Thursday, August 13, 2009

10 Things I Hate About You

It's Thrusday, time for writers workshop. I love this prompt... seems to be just what I was looking for.
4.) List ten things you would say to ten different people in your life...if you had the hutzpah.

Sexy Papa: Lead by example. You can not get pissed off when DQ doesn't remember to do what you asked, when you rarely remember to do what I ask.

DQ: Some days I find it very hard not to put your head through a wall.

Itty Bit: If you don't stop screaming about every.little.thing I may be forced to strangle you.

Mom: DQ and Itty Bit are not your children. They are mine. While appreciate your trying to "help" I am not going to do it your way. Stop fussing at me as if I were 13 years old.

Allison: I knew Chris wasn't good for you, but I didn't say anything. I just liked that you were happy. I'm sorry.

Dora: I am so glad you and Bart aren't together anymore. But enough time has passed, you can come home now. I hate that your so far away.

Abby: You need to leave your husband. I don't know why you put up with it.

Abby's Husband: Your an asshole, and your kids don't want to come home when you are there alone. If your not going to be nice to your family, you should at least watch your back. I may kill you myself.

Elderly Neighbor: We are non-denominational. We believe in God, but we don't believe in organized religion. My children are free to choose what they feel best when they are older. I am never going to let them go to sunday school or vacation bible school with you. Stop asking.

Brother: It really upsets me when you act like I am a mean parent. You don't have kids, therefore you aren't entitled to an opinion.

Post Script: Wow, after reading that, I sound depressing and violent. Don't take it literally people. I have no intention of killing anyone... And I never touch my kids, that's probably why they act like little shits sometimes.

BONUS:
10 things I want to say to people I don't know, but totally would if I had the chance....

PETA: You have potential to make a difference in the world, if you would stop acting like an extremist group. As of right now, your not far from being lumped in with terrorist.

Haynes Furniture: You have a sale twice a week, which leads me to believe the "sale" price is just your regular price with a bow on it. I am not the only one who has noticed. Spend less money on massive advertising for sales and actually give me a sale price!

Radio stations: When I hear a Haynes commercial, I change the channel. I am betting your other advertisers wouldn't be happy to hear that.

TV Stations: See above? Same to you.

New Mailman: I know it's a pain in the ass to deliver all those sale papers and what not, But I actually look forward to some of them, ahem, I NEED my Joann's Fabrics coupons!!!


Rush Limbaugh: Shut the fuck up already. You sound like an uneducated driveling moron, and we are all laughing at you.

Bill O'reilly: You should quit while your ahead. Your giving Republicans a bad name.

Networks: A "season" of television is more than 5 new episodes in a row. A "season" Starts in Sept. and goes straight on through until May, with maybe a break for the holidays. Got it!!!?

Dell: If a computer is going to cost me the same as a down payment on a house, it should last more than 2 fucking years!!!!

Democrats: Where are you when all the fear injected protesters are disrupting town hall meetings? We really need to get together and say we are For some sort of change!


Thank you for your attention, you may now return to your regularly scheduled lives.

If you want to participate, go hit up Mama's Losin' It. She posts the assignments every Wed. So you have no excuse not to play along.

18 comments:

  1. OMG! That was hysterical! This would be so fun to do but most of my family reads my blog and I wouldn't feel right telling them how I really feel. Fun to read yours though. I especially love the note to the elderly neighbor. My (69 year old) boss is always inviting us to her church and insisting I sign my kids up for VBS. I keep telling her no (I too beleive that my kids may decide on religion when they are old enough to know what the heck religion even is) She also doesn't like the fact that I still have the Obama bumper sticker on the back of my truck.

    And what is with those crazy health care reform protestors? There's a great post up at Margaret and Helen on this very topic. I love those old ladies! margaretandhelen.wordpress.com

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  2. I don't think you sound depressing and violent... I think you sound real, and I loved this!!!! violent only counts when you act on it.....

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  3. HP computers aren't any better than Dell's. My husband bought one last year, July 15, to be exact. The new one should arrive tomorrow.

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  4. Love this post. I wrote one too, but after hubby guessed all 10 "random" people I decided I better not post it. I've gotten in enough trouble because of my blog this summer. I need to wait until Christmas at least.

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  5. way to be brave and put names to the list! go you!
    I hope Dora comes back soon and that networks read your blog and do a whole season.

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  6. Feel better getting that all off your chest? 'Cause I feel better for reading it. Great post.

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  7. The cure for depression and violence is to let it out and tell everyone what you think. Of course, that can lead to a solitary life, but ...

    I liked your words to those you don't know - although I might suggest PETA long ago crossed over into terrorism.

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  8. Wow I'm feeling the love in the first part!!! LOL tickled me.

    Not much on the change on the second part though, the change we have already gotten has double the debt.

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  9. Two things:
    1. I need to do your second one (people or entities I don't know).
    2. Oy. Too many of the people on my list read my dang blog!

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  10. If you think you sound violent I must be violent lol

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  11. Amen! You don't sound violent at all...I am sure all those people deserve your truths.

    And I'm with ya on Rush adn PETA.

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  12. Sean Hannity would be on my list, that ignorant asshole! I am glad that I am not on your list!

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  13. I can relate the first one lol!

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  14. Youre right, mine was a lot nicer! =D I did this a while ago and it was much more depressing. I like the list for people you dont know too - wicked funny

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  15. Well done! I approve this message...LOL

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  16. I did this once and got anonymous hate comments for weeks. i feel it is my moral duty to say to you know: RIGHT ON SISTER!

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  17. You don't sound depressed or violent, just uncensored.

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