Friday, May 22, 2015

Dear So and So

This is one of my favorite blog formats. Dear So and So. Things you would say to people if you could, or if you would be able to get away with it.

Dear Dave, 
I know you were trying to bait me into a debate over my shitty choice of music. I didn't take it, because I don't give a damn what your opinion is. Or anyone else for that matter. It's funny to me when you chastise people for being sheep, AND belittle me for not liking your music. In case you didn't notice, I'm not one of the masses. And even if I was a follower, you're not cool enough to lead.

Dear Boss/Brother,
I've finally figured out why I get more done when you're not around. It is essentially that you're not around...asking me to help you with this and that. Asking me to grab something for you. Yes, less gets done when there is only one person on the job. But that one person gets a hell of a lot more done, when she works by herself!

Dear Facebook,
Please stop reverting the timeline in my news feed, to top stories. As is evident by your targeted advertising, you've figured out that I like art supplies, rock concerts, chocolate and funky boots. Did it ever occur to you I don't care about what's popular? I want whats most relevant. 

Dear Client, 
Don't argue with the painter about color. And if you insist on arguing don't admit your ignorance at 4pm on a Friday, and ask that I repaint your kitchen with the correct color. I don't do regular painting. I was doing you a favor because you're old. Your only saving grace was the $100 tip for my time and trouble.

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