Friday, June 19, 2015
So Be It
Well It would appear I'm single again. I gave HotRod some time. I've not gotten more than a handful words from him. I suspect this is actually what he wanted. Why he said he wanted something different eludes me. I can't afford to put any more energy toward thinking about it. The truth is, I'll probably never know.
What I do know, is lying insults my intelligence. And his too, for that matter. He knew I wasn't stupid. It just reaffirms all the other times I thought he was lying, but couldn't be sure, so I let it go.
We chatted for a few minutes on facebook the other day. You know when you send someone a message, it tells you when it was "Seen". When I did that three times in a 15 minute span, saw that he'd read them as they came in, and didn't respond, I got a little miffed. 24 hours later I asked if I'd offended him in some way, because I hadn't heard a peep from him. He said he'd fallen asleep. Really? And you couldn't be bothered to contact me all day? After you implied that you wanted to start over?
That pretty much sums up why I broke up with him in the first place. Being blown off and lied too about it.
I'm ok. It was a two month blip. I wanted more than he can give. Better I know now than 6 months or a year down the road. Like I told him, if I'm going to feel lonely, I might as well be alone. I don't chase boys. Especially ones who don't want to be caught.
What pisses me off is myself. That I was gullable enough to think HotRod would be any different from the masses. Don't get me wrong, he was an all around nice guy. But I'm feeling a little used at the moment. And monumentally stupid.
I'll go back to what I was doing before this happened. Painting. Working. Living. Yeah, I still believe in fairytales. But maybe not every story has a prince charming. Mine might be a different kind of Happily Ever After.
She spent her days filling canvas with color, in her flowing hippie dresses, surrounded by cats who adored her. And she lived happily ever after.
Truth be told, I've got my work cut out for me with DQ. Until I get her straightened out, I'm going to fly under the radar and avoid all men like the plague. Because one can only handle so much drama at a time.