Sunday night as I sat in my slushy hangover fog, I got a text. From an unknown number. It asked if I had just charged $406 at a local drug store.
Um, no. I don't think even $400 worth of drug store crap could make me feel human again.
But I didn't reply. I thought maybe it was a fishing expedition. Instead, I went online to view my bank account. And holy shit, someone just used my card at the drug store. How is that possible? I still have my card.
Apparently I slid it through one of those reader-copier thingys that crooked assholes use to steal you credit card info. And once they had a duplicate card, they went on a shopping spree.
Ha! Jokes on you dumbass. I'm poor, so there wasn't that much money in the account.
Also, I'm a proactive motherfucker. I know the location, date and exact time of the theft. You better hope I don't come across a gullible cashier at the drug store who will show me the security tape.
It's instances like these that I like modern technology. I like that we are all being recorded and monitored. I might not have checked my account until it was time to pay my rent. They might have gotten away scott free, were it not for all the invasive things companies do to monitor every part of your life.
Yeah, yeah. I filed a claim with my bank's fraud department. They are sending me a new card and I should recover my money in about a week. Whatever.
Believe it or not, I'm not angry. I think it's kind of funny. They went to all that trouble to get to my money, only to find I didn't have any.