10.26.10

Have you ever seen a license plate that says something like BOBS WIF or JRS GIRL ?  How about internet screen names along the lines of "So 'n' So's Honey/Wife/Girlfriend....?  It always irritates the crap out of me when I see something like that.  That a woman could be so wrapped up in her man, she's lost her own identity.  Even if it is a simple thing as a plate or a S.N., she has still reduced herself to property.  I mean, it's great that you love someone so much, but did you lose yourself along the way?  It always reminds me of the Dom/Sub relationship.

And then yesterday I realized, as much as I never wanted to be, I am no different.  I have become the Submissive without even knowing it  Or giving consent!

My face hurts from the acne caused be stress. 

My mouth is sore from chewing my cheek and biting my lip in constant worry.

I don't have laugh lines.  I have frown lines.  And my jaw hurts from clenching my teeth in my sleep.

My stomach is torn up again, and yes, I have started the Prilosec again.

My body does suffer physical pain at the hands of my Dom.  Only he never soothes me when it's over.  He is blissfully unaware.

The only good that has come out of this is the weight I have lost.  40 lbs fell off me so fast, that my stomach has excess skin.  Not much, but I notice it.

These days I am feeling so trapped I might as well be chained to a wall in the basement.  I'm already defeated.