Thursday, May 7, 2009

He Thinks I'm Dumb and That's OK With Me.

I think broadly speaking, men feel women are not as smart as them. I have personally seen it on several occasions, but I won't get into other peoples lives.

Sexy Papa tells me I am the smartest woman he knows... but he doesn't act like it. I believe he thinks I am stupid. Well maybe not stupid, just not as smart as him. Even though I have proven this not to be the case more than once. Don't get me wrong, Sexy Papa is smart. He is a wiz at math. Can build custom furniture and cabinets with the best of them. As far as street smarts, well he knows when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em, if you know what I mean. But none of that means he is smarter than me.

This "project" has, once again, shown me how dumb he thinks I am. When we were first deciding on what we needed to redo our kitchen a descusion of screws came up. Drywall screws to be exact, and how long should they be. While in the aisle at Home Depot, we debated over 2" or 3". I said we should get the 3's because we didn't know exactly what was in the way of the ceiling studs. Better to be safe. He said, since we were using half inch drywall and what was up was probably no more than 3/4", a 2 inch screw should be fine.
Well fast forward to the day he actually puts the dry wall up, and guess what?... the 2" screws aren't long enough. I literally laughed out loud... at him... in front of his friend! Thank God his friend had 3" drywall screws in his truck. I might have had to kill Sexy Papa if that ceiling didn't get put up.

Yesterday I was working on skimming the walls with mud. A nice new even coat on a couple of wall that were old and had hairline cracks in them. I am sanding away, smoothing things out. Dust everything off and then wipe it with a wet sponge before putting another coat on. All of this might lead a reasonalble person to believe I kinda know what I am doing. He said to me, "You know everything has to be sanded before we paint. I mean not just what you have mudded, but every where that's going to be painted." I reply with a smile on my face, "Yes, and dusted and wet wiped. So that the surface is rough enough for the paint to stick to. And you want to wet wipe it so the dust doesn't hamper your work. Honey, you know my brother is a painter right? I have done this more than once."

I may not be a drywall guy or a painter, but I CAN do it. I don't like to but I know how. I mean, I have worked on a construction crew before. I have also worked with my brother. I have actually been paid to paint murals on walls before. Everyone else seems to think I am capable of this, why doesn't he?

I usually say that "he thinks I'm stupid, and that's OK with me." I find it an advantage when one person underestimates the other. When we "debate" over unimportant things, ( What some political person said) and I know it's not going to be resolved, I just say "OK Dear". It's enough for me to know I'm right. I hold a strong believe to Not Argue Over Dumb Shit. It's more important that everyone is happy. I gernarally get a kick out of shocking him, because he thinks I am stupid. This was a lot more fun when we were seperated. I held a "Go ahead and think I'm dumb all you want. It will only be that much more of a slap in the face when you realize you've been had."

Now-a-days it isn't so much of a satisfaction, more like an annoyance. So I guess I brought the whole kitchen thing on myself. Maybe one of these days he will figure out, more like it will hit him like a ton of bricks, that I am pretty smart. I can hold my own. I know what I am talking about. I might have a point.

PS: If it doesn't stop raining soon, I may be forced to do something drastic. Like duct tape my kids to a wall, or at the very least... go shopping with money we don't have to cheer myself up!


  1. Yes! This happens with my husband and I all the time. We are chronic remodlers and have rehabbed 5 houses, most of them down to the studs and never hired any contractors. Over the years I have learned everything from framing to carpentry. Granted my husband does most of the skilled work and heavy lifting, but I usually work right alongside him. His problem is that he can't watch me do it on my own. If he's helping things are good (because he is in charge) but if I'm on my own he questions ever move I make. It's not that my husband, or yours for that matter thinks we are dumb, but they like to be in control of the situation. My theory I guess.

    Way to go on the Kitchen remodel though, I think it's great when women take charge by grabbing a drywall knife and a pan of mud! Girls rule, buys drool!

  2. You sound pretty smart to me. I don't feel women are dumb. Some are, some aren't. Just like men are. It sounds like your husband feels a little insecure sometimes. You won't get anything by making him even more insecure. I think you are doing the right thing by not arguing. In order for you to win, he has to lose. If he wins, then you have to lose. For a win-win situation, it is best to avoid arguments altogether.

  3. Duct taping the kids to the wall is an option, you could also "mud" them to the wall, kind of like burying them in the sand at the beach, same, same :). (I'm kidding, seriously).
    Women are superior over men, full stop.

  4. It is an advantage, but it is simultaneously irritating.

    I'm not saying I'm a bag of genius or anything, but I am not an idiot. I comprehend quite clearly, and I function properly.

    My ex thought I was "not very bright." "Average at best," and all around, simply "not as intellectual" as he was. I didnt understand it. How could he claim to kno wme and not see it? Male ego, I attributed it to.

    I really found it baffling because there were several times when I would say things to him, and he didn't understand fully the message I was trying to convey (I'm a HUGE English buff you see, grammar, literature, the whole 9 yards, so) my word choice or unusual syntax would sometiems throw him off). At times like those, I had to back pedal and explain things to him in a simpler way.

    And he thinks I'm stupid?

    No I can't crunch numbers speedily and I don't have a million and two mathematical formulas jammed in my head ready for use at a moments notice, but it doesn't mean I'm moronic.

    I comprehend. I respond accordingly.

    I'm not a genius, but I'm not an idiot. And he's defnitely not smarter than anyone I know.

    It's just more crap women have to put up with from men to help them feel better about themselves.

  5. Wow, My husband and I are also remodeling our kitchen. I have been taken the time to research our sinks and faucets. I like good quality name brand items that for resale value on the home make a difference. Of course when we came to a roadblock about one of the sinks not arriving on time for the granite template to be completed, all of a sudden my husband could get that very sink in just 1 week. He said "Doug" at Rona could get the sink in two days. I said that must mean the 2 speciatly stores that just deal with sinks and faucets must have no idea what they are talking about. ( same sink, from blanco) So I said go right ahead, you must know better... well guess what; Doug turned out to be an idiot. I guess a bigger idiot than myself for thinking I could pick out a sink. I could list atleast a dozen conversations like this that generally end the same way. I do also think i am smart and wasting away my potential playing wifey. However it also drives me to pick up where I left off and earn a degree in the very same field as my husband, surpass him and make him answer to me.%@#& that'd be awesome! I have figured something out though and it goes like this. If a man adores his mother for nothing more than her baking and cleaning skills, yet treats her like an moron when explaining anything outside of those boundries, you can generally figure out what his values are and he is most likley sexist. Hopefully you can spot it before you marry it.... good luck ladies!

  6. Men are not smarter than woman, they just think they are.


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