Saturday, January 30, 2010

One For The Record Books

The news has been predicting snow all week. Starting early in the week with "We may get snow this weekend". Each day the predictions grew bigger and bigger. Until yesterday, when they were warning us all of 6-12 inches. Now to most of you, this doesn't seem like such a big deal. It doesn't even seem like a big deal to me. As I am used to 2 FEET of snow, having lived in Detroit and all. But here in S.E. Virginia, it's another story.

Sexy Papa, and my neighbor both reported, yesterday evening, that the grocery stores were a nightmare. Everyone has decided that the end of the world is coming, and we must all hoard food, or beer, whichever.

I woke up a little after 5am to hear the "Special New Coverage" of this snow event. They have called in all their reporters, and the top meteorologist to report on the white stuff. The reporters on the street are making snowballs, and promise to keep working on them throughout the morning.

Every time we even get a dusting, I have to laugh. People here are fascinated by it. It can be scary, because most people here don't know how to drive in it. But some of them will give it the old college try, usually failing horribly.

I personally hate the stuff. Why do you think I moved away from MI? I hate snow. But I especially hate it when it snows HERE! Because everything will be closed all weekend. I will be trapped in the house, there will be no escape. And I won't get to work. Most people wouldn't mind an extra day off work. But I personally don't think snow is worth staying home for. At least in MI, snow didn't affect my pay check.

On the other hand, Sexy Papa and the girls will be in heaven. We haven't had snow like this in at least 6 years. Itty Bit has never seen snow like this, and DQ can't wait to "Wake up to see if it snows". I have a prediction of my own: They will play in it for all of 10 minutes, and then come in because they are cold. Strip all their clothing off to get dry, and demand hot chocolate. They will repeat this every 2 hours for the entire weekend. Which means, I will be doing lots of laundry. Oh YAY!

Hey, guess what? I got a call this morning, asking if I could work today? Joann's home office is in Ohio, so they said "It's just a couple of inches" Well since I am from MI and I live around the corner, I worked open to close. 10am to 1pm. I know, long shift right? They decided to close down early. AND... if they decide to open tomorrow, I will work open to close then too. So bonus, I may get extra hours, instead of loosing them all!

Friday, January 29, 2010

On to the Next One

Dear Sexy Papa,

You are spending way to much money. I know you are miserable, and spending this money makes you feel better. I get that, I really do. But when I tell you I have to go to the grocery store for cereal, then you ask why the kids can't eat oatmeal, because we don't have any cash.... that's a problem.

Your anger and refusal to answer when I asked "how much you spent this week" tells me that it was A LOT! If you spent so much money, that even you think it's too much to tell me about, than I am certain I would flip out if I knew. That you would say to me "I didn't realize I needed keep receipts and account for every penny" speaks volumes.

Husband of mine, I love you. But if you don't get it under control, I may be forced to smack you with a frying pan.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Open Letters

Dear Kirsten,

I don't think I have ever hated someone so much in all my life. But then I have never met anyone as awful as you. I still can't wrap my head around, how someone can be so cruel. You are a disgrace to the title "Mother".

Did you really think we were going to let you sit on our couch and be high? I swear my husband told you that I was going to be a police officer, until I destroyed my knee. You might have guessed that I was a law abiding citizen based on that alone.

We have figured out why your so desperate to hold on to your son. No one will give you a place to live, if you aren't dragging a child behind you. I guess your not as dumb as you look.

We know all your secrets. You are a junkie. And that you would sleep with someone to get their drugs, makes you a junkie whore. And by the way, I told The Asshole, over the phone, all about your night out while you were here.

The only reason you still have those 2 teeth left in your mouth is because I have babies to consider. Their mommy doesn't need to go to jail. If it wasn't for them I would have gladly done an overnight in the cell, just to beat you into the ground. Your Mom said she would post my bail.

When was the last time you hugged your son and told him that you love him? I did it everyday while he was here. And guess what? He knows that he is loved here. He didn't want to go with you. He told his uncle that he didn't want to leave.

I know about all the illegal things you guys have done. I know you have been getting tax refunds for the last 2 years, even though neither one of you has worked. I know the name of the lady who did them for you, and I am turning everyone in! There is already a case opened regarding the Social Security medical benefit cards you stole. Those 2 things alone are felony offenses on a federal level.

You, my dear, had better watch your back. Because I am coming for ya. And if I have my way, you and your Asshole will be in jail, and I will be taking that boy from you.

OK, well I must run. Time to call Assholes Doctors to let them know he is selling all the narcotics they are prescribing to him.


Dear Little Brian,

You are loved. You should never forget that there are people in this world who love you. I am sorry you have to go through this at such a young age.

Please remember that none of this is your fault.

We miss you, the girls miss you. We were all very sad when you left. I have not stopped crying for you. Your uncle is heartbroken.

We didn't want your Mom to take you. We begged her to let you stay. But there was nothing we could do to stop her.

Please understand that we are doing everything we can to get you back. We will never give up on you. It may take a little while, but one day soon, we will come for you. We will bring you home. Back to your friends, back to your family, back to your school. One day soon, you will be free. Free to make mud pies and blow up army men. Free from worrying about your mom, and trying to keep her awake. One day soon you will get to be a little boy.

My dear sweet boy, my bright red headed angel. I will pray for you, everyday, until I have you in my arms again. Don't forget that we love you. Please hold on. Aunt Missy is coming for you.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Sad News

Kirsten has decided to go back to philadelphia. We wouldn't let her be high in our home. We kept taking her drugs away. Asshole just got his new supply of narcotics. So she took Brian and went back. We begged her to leave Brian, but she would not.
I did call
child protective services and open a case. They said they will work with philly to figure out what is best for Brian.
Asshole's mother and brother both called today. They are trying to have Kirsten and The Asshole arrested. They wanted to know if we could take
physical custody of Brian and then file for permanent custody of him when he gets back. Hubby and I said we will do whatever we can to get him from his parents. We said we will drop everything and drive up to get him, whenever they are ready.
Hubby is going to file assault charges on Kirsten and then get a protective order. Then we are going to see if we can start the custody case now, since Brian is still enrolled in a VA school. We don't know what's going to happen, the best we can do is try.
We are hopeful that we can get him back. I just wanted to let everyone know.


Thanks to everyone for their well wishes and prayers for my family. I can feel the support from my blog readers, and it is greatly appreciated.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Blogs Are Good For Something

As it turns out, all the bitching and moaning I have been doing here, on the blog, is going to be very helpful to me when it comes time to get custody of the boy. Now, without much effort, I have a record of events that have happened so I can show the judge.

So you'll have to excuse me while I document what happened over the weekend...

Thursday my hubby didn't have to work. So he put the bunk bed together for them. While in the middle of that Kirsten stuck her hand in his face, to show him a set of rings, "Look what I got!" He went off again.
A little back story about the rings: These rings have been in hubby's family for a long time. Hubby still wears the mans ring. They were the set we got married with. While Hubby and I were separated, I didn't know if we would be getting back together. Since they belonged to his family, I gave them back to MIL, out of respect. I asked that she hold them, until our situation was resolved. Hubby and I had a falling out with MIL, a couple of years ago, and until all this crap happened hadn't done much to resolve it. Which is why she still had the rings. Kirsten asked me about the rings one day. I told her what had happened, and that I was bummed not to have them. That her mother still had them, and I had not gotten around to getting them back. She also talked to Hubby about the rings. He expressed the same dismay at not having them. MIL gave her a couple of rings the day she got out of rehab, including my wedding rings.

She was trying to push his buttons and it worked. He flipped. She was saying "Mom said they were mine and gave them to me." I got him calmed down again, and told him "Your mom probably has a different story. Lets call her." So I did. And MIL said "She told me that you said I had them and she would have to get them from me. I thought you wanted her to have them." I explained to MIL what had actually happened. Then MIL was mad, because she had been conned.
MIL came over and had her say. Told her exactly what was on her mind. And it wasn't good. Kirsten made a big stink about the rings. MIL said "I gave those to my son, to give to HIS wife, and you lied to me to get them." Kirsten looked right at me and said "I'm sorry, if I had been around at the time, you would have been in the hospital." I said "Seriously, what the hell is wrong with you? Your gonna beat the hell out of someone who has nothing to do with it?" I took it as a direct threat. That was her way of saying she could beat the hell out of me, and didn't need much of a reason to do it.
MIL pulled me aside and said something about holding her down to get the rings off her hand. I said I wasn't going to jail for assault. And we could wait until she went to jail and they took them from her.
Nothing was resolved that afternoon. But at least MIL got to say her piece. She asked ahead of time that hubby stay out of it, and he was very good. He stayed in the bedroom until the end.

