You want to talk about stress? I got a quick rundown for ya.
I am a single mom with no financial or co-parenting support.
I struggle to pay my bills Every Single Week.
DQ is Bi-polar and everyday is a test of my self control not to smack her.
Between Work, Girl Scouts, Dr. appointments, Court.... I run around like headless chicken.
My roommates are absolute slobs.
Everyday it's my responsibility to feed and clean up after EVERYONE in my house.
I have to find a new home for my dog.
I can't afford a real lawyer to take The Douche to court for alimony.
The Douche CAN afford a lawyer to thwart all my court actions.
I have been advised by my Legal Aid "Attorney" to find a better place to live.
I could keep going but I think you get the point. The important one on the list is the last one. I won't go into detail about that one right now, except to say, if I don't move, I risk losing custody of Itty Bit. Yeah, OVER MY DEAD BODY!
Alright, so when I picked myself up off the floor, and put on my big girl pants, I found a perfect opportunity. Itty Bit's Girls Scout leader needs a new roommate because hers are moving out of state. It's a 5 bedroom house, with plenty of room for everyone. She is clean and organized. I can afford the rent/bills. The girls won't have to change schools. Perfect! Right?
Except that I couldn't save up for the first months rent. When The Douche paid his child support back in December, they took away my food stamps. Which was fine by me. Until he stopped paying it in January. Then I was screwed. They will reinstate them in April. Until then I use whats left of my paycheck to feed everyone. I pay my household bills on a week by week basis.When it's all said and done there is nothing left To Save.
I was really looking forward to my tax returns. I was golden on that alone. Until they took all $4000+ of it for a 14 year old debt. Then I was fucked again. Until The Mural came up. I was saved again at that point. Until she changed her mind. Then I was... you know. I have already signed a rental agreement for the 1st of April. That's less than a week away. I'm screwed in every way but the good one. I'm also freaking out!
I don't subscribe to organized religion. I think church is a crock of crap. But I am spiritual. I've been asking God How much more am I expected to handle before I just give up? What have I done to deserve all this? Why do my girls get punished? When is enough enough? I prayed that he would help me with my current dilemma so I can give my kids a better place to live.
Yesterday I sent DQ out to check the mail. She came back with an envelope that looked a lot like a government check. Addressed to me. Maybe child support? Ha, over HIS dead body. No, it was a remaining balance of $950 from my tax return. My debt is paid and there was some change! I nearly cried in relief. And then text my roomie-to-be to inform her!
Not only can I pay my first months rent and move out of this shit hole... But my debt is paid. So when the Human Services Department of the city hiring police officers checks my credit history, that won't be a flashing sign of "Irresponsibility"! Oh, didn't I mention I am in the application process for the police department? No? Well that's another post for another day.
Yes, every day I struggle to put one foot in front of the other. But somehow, when it really, really counts, we manage to pull through. I can only attribute this to the grace of God.