Wednesday, February 4, 2009

12 Items of Less Bitch

Can someone please explain to me, how it is that I ALWAYS end up picking the most fucked up line in the whole store?

My dear husband called me on my way home and asked me to pick up a loaf of Italian bread for dinner. Sure honey, no problem, that sounds good.

I run into the grocery store, right to the bakery, pick up my bread and head for checkout. This is important because I normally linger in the grocery store, looking for something I might need. Today I needed to get my bread and get the hell out of there.

There were a bunch of lanes open, which is unusual for this store. The express lane had a line crawling down an aisle. So I am looking to see if I have better options... looking, looking, AH HA, there is another express lane down at the end, and I don't see anyone sticking out past the impulse buy racks. So I head down there. 2 people in line, awesome right? Score? NO!

I am only standing there a minute or two when I realize the lady currently checking out has more than 12 items. A LOT MORE. She probably had 12 different jars of baby food alone, plus cereal, juice, tampons and panty liners, and other various assorted items. Oh lets not forget the beer. I am like, 'OK she won't actually take that long.' In all actuality she probably only had 25-30 items.

And then she does it... Pulls out a months worth of WIC checks and tells the cashier what kind of formula she needs. Which of course he has to leave to go get!!! Please do not misunderstand me... I have nothing against WIC. I got WIC for a little while when my oldest daughter was a baby. It's a great program. It is time consuming at the register. If you are using WIC checks you DO NOT belong in the 12 items or less, cash only EXPRESS LANE!

I don't know if I was more irritated by the fact that she was in that line or that she was so happy and playful and acting like nothing was wrong. I mean Jesus man, at least turn around and acknowlege the people behind you... Tell me a lie, say you didn't realize it was express or something! I could handle a lie (in that situation) better than "I just don't give a fuck about how anyone else might be inconvienced by my decision"!!!

When all was said and done, I think I spent half an hour getting 1 loaf of bread. Let me tell you what, that better be the best store bought bread I have ever eaten.


  1. No matter what. I always pick the slllowwwesst line. Especially if I change lines. Even slower. Betcha remembered something else you needed before you got to the car, too.

  2. I always pick the SLOWEST line...usually with the BIGGEST idiot in it. Why God? Why me?

    I hate the grocery store and this is the primary reason. Ugh!

  3. I'm right there with you sista!!!! I always get the slowest line, usually the express line. I think I get behind a Wic customer everytime I go to the store. Since in my former life as a single mom in college I know what Wic products are I have gone to looking in their cart to see if I see canned or apple juice, Kix, 2-3 gallons of milk

  4. Thanks ladies, I knew I wasn't the only one.

  5. Oh, I always end up in the worst line, too! Sometimes, if it's really close, and I can't decide which line will end up moving faster, I'll send one of my kids to stand in one line, while I wait in another. Then whichever line moves faster is the one we take!

    Grocery shopping sucks.

  6. Rachel, I love that! I have an almost 10 year old. Wonder if she could hold a line for me?



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