Later that night, Kirsten was sitting and talking to Itty Bit. She said to her "Man, I wish I could have had a kid as good as you." Her son was sitting right there, and the look on his face... he was crushed.

Friday was a pretty calm day. I had made arrangements with my MIL for ALL the kids to go spend the night with her. They could all use a break from this drama. I told Kirsten about it and that I was going to take them, when Hubby got home.

Around noon, I felt a migraine coming on, so I told her "I have a headache, so I am going to go lay down for a little bit." No sooner did I drift off to sleep, than she knocked on my door. "I'm gonna walk to the corner store, can you do me a favor?" I said, while blocking my eyes from the light, "What?" "If Jason calls, can you tell him I will meet him here?" So I asked "When... are you going to meet him here? He's coming tonight to take you to an NA meeting, right?" "No," she says, "In just a little bit. He's coming over to hang out with me." To which I replied with a groan, and slammed to door in her face.

Then I called hubby... "I thought you told her she wasn't allowed to have any guests over to our house?" "I did." He and I were on the same page. No way in hell was she bringing some dude she met at rehab to my house. Not when my kids were going to be home in about an hour. Not when my husband wasn't here. Hell no! He was still ranting on the phone when she got back, so I gave the phone to her. By the time I got the phone back, she was convinced this would not be a good idea.

A few minutes later I heard her on the phone with her mom... "Yeah, I got his bag packed. No, as soon as he gets here, Brian and I are leaving. She can send whoever she wants after me, I don't give a fuck." After she got off the phone, I called MIL to see what was going on. She said apparently, Kirsten and Brian would be coming to her house, as soon as Brian got home, and that this new boyfriend of hers would be driving them. I said "You know what? Whatever! As long as they are coming to your house... I'll bring the girls when Hubby gets home."

Around dinner time, the guy called "Is Kristen there?" "You mean Kirsten?" I said. "Hold on" I went and banged on her door... "Some dude is on the phone asking for Kristen." "Oh, that's me" she said.
I am thinking, you want to put your son in a truck with some junkie, who doesn't even know your name? Jesus Christ. No danger of you being awarded mother of the year.
She came out into the living room, still talking on the phone. "No, you need to get your ass out here. Well why the hell did you take that when you knew what we were doing? I don't care... Well just drive out here, and I will drive when you get here.... Try my ass, you better."

She asked me for a key. I asked why? She said because she didn't know what time she would be coming home. I said she could call when she got here, I would let her in, but I was not giving her a key.

He did finally show up. And to his credit, he honked for them to come out. Because I was just waiting for him to come to the door. I was going to be polite, because it's not his fault, but he was NOT coming in my house. They left. I tried to get a look at the truck so I could call the cops, but I couldn't see well enough.

Shortly after they left, hubby got home, and I left with the girls. I arrived first at Grandma's house. We were all settled in when they got there. The boyfriend came in with her. Now I am not one to judge a person by the way they look. Really, who am I to speak, when I am covered in tattoos myself, but this guy looked scary. Holes in his ears big enough to put my pinky through. Tattoos on his neck. I can only imagine what Brian is thinking about this guy who is taking his dad's place.

I was supposed to drop the girls off and meet hubby at the house so we could go on a date. No kids=date night. But Kirsten and Jason stayed at MIL's house. So I did too. There was no way I was leaving my kids there with her and this guy. The NA meeting they were supposedly going to was at 8pm. They finally left around 9:30? So much for the meeting.

Hubby and I slept in Sat. morning. It was nice. The phone did not ring in the middle of the night. No one banged on the door. I got up and started cleaning house to get ready for our "After Christmas" party we were hosting that night. A little before 10 am, she came hopping through the door. And when I say hopping, I don't mean like in a giddy good mood. I mean her body was literally jumping up and down.
I don't know what she was on, but she was high on something. Then she started telling me this story about how she spent the night in his truck in front of her mom's house. Dude was passed out and she couldn't get him to wake up. And she didn't know how to get back here, so she just stayed there. And that she finally gave up in the morning, and drove to the gas station to get coffee, and ask for directions back to the house. So I said, "Well you were in front of your mom's house, why didn't you ask her?" She said "Oh, he had to pee last night, so we drove to a place so he could go, cuz I didn't want to knock on mom's door again. Then we couldn't find our way back, so we slept behind some storage place." Hubby came out in the middle of this story. "I drove home, cuz that mother fucker is still passed out in his truck." "Where in his truck?" I asked "In the court" she answered. Oh that was it, Hubby started yelling again. About her being high again, about her boyfriend being passed out in front of the house, about her being out all night, and not being able to tell the truth about anything.

I went out to check on the guy. When I walked back in the house she said "Is it OK, the way the truck is parked out there?" I said "No, it's not OK. Your junkie boyfriend is passed out in his truck, in front of my house, in front of my neighbors. So no, it's not OK!" She didn't say anything.

Hubby and I had to errands to run. As we left, we wrote down the info about this guys truck.
When we got back, the truck was gone, and she was in her room. I assumed she was sleeping off the night before, so I cranked up the radio, and put the sub woofer right on her bedroom wall. Then I went to get the kids.

When I got home, hubby was jammin out to the radio, having a good ole' time cooking. He loves to cook. She had still not come out of her room. My family started arriving around 5. We had a good time. Brian was out with us, and he behaved like an angel. I warned her ahead of time, I was not putting up with her crap today. She never showed her face. Everything was wonderful. I was happy for the first time in months.

Sunday morning, I went to work. When I got home, hubby had been fighting with her again. He explained, what had happened. He was talking to her, and noticed that she was not wearing the rings. When he asked her, she said she hid them at Mom's house, and she wasn't going to tell anyone where they were. He asked her for the pawn ticket. Then he got on the phone with his mom to tell her what Kirsten said about the rings.
Mom was in agreement, that they had probably been pawned, and was ready to go look for them.
It occurred to me that Kirsten couldn't pawn anything, because she doesn't have an ID. So if they were pawned the boyfriend would have done it for her, and we don't know what his last name is. Needless to say, her Mom is furious. I am thinking about turning her room upside down to look for the ticket. I have already tried to call "Jason", but I can't get a hold of him.

While I was talking to MIL, she brought up having Kirsten committed. I said, "You know what? That makes sense. Cuz that girl is a whack job. To do the things she does, you would have to be insane." Then I mentioned that I have a detailed account of events typed out. Turns out that this blog is going to be a great tool in getting custody of Brian.

She spent the weekend screaming at her kid. Threatening to beat him. Hubby kept stepping in and saying "Do you really think that is the way you need to be talking to your son?" She apologized to hubby, but not to her son.

It's Monday morning now, and Itty Bit is sick again. Of course. She had a high fever last night, so she isn't in school today. I don't know whats going on with her. Seems she is popping up with something every week. Maybe she should have spent some time in daycare as a baby?

OK, well as you can imagine, I have another full day of stuff to do. I'll keep ya posted!

Thursday, January 21, 2010

The Day It All Ends

We have decided... That she is not welcome. Problem is, The Boy deserves someone to fight for him. Someone to do whats in his best interest.

Riddle me this: You have been away from your child for 6 full days. What is the first thing you do when you get out? Decide he can wait a couple more hours, even after you told him what time you would be home? Go shopping with your Mom? Well, I guess that makes sense if your a selfish drug addict.

At this point I am writing about it to make myself feel better, to get it off my chest. I don't need anyone to tell me to get rid of her. We are doing just that. Maybe it's just a record of events. Whatever the case, I just have to get it out.

