made aware of somethings you posted on Myspace:

I tried to sell things with a friend online for a while and that didn't work out but I do believe that is the reason why I no longer have a friend. I would much rather have a friend than a business and I learned that lesson the hard way.

My family attends church every week and we all love Jesus. When he truly came into our lives there was a change in all of us that I can not even put into words properly. I have done things in my life that I am not really proud of, things that I am ashamed of, but I know that I am forgiven. If you do not like the fact that I love God well then I guess that is your problem, not mine.

There was more to that blurb, but I will leave it out for now. I just want to say, I thought the "nice" thing to do would be to let the friendship fade away. I didn't want to get up in your face and be nasty about it. I didn't want to make the split public, and talk shit to anyone who would listen. But since you decided to take the low road, I feel I must rebut. Even if it's only to make myself feel better, knowing you'll never read it.

Since you seem to think I am cutting you out of the business, let me set you straight: The business is closed. I shut down the website. The economy sucks, and until it gets better, I don't see the need to pay money for services that aren't producing sales.

In case you were interested in the real reasons we are not friends anymore, let me enlighten you:

Because your not the same person I came to know all those years ago.

Because you joined the Purple Sticky Punch church, and you would have nothing to do with organized religion when I met you. AND you try to shove it all down my families throat.

Because you make your children confess their "naughtiness" on the alter in front of the entire congregation.

Because you tell your kids to swallow their spit when they come to tell you they are thirsty.

Because you thought it was funny to let your kids sing Old Dirty Bastard to their teacher... in first grade.

Because your husband kills unwanted newborn kittens with a shovel head, or a shot gun. AND your neighbor drowns them in buckets of water... AND YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY??? Hello, PETA headquarters are 30 minutes from your house. They probably would have come to pick them up. (Not that I like what PETA does, but it's a whole lot better than you!)

Because when you babysat my child, and she actually hurt herself on your trampoline, you told her she was being a whiny brat and to go back out and play.

Because you will walk into a store with every intention to steal.

Because I know how much your bills are and what your husband gets paid (Plenty) and you still get hand outs from the church... big ones!

Because your house is so fucking filthy I would pick up a trash bag to start cleaning when ever I came to visit. Can you say 3 day old salad on the floor under the table? How about a weeks worth of dishes in your kitchen sink, complete with hoards of roaches feasting on the left overs? I just couldn't stand to go to your house anymore. AND you think it's perfectly fine for your children to live in that.

Because you make promises you don't intend to keep.

Because you tried to cut costs and save money by letting your baby sit in dirty diapers. To the point where his diaper rash was so horrible that his entire ass was bleeding.

Because when you brought me completed product to be listed for our "business" it was a half-assed job, and you knew it and didn't care. And it quickly became apparent to me you were trying to make a fast easy buck. Whereas I love to create and always turned out the best product I could.

Yeah, and as far as business... when your church needed a donation, and you just didn't have the time, I gave them a donation, that I handmade, on behalf of "Our" company. You got tons of orders based on that donation, and it didn't occur to you once to share any of the orders with me. Then you have the nerve to turn around and tell me how busy you are trying to complete all those orders?

So if I somehow lead you to believe I didn't want to be your friend anymore so I could have the business all to myself, I am sorry. I didn't realize you thought I was such a lowdown dirty person that I could do that to a friend. I hope that now you understand the error in your thinking. Maybe I should have just come out and told you that I think the way you choose to live your life is pretty horrible. OR, maybe you should go up to the alter yourself and confess your sins.

Your un-employed ex-friend