I knew. Long before he was ready to admit it. Sometimes he would look at me, like I'm not real. Or he would take in a breath, about to say something and then he stopped.
I can't blame him. I'm pretty guarded too. Telling someone you love them is powerful. It equates to saying, 'I'm vulnerable, and you're the one person who could hurt me.'
I knew I could love him. Easily. After our 24 hour long date. It was only a matter of whether that would be good for me. Would he change? When I realized he is good, I let go. Then I just had to wait for him to catch up. Or was it catch on?
Mr. Security stayed with us last weekend. The impending weather doom lurking and all. We'd made plans to watch Ultron and have a couple drinks Sat. night. I was so tired by that time, that I skipped the drinks and dozed on the couch through the movie.
He woke me up and made me move to the bedroom. As he was tucking me in, I was fussing about being so tired, and no fun. Apologizing for falling asleep. He leaned in and kissed my forehead. Saying, "Relax baby, I love you. I'll be right back."
In my head I'm all, 'oh thank god!', but I tell him I love him too. He was up and out of the room so fast, it was almost confusing.
I was more awake by the time he got back. "You love me." I say to him. His eloquent reply, "I didn't mean to say that out loud. I'm drunk. I'm being a dumb boy."
Needless to say I was a little miffed. I rolled over thinking, 'What the fuck? Who accidentally says I love you?'
Fast forward to the next night. I'd been brooding all day. When we were getting ready for sleep, curled up in bed, I noticed he was very quiet. I asked what he was thinking about and he said, "What I said last night."
This gives me the opportunity to tell him, "I've been thinking about it too. And if saying I love you makes him a dumb boy, then what does it make me? Because I said it back to you." He gets this look of surprise on his face. "You did?"
Well apparently, Mr. Security didn't hear me. He was so wrapped up in his head, and he ran out so fast, he missed it when I told him I love him, too. He back peddled hard because of it.
When we got all that straightened out... both laying our vulnerable cards on the table, I told him I knew he loved me. I was just waiting for him to figure it out.