She got here, 5 hours after she was released. And the only thing she had to say about her stay there:
"Has anyone called for me?" and I said "no" Then she says, "Oh, cuz I met someone in there. I really like him." Seriously, what the fuck?

Before I begin, let me preface this by saying: I talked to the nurse on her unit. Patients are encouraged to do Family Therapy. When I inquired about it, they said she refused. I asked why? The nurse said she didn't know, but Kirsten told her she would call me to talk about it. To which I said "I can guess why. She has no intentions of getting off drugs. Then the nurse said "That would be a very good guess." Now I know they can't tell me about what is going on with Kirsten. She is an adult. But the way I heard what the nurse said, and her tone, I understood that they feel like Kirsten is not ready to recover.
Then I talked to her case worker. He indicated that they are ready to call it a lose. They paid for her stay in rehab. But she wanted narcotic drugs and they would
not pay for those. We were both in agreement, that Kirsten has no intention of stopping, and that she went to the hospital to shut us up. We were also both in agreement, that she wanted her own legal script for narcotics. And she is pissed because she didn't get them.

She wasn't here 2 hours, before it became clear to us, she has no intentions of following our house rules, or making her son follow our house rules.
We had just finished dinner. My husband was trying to put together a bed that my mother in law bought for them. She gave Brian a package of cookies. My husband said to him, he had just finished dinner, and that he didn't need a treat right now. (Besides the breaking the rules about treats, there was not enough for all the kids. My girls would have been upset, that AGAIN, he gets to do stuff they don't get to do.) He went into the bedroom and cried to his mom.
She flipped the fuck out, and started yelling:
"Your uncle can't tell you what to do! I don't give a fuck what they say. Your my fucking son. I can give you a treat if I want to."
That, was hubby's last straw. He marched in there, and said "Fine then, you can get out of my house." The arguing carried out into the living room. Where it escalated into screaming. When she got up in his face, he pushed her down to sit on the couch. She wigged, got up and tried to scratch out his eyes. And that is when the last of his restraint went out the door. He never hit her, but that is because I managed to get between them. I pulled him back. Her mother sat on her. It took every bit of strength I had to keep him from getting at her. His face was bleeding, and he was enraged.
And she... kept trying to bait him. Screaming at him, hit me bitch, your goin' to fucking jail. I'm calling the cops, your ass is going to jail. MIL and I managed to get them calmed down. But she is refusing to leave. "All my clothes are here. I ain't going no where."
Now I am a pretty calm these days. I see no point in yelling, when you can I the same thing without raising my voice. I said that it was painfully clear that she has no intention of respecting our home and following our rules.
Something was said about My telling my husband what the rehab nurse said. She pointed across the room at me and said "Then she is a fuckin' liar."
Then the conversation got heated again. My husband said somethings she didn't like, and she started going off again: "Oh I'm gonna hit the mother fucker." Which of course pushed hubby further over the edge: "You hit me and I am gonna knock the last 2 teeth out of the front of your mouth." And that is what she really wanted. She was screaming at him "Hit me I fuckin dare ya. Come on hit me." She was trying to push him over the edge so she could have him taken to jail. So what did he do? Picked her ass up and tossed her out the front door.

Once she was out, Brian got his coat and shoes on. Grabbed the blanket I made for him, and went outside with her. Then Me and Hubby and my mother in law had a chance to calm down and talk. MIL and I are in agreement... We can at least save the child.... And at that moment, Kirsten was taking the child with her, out in the cold rain. Since Kirsten can not go to MIL's house, because of all the prescription drugs there, we let her go back to her room. She kept trying to pick at my husband, and get him to react. He tried his best to get her to back off and go away. Saying we are all in a calm place right now... we can talk about it tomorrow.

At this moment, we are trying to figure out the best way to get custody of the child. I am waiting for my Mother in law to come over. She says she has some things to say to Kirsten.

Hopefully today, we will have a better idea of what we need to do.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

RTT: Chaos

I have so much going on right now, and so many decisions to make, it only seems fitting that it's Tuesday. I know, I know, I haven't been around for RTT as of late, but I got good reasons, M'k---

For more random insanity, head over to see The Un Mom. She has the hook-up on all the looney tunes.

OK... To start, lets just tackle the big one:
Should I give SIL a chance, or should I have her arrested? Why would I have my SIL arrested? Go HERE for the long version. Or you could just take my word that she is psycho.

So here's the thing. I don't want her in my house. Especially since I found out that she cut up her last roommate with a kitchen knife. As far as I can tell I have 2 options:
After she gets out of rehab, let her come back here for one more chance. Which will probably end in someone getting hurt, and the other someone going to jail.
Or have her picked up at the rehab and avoid the whole damn thing. Making the custody situation a whole lot easier.

My Christmas tree is still up. Yeah I know, that in itself is, insane. I been busy OK? I have high hopes of getting it taken down today.

I still have tons of laundry. Problem is I am out of laundry soap now. Shit!

Itty Bit is home today. She is feeling better, but I wanted to give her a day to get back to 100%. On second thought, maybe I won't get that tree down today.

My house is a wreck again. I don't know how this keeps happening. I am not a "Sit at home on your ass, watching soaps and eating Bon Bons, type of person. I clean... everyday... seemingly, without results. It just never ends. I couldn't imagine what this place would look like if I wasn't home all day.

Asshole (SIL's Boyfriend) hasn't called in 3 days. Which tells me she called him from rehab. Hubby and I are pretty sure they are plotting something. No way to tell what it might be!

I think I need a Girl's Night Out. I think I need to get so drunk that I can't function the next day. All it would take is 3 glasses of wine. Who's with me?

We are hosting the "After Christmas, Christmas Party" on Saturday. My family was scattered throughout the country at the holidays. I still have presents for everyone. But I said they would have to come to the party to get them. Further proof that I am insane.

And lastly, SIL has an open warrant. Depending on the severity of the charge, I may be knowingly harboring a fugitive.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Good Monday Morning

Today should prove to be another long day... but in a good way. If your insane and like to torture yourself. The kiddos have no school, so they will be here all day. All 5 of them. It's more the kind of chaos I am used to. I did it all winter break, so today should be no sweat...

... unless it is. Itty Bit woke me before 5 this morning with my all-time favorite childhood words: " I puked all over my bed." Add all those things to the pile of laundry that needs to get done today... On second thought, put those right in the washer!

Have a good Monday everyone!

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Dirty Oras

I think I may need to go have my Ora cleansed. I have been surrounded by so many negative things as of late it is making me depressed.

I had one of my world famous stomach aches last night. Which sucks because I really needed to be up and alert today. I have a baby shower to go to this afternoon. And with things they way they have been, I haven't been able to finish the quilt I am making for her. Of course, I didn't have anything to help with the stomach ache. I tried to sleep sitting up on the couch for a while, but it's didn't work. It hurt so bad I almost couldn't breath. So I finally gave in and drove to the Drug store at 4 am.

Now I have to get my ass in gear and try to finish this gift. I am excited to go though. Because she had the baby early, and that means I get to play with a brand new baby today!

Saturday, January 16, 2010

I Don't Understand

Yesterday, as previously mentioned, was no fun for me. I spent more than 5 solid hours, cleaning out their room. I might not have bothered, but Brian needs a clean safe place to sleep.

I wished I had toxic waste sized rubber gloves. But seeing as I don't have any of those, I washed my hands a whole lot yesterday. First thing first, I pulled out our air mattress. To see if I could find the hole, and maybe hubby could patch it. Keeping in mind that it's practically new, I didn't want to just trash it.

Now, on the ride to rehab, Kirsten's mother asked her if she would like an air mattress for their room. Kirsten said yes. Mom said she would go buy her one. There was a pause, and then I said "we gave them an almost new air mattress when they got here. But it's deflated now." To which Kirsten says "Yeah, Asshole said it got a hole in it when it caught a nail on the wall, and we just couldn't find it, so I gave up."

