She Does Not Get It

For the past 4 years, I've battled with DQ over just about everything. Some of it is normal teenage girl stuff. Wearing 10 lbs of make-up and hooker clothes to school. Not wanting to do her chores and sleeping a lot. THOSE are normal teenager things. She is 16 and I remember being her age.

Calling me a whore, a bitch, saying she hopes I get cancer... That Is Not Normal.  

Dealing with DQ is an all day, everyday...Whats the word I'm looking for?...challenge? I don't think that accurately describes what my house is like. 

I'm seeing a pattern emerge here. Yes, every interaction with DQ is stressful, and maddening. But sometimes she ramps up the levels to down right unbelievable. And it's usually over a boy.

And does DQ fall madly in love with boys at school or in the neighborhood? Well of course not, that would make her a normal teenager. She seeks out strangers on the internet. People whom she has no means to verify. I use the term "boy" loosely, because I am fully aware they could be grown me.

She "broke up" with some boy in Ohio, who she'd never actually met in person, but who she did exchange nude pictures with. The result, cutting up her arms, and landing in the psych ward. 

A year later, same thing. She'd talked to this boy for about a week. When he called it off, she went absolutely ape shit, threw my house into chaos and then cut up her arms. He was from Florida.

Back in Dec. she made plans with some boy who lived 4 hours away, to come and sneak her out of the house so they could go have sex in the woods. She even talked my Sister-in-law into a spa day where she got a Brazilian wax. For those who don't know, it's where some stranger slathers your girly bit with hot wax and rips all the hair out so you have a nice smooth vagina and asshole for the love of your life. Whom you've never actually met, ahem. She got caught. And again, made everyone's life unbearable for a couple of weeks.

This time...
Last weekend, she told me a surprise was coming at 4pm (it was a Sunday) as part of my mothers day present. The short version of reality is: She opened a dating profile online, where she lied about everything including her age, and used someone elses pictures. Met a "boy" who lives 2 hours away. Talked to him for 2 days. Then GAVE HIM OUR ADDRESS and invited him to come visit. She thought it would smooth things over if he brought coffee for me. 

The part that is terrifying, let me say again, she gave a strange man our address!!! She also told him all about her family life. He knew there were only us girls here. No big males or scary dogs to thwart any ill intentions. Is it any wonder my hair is grey?

Well she got caught, again. I intercepted and messaged this guy, pointing out the fact that since he is an adult and she is a minor it would be in his best interest to not EVER come to this city. I may have also mentioned I have a gun. I think self preservation can be a great motivator.

And DQ doesn't understand why I don't think this is wonderful.  She thinks I'm neurotic because I can't be here to protect my girls 24 hours a day and Itty Bit could become the bystander victim. 

 You know what came next? An absolute breakdown of civil behavior in my house! The next morning I woke to find photographs, that I display in the house, with permanent marker X's through her face. My favorite photo of me and my kids was DESTROYED. There is no way to replace that. And in her head, it's my fault for making her feel depressed. A couple days later, I discover a large painting I'd done of me and my girls, also had a large X in it. 

I went off! And then I went to look for something of hers to destroy. She pushed me, so I grabbed her arm and twisted it up behind her back. Told her I'd break it if she ever touched me again. Then she attacked Itty Bit. Itty Bit defended herself, and DQ was left with scratches all over her arms. She threatened to smack Itty Bit. I told her if she touched her sister, I'd knock her out and have her arrested. And then, my oldest child said to me, "I hope you die in a hole, you fucking piece of shit."

Nice right? 

Yesterday was Mother's Day. DQ called me a bitch and said I don't deserve to celebrate Mother's Day, because I'm a horrible mother.  I looked her dead in the face and said, "There used to be a time when your opinion counted, but it doesn't any more." And then I ignored her the rest of the day. When I didn't answer some question she had, she pushed me again. I challenged her to lay another hand on me, and she backed down quickly. 

I thank God every day for Itty Bit. She heals all my battle scars. Yesterday as we drove home from the Mother's day cookout, (I left DQ at home) Itty bit said to me,
"Thanks for giving birth to me, Mom. Cuz if you hadn't done that, I wouldn't be here, and I wouldn't have the most awesome mom in the world."

May 11, 2015