Look Out Below

I started marking my posts with the date. Because, as previously mentioned, I now think of this blog as a digital diary. Every now and then I will go back and read some of the posts, and reflect on how far I've come. How things have changed. 

It was July of 2014 when I finally severed the heart strings to Bam. It's been 10 months, since then. It took me two years to get to that point. It was a long road of many wasted tears. I survived. I came out stronger and wiser on the other end.

I am a people person. I'm very social. And maybe I'm stuck in fairytale land, but I like the idea of having my forever someone. I also understand that no one is perfect and neither are relationships. 

But... Because of the damage, I am very cautious when it comes to matters of the heart. Hyper aware and always on the look out, for anything that might indicate I'll get hurt.

That's why I've been on so many first dates in the last 10 months, just to tick them off the list. No, no, no, psycho, no, no, looking for sex... you get the point. I took my profile down and opted for a break. I was loosing faith in MANkind.

And then BING!

I met him through social media, we both follow a local facebook page. And he expressed that he didn't really see himself dating anytime soon, and that was fine with me. I understand that when a man tells you he only wants to be friends, you should take him at his word. All my friends are guys anyway, and it never hurts to have more. He was a cool mo-fo, so I was content to add him to my friend list.

But the more we talked the brighter the bulb got. For him too, he told me as much. And then we met and the light bulb made a "bing" sound in my head. He later told me, that when I grabbed his face, kissed him and said, "just so there is no confusion", he was 'doneski'. I had him hook, line and sinker. I'd only met him an hour previous.

Because here's the thing, I've learned a lot about myself in the last year. As much as I'm firm on what I don't want, I also know what I do want. And when that "bing" went off in my head, I knew we would be golden. 

I've learned, through trial and error, (mostly error) that three months is a fair amount of time to truly know a person. The normal person can only pull off a persona for about 3 months, before the truth starts to show. For me, I can usually pick up on things quickly now. Even if I never call them on their bad behavior, a little lie, snapping at servers, rude off color comments, all those little things add up to a big picture. So do things such as, spending your Saturday helping a friend in need, taking in and loving a rescue dog, and not beating said dog when he craps on your carpet, making sure your new girlfriend has coffee at your house, even though you don't drink coffee, having a positive attitude about life... It's the last list that is leaving me optimistic. Those are the traits he is currently showing. It's been almost a month since I stole that kiss, and he hasn't given me reason to run.

I haven't named him yet. I'm tempted to call him Metal Head, because half of his skull is made up of metal plates and screws (bad car accident when he was a kid). I'm also tempted to call him Captain, because he fancies himself a pirate. But those seem just too predictable. I'm still pondering something good for this man who is quickly making off with my heart.

 For now, I will leave you with a picture of his son, Ra. The lovable asshole who barks too much and shits in the hallway. Because my man is a sucker for this face.

May 11, 2015