So imagine my surprise when I pulled the thing out from all the crap on the floor to find a huge white "patch" job. Because, you know, they couldn't find the leak. So since that patch job obviously hadn't done the trick I started trying to pull it off. They had used an entire, brand new, tube of industrial strength glue, along with medical bandages, packing tape, one of my dish gloves (I was wondering where that went) and a whole roll of medical tape. The borrowed the glue from my husband a couple of weeks ago. But when he asked what they needed it for, they wouldn't say. If they had, he could have told them, that wasn't what they needed. It's the kind of glue that eats through soft plastic and other assorted things.
What did I find, after picking and peeling all that crap off of there... A nice big cigarette burn... straight through the top. So yeah, I bet the damn thing leaks. But these people have been so used to blaming things on everyone else, it doesn't even occur to them to tell the truth. Because of the patch job they did, the mattress is no longer fixable at all.

I did go through EVERYTHING that was in the room. Trash, dirty clothes mixed with clean. (I am now in the process of washing everything) Empty beer bottles. Cigarette burns in everything. I was trying to clean it up for Brian, and look for anything illegal.
While going through a large bag which contained her make up, a roach came out to say HI to me. I squealed, picked the bag up with 2 fingers, ran it through the house, and threw it out the front door. Oh HELL NO! My husband wants to know what I am going to say to her about the make up bag being outside. My first thought is 'If there was a roach in my bag I wouldn't want any of that shit.' So I said "I'll tell ya what, when she pays me back the hundred or so dollars for the air mattress they ruined, I will replace her make-up."

Yesterday was another day of shocking discoveries. Lets run through the list of fun stuff

The order of protection on Kirsten from her last roommate with an affidavit:

Kirsten was stealing from my house and I caught her. She came up behind me and hit me in the back of my head. Her foot tangled up with my foot and we both tumbled to the ground. I tried to get up and she had me by my hair. She had a knife in her hand and was trying to cut my face. I have cuts on my hands and arms trying to block her. She cut me a few times on my face and neck. I tried to hold her down. Her kids father started kicking me. Her 7 year old son was kicking me and swinging a metal pipe at me. My 6 year old son knocked it out of his hands. The police came but could not make her leave. My landlord tried to get her out by calling the police and she swung a bat at me and my son.

Well that sounds like a party.

I found out that Kirsten does have an open warrant. For what I am not sure. But she knows about it.
I found out that Asshole has, not 1 but 2 aliases that he uses. I found a copy of hospital ER papers with his first name and date of birth, but someone elses last name.
I found prescription receipts from 2 different doctors, one in Philly and the other in Jersey. I decided that Asshole is drug shopping, and that's how they have so many pills. Getting them from 2 different Doctors in 2 different states.
I found other peoples social security numbers.
3 other peoples social security medical benefit cards.
I found teenie tiny zipper bags... the kind drug dealers would use to package crack or heroin. Lots of them.

But what really pissed me off... after all that crap....
More drugs. I kind of suspected that the time she spent "detoxing" on my couch wasn't as miserable as she was claiming. I had a feeling that she was still high on something... After my, more thorough, search turned up drugs in her sons duffel bag, I became irate. She laid on that fucking couch for 4 days, treating me like shit, yelling about being miserable and being a basic pain in the ass. And I... let her get away with it, because I felt bad for her. When I really wanted to choke her. She all but blamed me for the way she felt. Trying to make me feel like shit. When in fact, we had not taken all of her drugs, and she knew it. I can't prove it, but I would bet a good amount of money that she was high the whole fucking time!!!

My husband does not want to deal with her anymore. I don't know what we are going to do now. He is over it. He wants her out. He doesn't want her to come back.

As for me... I don't understand. What is it that made you turn into such a piece of shit? What happened to you in your life that was so bad you had to become a drug addict? You think your special...? Oh boo hoo, you had a rough life. You think I didn't get the shit beat out of me on a daily basis until my biological mother became bored with me and gave me up to the state? I spent 6 years as a ward of the state, bouncing around to Psych wards and group homes and detention centers until I landed in foster care. You think I haven't had a crappy life? Don't you dare think that I didn't have a good idea about sex at a very young age, because I did. I was sexually abused as a small child, and sexually assaulted as a teenager. Don't you dare think that I haven't spent my fair share of time on the streets, because I have. And I have seen some shit in my life. You don't see me getting high to "deal" with my problems! I choose not to let those things, that I had no control over, that Other People did to me, rule me or dictate how I live my life. I realized early on that using those bad things as an excuse to pity myself, meant the abusers still had control over me. As far as I can tell, being the way you are is a choice. You choose to live like this. And the why... I just don't understand.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Dawn of a New Day

Relief, sweet relief. I think I actually slept last night... with both eyes closed.... for the first time in weeks.

We finally got the call yesterday. Of course it came an hour before the kiddos got off the bus. So I called MIL to take us down there, and my Mom to come sit with the kids. And off we went... to rehab.

That was an interesting day...
The day I found out that my sister in law does heroin when she can't get a hold of her drug of choice. That was one hell of a revelation. I also found out that Asshole had no problems knocking her around. I told her "Don't let your brother find out about that." We suspected, but had no confirmation of abuse.
We were down there with her for a couple of hours. When they finally took her up to the unit, and MIL and I walked out the front doors... I broke into tears. Not because I was sad for her. I did feel bad that she had to detox at home... but I have accepted that she did this to herself. No... I broke down because I could finally breathe. I have been holding my breath, waiting, walking around on egg shells...

Brian was good for me. But then I suspect that's because he knows, he has no choice. With few exceptions, he did what I asked him to do. His mother expressed to me that "He is going to flip out." But he was angelic, by his standards.
After I got the girls settled in, I explained to him that his mom was sick, and that the Doctors were helping to make her better. He seemed a little concerned when he realized she was going to be gone for at least a couple of days. But I explained that when she is feeling better, she will be able to be a better mommy to him. And that until then, he has me and his uncle. We will keep him safe, and provide all the things he needs. I told him if he has any questions, or just wants to talk to someone, I am always available. He was asleep, snoring to beat the band by 8:45.

He slept through the night, on our couch. We left our bedroom door open so we could keep an ear on him. I had no problems getting everyone up and out the door. There were no fights about what he was going to wear, or whether or not he was going to wear his play shoes to school. Absolute cooperation. It was beautiful.

I have another long day ahead of me. I have to call child protective services, to see about getting temporary custody, until his mom comes home. At this point if Asshole wants him, I have no choice but to turn him over.
I also need to, at least start, cleaning up their bedroom. Asshole threw shit everywhere, looking for his stuff, when we kicked him out. And Kirsten has been to high or depressed to clean any of it up. Plus I need to get the deflated air mattress out of there and try to patch the burn holes. It's not going to be a fun day.

So I am off. I hope everyone has a good day. I am thinking that I will.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

I am surrounded by drug addicts

If you have been reading along with the story, The Joys of Life, you know that my world has been turned upside down. We have been waiting for a detox bed for my SIL. And we are still waiting.

The intake person, who I have been in constant contact with, is baffled by the delay. He says, in the 8 years that he has been doing this job, he has never had this problem before. After 3 days of waiting, he scrambled to find her some other resource of help. He called late yesterday afternoon to inform me that ALL the beds in the entire region are full. There is no space for her anywhere. So apparently, my area is saturated with drug addicts. Maybe they all made the same New Years resolution... to get clean?

Whatever the case maybe, it's not going well. She asked me yesterday if she could have some of her methadone. She was not happy when I told her it had been destroyed. A short while later, she asked if my husband had anymore Vicodin, I checked he doesn't. They had already stolen most of them. Then she asked if my friend, who didn't finish her prescription, had any. I have nothing for her.

Brian spent the day antagonizing the girls. This little shit had the nerve to lean over and whisper in DQ's ear "I got candy last night and you didn't" He is mean and spiteful. He says things to piss them off. He will stand in the hall way, where his mother can't see him, with one of their toys and make faces at them.
I have been trying to be patient with him. I know he has had a rough time of it. But something occurred to me yesterday: He is capable of behaving. When neither of his parents are around and he has to answer to me, he can behave. He does, for the most part, behave when it's only me.

