Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Lets Talk About S e x pt.3

If you missed previous post you can see them here... Part 1 Part 2

Wrapping up this weeks discussion on sex and making it work for our marriage.

Let's Talk About Sex Part 3

Starting out small

Wives-Your husband wants more sex. Chances are you want to be having more sex with your husband. What are you going to do about it? Try to take note of the things that are getting in the way of it. If you feel a headache coming after dinner, do something to ward it off. Take an aspirin, take a shower. Whatever it is that helps you.

If your children have stressed you out by dinner time, set up the hour before dinner as quiet reading time. Put your foot down, and don't take no for an answer.

Is there something your husband could do to help your mood? Tell him about it.

Truly just not feeling arousable as though nothing could get you in the mood. Figure out what will, and partake in it. Do romantic movies leave you feeling like you want to make love to your husband? Maybe some erotic stories will help. They sell them at all the book stores.
Figure out what is standing in the way of your sex life and move it.

Husbands-Your wife loves you and wants to make you happy. Take a step back and try to observe her life. Don't bring up the subject of sex in words. Take note of what is going on in your house when your wife Does want to have sex.

Did you cook on the grill and use paper plates, so that there is no mess in the kitchen? Did your kids go to bed without a fight? Are all the bills paid? Maybe it was something as simple as bringing her her favorite candy bar, telling her she is beautiful. Did she overhear you tell your buddy how great of a mother she is? Did you spend time together doing something fun?

Maybe she doesn't even realize what "puts her in the mood". Are you going to be her knight in shining armor and figure it out for yourself?

I am no expert in the subject, aside from being a wife to a husband who wants more sex. I realized that I wanted more sex with my husband, but by the time we got around to it, I didn't want it anymore. Then I decided to figure out why. Fixing the problem(s) was easy, once I knew what they were.

Some of the problems holding us back were easier to fix than others.

Getting him to stop bugging me, about the sex.

Remodeling our house so that it feels more like a home. (Still working on that, but the closer we get, the more sex I want!)

When I realized the mess in my kids room was stressing me out, I moved them around. I put their bunks back together in 1 room. Put all the toys in the other, call it a playroom and shut the door when I don't want to look at it.

The baby turned 5 this year, and will go into kindergarten in the fall. I am not nearly as stressed out and tired as I was when my kids were younger. That helps.

Doing things that I love; sewing, writing a book. I can't explain how, I just know that it helps.

Taking back control of my household from my kids. They know if they continue to fight, they might just get put to bed early.

Then there are the problems that took honest hard work.

Fighting used to be a weekly (if not more) event for us. It took me a good many years to realize the problems weren't what we were fighting about. I also realized his anger wasn't mine to fix. We were separated for a while. And while faced with loosing his wife and 2 little girls he decided to seek counseling.

We are in a much better place now. I am sorry it took so long to get here. We still fight. But I can count on 1 hand the number of fights we have in a year.

My husband and I have a great sex life. We have more sex than most couples, though he doesn't always agree. We are not the same people we were when we first got married. We have evolved into grown-ups, as scary as that sounds, and we appreciate each other.


  1. Great advice once again! I should have my husband read this. He always wishes that we had more sex but could use some pointers on what it is that makes women want to have more sex. Rubbing his man tool in my back while we're lying in bed after a long day doesn't quite do it for me. Him vacuuming or doing a load of laundry is a total turn on.

  2. Gotta love the first comment!!! I think a lot depends on the personalities of the individuals, some peoples sex drives are different than others, too much sex to one person, may be too little to the next!

  3. My husband and I really don't fight. I stopped after the first year of marriage. We like to be passive aggressive. It's probably for the best. Better not to say anything than something that you will regret

  4. Very sensible advice. Thank you.

  5. You so need to enlighten the blog dad's with these posts. Do you mind if I forward your links?

  6. Men need to understand that foreplay involves the WHOLD day prior to sex...the stupid stuff a husband does all day to make a wife happy and suported count too!


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