Something else occurred to me last night: She has no intention of making him follow our house rules. Last night, the kids were getting ready for bed. He showered and brushed his teeth, then went into the girls room and started playing with their toys. DQ tried to tell him, that it was bed time and he needed to get out of their room. When he wouldn't move, she came and got me to make him leave. I told him and he started collecting his toys to leave. When I went back into the living room, he was sitting on the floor, in front of his mother, playing with all the same toys he was using in the room. Their Toys!!! So I told him it was bedtime and he needed to put the girls' toys back in their room. He looked at his mom, and I looked at him... he said "my mom said I could play until bedtime." I could tell she wasn't happy about it, but she told him to take the toys back. He took most of them back. When I came out again, he had 1 more toy, that very obviously, was not his. We argued over it for only a second, and then I just walked up and took it.
After dropping the toy off, I walked back into my room and slammed the door. And I kept slamming doors until she finally got up and took him to bed.
But not before asking me if I had anymore of those sleeping pills. Whatever! All I said was "Nope."

I am tired. I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I am running my house hold, and trying to manage her family as well. Spending all day on the phone for her. From the moment I wake up every morning, I spend every ounce of energy trying to keep everyone happy and calm. And for what? Everyone is miserable.

She doesn't want to get clean. She is only doing it because she has no choice. She said it to the person in the hospital when they asked why she felt like now was the time to get clean.

All three girls are at the end of their rope. They no longer see any benefit in being nice to Brian. So they have become nasty and snide. They don't want to play with him, and they don't care who hears them protest. My sweet, angelic, well behaved little girls, will never be the same. They have both changed for the worst. They are angry and resentful. Because when Brian does something like, sit on Itty Bit's legs, because she is laying on the couch... Kirsten tells HER she should be sitting up. Does she say anything to Brian? NO. Of course she doesn't do that shit in front of me. I have to hear all of this second hand. If she thought she was in the right, why doesn't she correct my kids in front of me?

And my husband... has been hiding in our bedroom. He is angry about the way things are going. He is acting frustrated. But is he doing any of the work to maintain this household? No. He doesn't have to deal with his sisters shitty attitude. She spends all day acting like I did this to her. No God damn it. I didn't get your ass hooked on drugs.

She asked me yesterday if Asshole has called at all? I said, yes he has, and left it at that. She said she needs to talk to him. I ignored her. Sorry... it's my phone, my house, I pay the bills and we don't accept phone calls from drug dealers. He knows where she is, and that she needs money. He had said he would send her some. But shocker, shocker, nothing has arrived yet.

Alright, Itty Bit has a DR. appointment today. So I have to get her ready for that. Everyone cross your fingers that a bed opens up for Kirsten today.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

The Joys of Life: Part 7

Currently, the story has pretty much caught up to real time.
Previously on The Joys of Life:
Kirsten agrees to go to rehab...

Let me start by saying... I talked to a nurse friend of mine, and asked her about the drugs Kirsten said she was taking. She advised that I should not take them from her without a DR. supervising. It could send her into cardiac arrest. Otherwise, we would have just taken everything...

Want to know if your a serious drug addict:
If you have a large 2nd degree burn under your chin, and you have no idea how you got it...

I searched, for a couple of hours. Looking for a rehab program where she could detox safely. I would love to have the money to pay for a posh rehab... but alas, I don't. Finding a community service rehab was a bit of a challenge, but I did.

We were there bright and early Thursday morning. We saw an intake person. Thank God I went back with her. She was not ready to fess up to all the drugs she is taking. While she told my husband and I she was taking Xanax and Methadone, she told a different story to the intake person. She said she was taking Oxycontin. And that was it. So I asked (even though I already knew) if Oxycontin was the same thing as Xanax. Then she had to fess up about that. And they talked for a bit, and the lady asked if there was anything else... she said no... I said, "what about the methadone?" Then she had to fess up to that.

When they got the whole story, or most of it, about what she was on, and how much she was taking, they wanted to admit her, to a hospital, right then. She refused. They said there was an outpatient program that offered SUBOXONE, which is a drug to help you get off methadone, which, by the way, is the drug to help you get off heroin. It's looney, I know. Anyway, there is a program for that, but there is a waiting list. As much as 6 weeks.

She refused to go into the hospital. She wanted to wait for the outpatient. Which really means, she is not ready to quit yet. And that would give her 6 more weeks of being high. I DON'T THINK SO! A supervisor came in to talk to me. She told me to turn the house upside down, take all the drugs, and when she started to go through withdrawl, take her to the ER. They set an appointment for the following Monday morning.

My husband and I decided to take her drugs on Friday evening. That way we would both be home, all weekend, to deal with her. So on Friday, I dragged her ass to Wal-mart, with another friend of mine... even though I didn't need anything in particular. And while we were gone, hubby tossed her room.

We got home, and got all the kids to bed... not a word. When I inspected the stash, I was shocked at all the shit that she had. It was a God Damned pharmacy.

Bentyl (anti-spasmatic?)
Baclofen (anti-spasmatic)
Clonidine (for hypertension)
Xanax (for anxiety) There were none left, the bottle was empty. *Highly Addictive*
Flexeril (muscle relaxer) *Highly Addictive*
Methadone-Opiate (serious pain killer) *Highly Addictive*
Phenobarbital- Barbiturate (sedative/hypnotic) *Addictive*
Zoloft (anti-depressant)

Just to name a few of my favorites...
Some of the pills we have yet to identify. God only knows what they hell they are, but I intend to find out.
There were also a couple of empty 40 bottles in here room. (Big beer for you older folks.) Most, if not all, of the drugs she had, have a severe to lethal reaction when combined with alcohol. I'm telling you, the girls is lucky she's not dead.

Saturday came and went, without a word. Surely she knows her pills are gone. But she hid in her room most of the day. To my knowledge, she did not eat anything.

Sunday morning rolled around, and the signs began to show.
There was a knock on my bedroom door. I opened it and she was standing there. Calm as could be, like it was a reasonable request, she said "Can I please have my pills back now?" I opened the door wide and told her to come in. All the kids were sitting within earshot and I didn't want them to hear her.

She repeated her request and began to cry. She was in pain, she just wanted to eat. She can't sleep, she is miserable. When my husband told her we would not give them back, she begged for just 2, to get her through until her appointment on Monday.

~~~Let me state for the record, we had not destroyed the drugs yet. I planned to give them to the intake person at her appointment.~~~

When he refused, she went into hysterics, and said "Fuck you then, I'll just kill myself." Hubby snapped... He started screaming like I have not heard him scream in years. He sounded terrified and angry. He said somethings that he should not have said, and somethings that NEEDED to be said. Like how selfish she was... she is a mother, and how could she possibly do that to her son.
She was so upset, I almost couldn't understand her.... I just need two pills, why are you making me suffer like this, I just want to die...
He grabbed her by her arms and pushed her up against the door. I, of course, was trying to pull him off of her. He was screaming in her face, "Look at yourself... the only thing you care about is getting high. You don't give a shit about your son..." Let me tell ya, When my husband starts screaming like that, anyone would be terrified. She should have been terrified, but all she kept saying was she needed a dose.
I did manage to pull him off her, and take over the situation. I offered to take her to the ER. She refused. I told her the intake people told me to take the drugs, and I am not giving them back.

Now my husband should not have done what he did. But if you take into consideration, his big sister, who he has looked up to for all his life, was standing there telling him she was going to kill herself... I might have done the same thing in his shoes. On a side note... the kids heard everything.
I did tell him later that I was upset with the way he handled things. Mostly because that isn't what she needed. Yes, those things needed to be said to her. But she doesn't need to be held against a wall and screamed at. He did later calm down and say he didn't mean to do that, but he was scared for her.

So lets make a long story shorter, and bring everyone up to date.
I put 1 of each pill into a baggie and told hubby to destroy the rest. With the help of her mother, I took her to the ER... I dropped the baggie on the desk at triage, and we waited in a hallway for 11 hours. At 2 AM, when they came back to say we would probably have to wait another whole day for a bed for her, I told them she had an appointment in 7 hours, and I would take her there instead.

We went home, where I did not get any sleep, got the kids off to school. Went to her appointment, where we waited some more. The detox ward was full, but they may have some discharges today. We were to go home, and wait for a call from them. I was to watch her to make sure she didn't hurt herself, or take anything. Still no sleep...
I called in the late afternoon, and there was still no bed. Maybe tomorrow. I made dinner, and updated all the people concerned. Finally at 8pm, my husband took over the house duties, and I went to bed.

YESTERDAY... I called and called... still no bed, we'll call you if something changes. I called again at 3:30, and there was still no bed. So I asked them what am I supposed to do for her. She is miserable. She doesn't have the strength to get up and shower. I told them a friend of mine has a prescription for Valium, and they would give me one, if that's OK, but I wanted to ask you first? Their answer... "It's up to you."

When I told her what was going on, and that I would give her something to help her sleep, she said at this point she doesn't need detox anymore. She should just go straight into the Suboxone program. She was feeling bitchy, and I know she is mad at me. I told her we could talk to the DR about it. She still needs treatment. She still wants the drug.
When hubby got home, he showed me the pills our friend had sent over. I was hopeful they would get her through the night. So after dinner, I gave her a dose. She said thank you and tucked it into her pocket. Do you think she mentioned that my husband had already given her some? NO! I didn't know he had. I didn't find out until he shook the empty bottle at me. I told him I gave it to her, and he said "So did I"
So I went out and told her I didn't know he had given her some already, and that those were for the next 2 days. I asked her please not to take the others, save them for tomorrow. Stupid me, trying to trust an addict... I should have insisted she give them back.

Asshole, has been calling and calling. We have been blocking and intercepting... For days now, since we took her drugs, our ringers have been off. I had hubby shut off that cute thing with digital cable that shows you who is calling. My answering machine has been turned way down. So what does he do... He called my neighbor last night. Boo Hoo I can't get a hold of my family. I just want to talk to my son. I am about to have my brother drive me down there to take him.... I will bring the police if I have to. They can't stop me from taking my son. Well she called me immediately to tell me about it.

I walked across the street to the neighbors house to tell her about what was going on. I had not wanted to involve her in this, but I needed some advice. And she is the best person I could think of, as she is a police officer. She was happy to help when I told her what was going on. She told me what to do if he showed up last night. Well he didn't... so now I am waiting to get Kirsten in the hospital, and I will be driving to the court to get temporary custody. I am just praying Asshole doesn't go to the school to pick Brian up, because he has every right to. Which sucks, but that's the way it is.

When we got up this morning, she was laying on the couch watching TV. I soon found out that she had taken them all, and still didn't sleep. WTF? If you can take 3 seriously strong sleeping pills, and still not sleep, that's a problem.

So there we are... I am sitting here watching the phone to see if it rings, and writing my blog.
Wish me luck...

The Joys of Life: Part 6

Previously on The Joys of Life:
Asshole got kicked out

After dropping Asshole off at the bus station, Hubby stopped by a friends house, because it was his birthday.

He hadn't been gone long, when I realized there would be no rest for the weary. Namely me. Something we very wrong with Kirsten. I couldn't tell what was going on, but I knew it wasn't good.

My kids were still at the neighbors house. Brian was here, watching cartoons. I made sure he got some breakfast. He said he was tired, so I bundled him up on the couch to take a nap.

Kirsten was moving real slow, slurring her words, so I knew I had to keep an eye on her. I came into the kitchen to find her with the fridge door open, bent over, holding a jar of mayo... ASLEEP! That's when I knew, she wasn't just stoned, she was fucked up. I woke her and asked her to go lay down. "Oh, I am so tired" She said. But she didn't go to bed. She wandered around the house, supposedly looking for her smokes.
I didn't want Brian to see her like that so I had him lay down in the girls room for a nap. When I came back to the kitchen, she was standing in front of my coffee pot... ASLEEP... with one hand on the counter... holding a full pot of water in the other hand. Like she was intending to make a pot... She had it hovering over the end of the counter, and I came around and scooped it up from her. "Go sit down" I said "I will make the coffee."

My husbands best friend called to see how we had made it through the night. I told him what was going on, and he said he would be right over. Then I called hubby to tell him he needed to come home too.

The girl couldn't stay awake for more than a few minutes at a time. I kept finding her asleep. No, asleep doesn't describe this... she was passed out. Slumped over on the couch. Standing up at my front door, trying to smoke a cigarette, asleep. I tried to ask her what she had taken, but all she would say was "I didn't get any sleep last night."
Who wants to see a picture of my SIL passed out... in the middle of the day?


She came out of her bedroom at one point, nearly in tears, asking me if I could buy her some smokes, because the Asshole apparently took all the money. Even the money that she has put aside to pay back her mom.

Hubby and his best friend arrived at about the same time. I had managed to convince her to go back to bed. I made a big breakfast, because everyone was starving, while his best friend went to pick up my girls. She didn't stay in bed long. She kept getting up, and stumbling around the house. I kept telling her to go back to bed.

I finally convinced my husband to go to sleep around 1pm. His friend agreed that he would stay and help me with Kirsten. We baby sat her most of the afternoon. She tried to eat something. I saved her some pancakes and sausage. But she couldn't stay awake long enough to actually eat them. Itty Bit was sitting next to her having a snack. She thought it was funny that her Aunt fell asleep in her pancakes. When she told Kirsten that she was falling asleep, she sat up and said, "No I'm not." 3 times the girl fell asleep in her plate. Seriously, face down in her plate. Our friend went and got her up, telling her to clean up her face, and go lay down. Finally she went into her room and went to sleep. And stayed there.

About an hour and a half later, we went to check on her. She was sitting, on the half deflated air bed, indian style. Bent straight over in half across her legs, with an unlit cigarette in one hand and a glue stick in the other. I can only assume she was trying to light up with a glue stick and got tired after it didn't work out so well. Our friend helped her up and to the front door to smoke, while I straightened out her bed and refilled it. We put her back to bed, and I left to get dinner, and some batteries for a smoke detector, which I later installed right outside her door.

Hubby got up when I brought dinner. We all ate. Kirsten tried to eat, again, but it didn't work out to well. We debated on calling an ambulance for her, but she seemed to be coming down a bit. We decided if she was the same way the next day we would.
Our friend left, and we got all the kids off to bed. Hubby was settling in for the night. I went out to make sure the house was closed up, and turn out lights. In the kitchen I found one of the stove burners on full blast. "Kirsten, did you turn on the stove?" "Oh shit" She said "I used it to light a cigarette. I guess I forgot to turn it off." Never in my life have I been so glad to have working smoke detectors.

I had to work all weekend, but Hubby, and usually his friend, were here to keep an eye on things. We all spent the weekend waiting for a call from Philly. We all wondered if he had actually gotten on the bus. Kirsten spent the weekend high, but not in a life threatening state. Just kind of stupid. I didn't know what kind of drugs she had. How much she had. I figured he would have taken most of them with him. He took all the money, why not the drugs? I assumed she would run out at some point. And then she would have no choice but to get sober and deal with life. I tried to cut her some slack, because we
had just turned her life upside down. Needless to say, it was a very long weekend.

Monday came and I let out a big sigh of relief when the kids all went back to school. Finally the house was quiet. This had turned out to be a very long Winter break. Having to hover over everyone, and trying to keep the peace. I'm sorry to say, but all I got done that day was a blog entry and a very long nap!
My husband did get a hold of Assholes brother, and found out that indeed he was in Philly.

When Tuesday rolled around, I took the opportunity to take a shower while the kids were at school. I didn't lock my door. I was not trying to offend her, by taking my keys to the bathroom. I was trying to show that I wanted to trust her. But you know me... I'm not stupid. I set up our webcam to record the room while I was out. And what I saw on the playback, sent me through the roof. NOW...who wants to see a video clip of my crack head SIL breaking into my room?

For the record, she was in my room for about 45 seconds. I can only assume to steal more vicodin. Needless to say, I am very disappointed. I debated about whether or not to tell hubby while he was still at work. Shit, I debated about weather or not to elbow her right in her teeth. I decided it best to tell him before he got home, so he would have time to cool off. Rather than him seriously ripping her head off.

He got home... he watched the video... and he had
The Talk. But so that I could learn what it sounds like when she lied, he asked her if she was in here. She has a very giving tell... she opened her mouth to speak. That's it. Just opening her mouth means that whatever is about to come out will be a lie! And when she said "No" he calmly walked over to the computer and clicked play. Oh boy was she furious. Probably at me... for having the nerve to video tape my room and try to catch her.
That was the day... The day she fessed up to exactly what she was taking... maybe. Methadone and Zanax. We already knew. Assholes brother told us about all his prescriptions. And that he gives her the Methadone.
That was the day when he told her she had to go to rehab or get out!

Next time on The Joys of Life:
Searching for Salvation

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

The Joys of Life: Part 5

This is a retelling of events that have already happened.

Previously on The Joys of Life:
Kirsten was confronted about stealing
& the Boy gets a reality check

My Husband was kind enough to go get him from the bus station at 11 pm that night. Even though he has to get up at 5am to go to work. They wanted me to do it, but hubby said "No way in hell is my wife driving around that part of town, that late at night!"

I got up the next morning, and went about my day. Brian opened more gifts, that his father brought back from Philly. The kids played. Asshole slept in. Because, you know, he didn't get in until just before midnight. He was tired, the poor dear. No one said a word about the conversation of the previous day.

Well at about 11 in the morning, Brian wanted to eat the cookies his father had brought back. His mother told him he couldn't have them right now, because we were getting ready to make lunch. She suggested that the kids could have some for snack. Well... this was NOT OK, as far as Brian was concerned. He threw a fit. It went on far longer than I would have tolerated. But eventually she told him to go to his room. He was in there for all of a minute, and he came back out.
"Mommy, I'm ready to come back out now."
"No" she said, "I will let you know when you can come back out."
I was proud of her. She stood her ground.
So he said "I'm telling Daddy to let me out then." In the same way a 5 year old would say to another 5 year old, 'I'm telling on you!" And why shouldn't he? It worked.
He went in that room, and woke his father, to let him out. And when they came out, Brian had this, justifiably, victorious look on his face. Kirsten said nothing. DQ, on the other hand, has no fear and spoke right up, "Brian, your mom said you had to stay in your room until she let you out." Well the Asshole took great offense to that. "You need to mind your own business. His Mom and I are here, and I said he could get out. I haven't seen my son in a couple of days. Jesus Christ."

That, dear readers, was my last straw. I WAS PISSED. In any normal situation, I would have blown my fucking top. But picture me here... Home alone, with 5 kids under 12, and 2 drug addicts. I knew I could take Kirsten. She is a shadow of her former self. But Asshole is another story. Lord knows if he is on PCP or some shit... zooming around my house like he is preparing for the end of the world. And I didn't want them to leave the house with Brian. That child deserves a stable life. And as far as I am concerned, my house is the closest he will come to that.

So I texted my husband: You really need to call me at lunch time. I need to talk to you. Then I went and washed dishes and shook from my anger. I was so mad I could barely contain myself. But I waited patiently for his call. When it didn't come, I went to check my email, and he had texted me back: I am trying to call, but no answer.
Asshole was on the phone. And he wouldn't click over. He knew it was my husband. We have caller ID, and call waiting for Christ sakes. Finally I got a text from my husband saying he had clicked over to ask if I could call him back. 30 Mins later, he had to call again and be ignored. He hung up and called again, and just let it ring until finally Asshole gave up and got off the phone.

By the time I talked to him, my husband was raging mad. I told him I wanted that Asshole out of my house. I explained to him what had happened, and told him I was not comfortable having him here. Well that was all my husband needed to hear. Because, as previously stated, My Word Is Final! We decided that Hubby should stay at work until the end of the day, and I would call him if I needed him. Hubby's best friend gets off work early, and would come to the house to hang out with me.

Later that afternoon, the kids were out riding their bikes. Asshole was outside with them, doing God only knows what. I had been out for a while... Trying to teach the girl I babysit how to ride without training wheels. Things were going fine I thought. Until DQ came in to talk to me. She wanted to into my bedroom, so I knew this was serious.

"Mom, you know how you told us, we can't ride our bikes on the street. We have to stay in the court right?" "Yeah" I said to her. "Well, Brian was riding out in the street. And when I told him 'My mom said we have to stay in the court' he said 'My dad said I don't have to listen to Aunt Missy." I sighed a big sigh. I put my hands on either side of her face and said "You trust me right?" She shook her head 'yes'. "Please trust that I will take care of this problem. I am sorry you guys are having to deal with all of this. Trust that I know what I am doing, and you will understand one day soon. For now, just leave Brian alone. If he does something to any of you guys, just come and tell me."

When my husband got home, we debated over the best way to do it. We only wanted him to go. And we didn't want anyone to get hurt. We fully expected we had a fight on our hands. I knew someone was going to jail, at the very least. By bedtime we had decided on a plan of action.

I was not going to spend another day in that house with that Asshole. He was walking around with this 'don't give a fuck' attitude, and a 'what are you going to do about it' tone in his voice. So the next morning, when the kids I watch got to my house, I packed them and my girls in the car, and went to my Mom's house. We hung out there for most of the day until the other kids' mother got home. Then I took all 4 of them over to her house to spend the night. Hubby and I had decided, our children were not going to witness what was about to happen. I was worried that they might get hurt. And it was one less thing to stress about if they were just gone.

His best friend met us back at our house. It was New Year's Eve. We decided to wait until they put Brian to bed. So we went and got some dinner. We came back, and the boys had a couple of shots. And we waited. The plan was to tell him what he had done, tell him he was no longer welcome, and give him money to catch a bus back to Philly. The 11pm bus. At least that was the plan. It was around 9:30 before we realized, they were letting Brian stay up to watch the ball drop. So we said fuck it, and called them into our bedroom.

My husband started out calmly. But as addicts do, they lied and denied everything. Hubby had heard enough, and he let loose on this dude:
"Aside from the misery you have caused my family... Aside from the amount of money you have cost me... The woman standing next to you, who you have been with for 12 years, who has given birth to your child, and should be worshiped for the queen she is . SHE is my Sister." (You should have seen the look on his face when my husband said she should be treated like a queen.) "YOU treat her like shit. You have taught her son to treat her like shit. In my house, we respect women. ALL women. And how dare you tell your son, in front of my little girls, that women are weaker."

Now my husband has had some anger management issues in the past. Which he got help for. He is, for the most part, a laid back guy now. But Asshole made the mistake of taking his kindness for a weakness. Besides the fact that he is 6'1", 215 lbs of muscle, when he gets angry, it's like The Hulk has been released. I was truly amazed that Asshole stood there and took everything my husband had to say. He tried to argue a bit, and talk his way out of some things, but for the most part he just stood there in shock.

It wasn't until my husband was finished and turned to me to ask if I had anything to add, that Asshole's anger began to show. When I had my say, I could tell that women just don't talk to him like that. But I calmly said what was on my mind. He had no problem trying to argue with me. So I put my hands up, shook my head and said "No, No. The problem is, you want to blame everyone else for your problems. Look at yourself. Look at your family. You are homeless, and unemployed with no money. But somehow it's someone elses fault. You need to start taking responsibility for your own life. You have a "wife" and child who you can not provide for. And as far as I can tell, you have no intention of providing for. No one else did this to you. You did this to yourself."
Oh my God. I thought he was going to jump across the room and choke me too. He was so mad. Fist clenched, jaw tight, and his face couldn't have been any redder.

By the time I was done, he had already missed the 11pm bus.

My husband finished with " You need to man the fuck up, and take care of your family. But you are not going to do it here. My wife has said I have to pay for your bus ticket back to Philly, and that's what I am going to do. The bus leaves at 8:30am, you need to be ready to get on it."

I could not believe it. The Asshole said "Let me go pack and say goodbye to the baby." Not even as much as a word in protest. He just left the room. My husband pulled his sister aside and said "I really hope that you will decide to stay." She burst into tears, and shook her head 'yes'.

It was too good to be true. Hubby agreed. After beating her ex with a metal pipe, and choking their last roommate... I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for him to come out of his room with a gun and shoot us all. But we didn't hear another peep from them.

Hubby's friend went home. We watched the ball drop, and hubby and I kissed. With the door locked and wedged, hubby posted up to play video games, until the sun came up. I laid fully dressed, shoes and all, on our bed and fell asleep.

The next morning, we woke them at 7am. Hubby told him we had to leave to catch a bus in 1 hour. He knocked on their door a couple of times. At 7:45 he still had not brought one bag out to go home. A little after 8 my husband blew his top. "I don't know what your trying to pull here. Maybe you think since you've fucked around so long, I will just wait until the afternoon bus, and you can hang around my house until then. I've got news for you. I don't give a shit that your gonna miss the 8:30 bus. You can sit and wait in the bus station. Don't make me call the cops to get you out of my house." At that point he got his ass in gear. Running around the house. Throwing his shit around. I guess he had to wait for the Meth to kick in or something.

My thought was that he wasn't going to leave. That maybe he actually knew the law. The one that basically states: If a person is a residence of a home, you have to give them a 30 day eviction notice.
But I guess not. Hubby took his butt to the bus station, bought a non-refundable bus ticket, and left him there, at around 9am.

~~~To be continued~~~

Next time on The Joys of Life:
Kirsten deals with separation
& we have to deal with her.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

The Joys of Life: Part 4

This is a retelling of events that have already happened...

Previously on The Joys of Life:
Asshole needs to get back to Philly
MIL loans him the money for a bus.

I took Kirsten to my Mother in law's house to pick up the money. I didn't want to do it. I haven't seen MIL in a couple of years. We previously had a falling out, which I will not get into here. I must say she was very supportive and friendly. My husband had kept her informed about what was going on, including the missing pain killers. While I was there she gave me a peace offering to pass along to my husband. A baggie of vicodin to replace what was taken, and, she said "To keep him from killing the Asshole."

Hubby and I laughed about it. There was no way he would go through 50 vicodin. But he was grateful because he could use at least a couple. He tucked them into the drawer of his bedside table.

Sunday afternoon, hubby took Asshole to the bus station. My youngest, Itty Bit, had a playdate at a friends house around the corner. Hubby stopped by a friends house on his way home from the bus station. I had to go to work, so I left DQ and Brian home with Kirsten, with the understanding that hubby would be home shortly.

Well hubby got home to find DQ watching TV, Kirsten passed out on the couch, and Brian was no where to be found. He asked DQ where he was. He was supposed to be outside playing. Hubby couldn't find him. He had a good idea of where he might be though.
When we made plans for Itty Bit's playdate, he kept saying he was going down there too. The child's mother did not want him down there. Her son was not going to be home. And this was supposed to be something special for Itty Bit and her friend. I told him, my husband told him, and his mother told him, he was not going down there on Sunday. We had to keep telling him, because he was convinced he was going to call down to see if the son was home, and go play with him.
So when hubby couldn't find him, he called down to their house, and low and behold... Brian was there. Didn't tell anyone he was going. Just left the house and walked through the neighborhood to the friends house. After he had been told repeatedly not to. Hubby told him to get his ass home. The friends mother never thought to call, because she knows, my kids won't go anywhere without asking me. She assumed we knew.

When I got home from work and hubby told me about it, my blood pressure went through the roof. I went out and called him to tell his mother what he had done while she was asleep on the couch. He tried to tell half truths, but I made him fess up. She sent him to his room for the rest of the night. Which worked for me. I was going to have all the kids at my house for a sleep over. Including a movie and popcorn and smores and he was going to miss out. Maybe he would get the message?
He whined and carried on and she gave in. All I heard was "if you don't stay in there now, you won't get to watch the movie." Um... NO! So I called her out. And explained why that was not a good idea. Told her to blame it on Aunt Missy, but he could not watch the movie.

Later when Asshole called to say he was in Philly, she told him what had happened, and that he was in his room. I could hear that Asshole was mad that his son was being punished. She was trying to explain it, and getting cut off at every corner. I mean really, how is that OK with him? My kids would have been grounded for a week!

After that my house saw a measure of peace for the first time in weeks. When Brian misbehaved, my husband stepped in to reprimand him... and he listened. Brian did what my husband and I told him to do, at least in the moment that we told him to do it. There wasn't as much throwing himself around, and there was NO "I'm telling Daddy." I kept reminding my girls, if there was a problem they have to come tell me about it. My oldest, DQ, was ready to pound this kid into the floor. She is sick and tired of him picking on the little kids.

Asshole was supposed to come back Monday night. But he called to say he wasn't going to make the 3pm bus. He called later to say he was mistaken about a 6pm bus. Then he called again to say he was just going to wait until Tuesday morning, rather than catch the 11pm bus.
Monday evening, Kirsten started going through, what I can only assume, was withdrawls. She was complaining that she was cold and all of her joints hurt. She wanted some of my husbands pain pills. Instead I went out and got her aspirin. She took it and said it helped a little. An hour later she was throwing her guts up in the bathroom.

Tuesday came around and he called again from Philly to say he was getting on the 3pm bus. Hubby got home early from work. He called me into our bedroom. "Where were you today?" he asked. "Well I was here all day." "Where was my sister?" "Why?" I asked "Because I am missing a bunch of Vicodin!" "Well she asked to use the computer in the morning to look for employment. I tried to hover but the kids kept fighting. I suppose the could have taken some when I was back with the kids."

He noticed that the bottle looked light, so he counted. ELEVEN. As best he could tell, there were 11 missing. We decided to confront her. He brought her into our bedroom and asked her. The moment she said "I don't know" he started screaming. I was in the living room with the kids, playing Wii. I had them shut it off and go play in the back bedroom. Then I went in to make sure he didn't choke her. (He wouldn't do that. But he was so angry, I thought I should be there.)

In the middle of all this I had to get up to check on the kids, who were all screaming at each other. I walked in to hear Brian tell me "Itty Bit smacked me across the face." Now I always ask everyone in the room, what their side of the story is. That way everyone has a chance to say their piece, and I can get a better idea of what actually happened. The short of it was that he was torturing her and she had had enough, and slapped him. I thought to myself 'good for you girl'. But she still had to be in trouble for hitting him. Which sucks, because she has NEVER hit another child like that. Not since she was old enough to know that hitting is not nice. I sent her to time out. Then I looked at Brian and said "You are going to stop torturing these kids. Yes she should not have hit you, but you deserved it. YOU are going to start following my rules now. And I don't give a damn what your Daddy has to say on the subject!"

When I got back to our bedroom, he was still chewing her out. Telling her how shit was going to change. Trying to convey the amount of stress having them here has put on our household. When he was done, I tried to be the voice of reason. I asked her "Do you love this man? Are you determined to stay with him?" She said yes. I told her "You are not the strong woman I met years ago. The last time I saw you, you would never have let a man tell you to shut up. He treats you like crap. Like a second class citizen. And how your OK with that I don't know." She started to cry. Then I told her "The reason your son treats you like crap is because his father has shown him that it's OK." There was a lot said that afternoon, and I really wanted to believe her. I want her to succeed. I want her to get rid of the man who has her hooked on drugs, and at his beck and call. I want her to dream again. To want better for herself and her kid.

Next time on The Joys of Life:
The Asshole returns
& Momma puts her foot down.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

The Joys of Life: Part 3

Thanks to all my readers who have shown great concern for my family.
The "Joys of Life" is a retelling of events that have already taken place.

Previously on The Joys of Life:
We learned a lot about our new roommates. The child is violent and undisciplined. The parents are probably drug addicts. And the Asshole has a real problem with women.

I am always amazed when I see people show such disrespect for other people. And watching these 2 is like watching bad reality TV. (OK, all reality TV is bad, but you get the point)

It only took a couple of days before Asshole felt comfortable enough to start moving shit around in our house. Apparently he thought my dishes were set up better his way. Uh... fat chance. I asked him "Are you the one who keeps moving my plates around?" "Yeah, I thought Kirsten was putting them away wrong." "No" I said "that's the way I want them, so knock it off."

How do you let your child sit on my couch watching TV eating my kids halloween candy at 9 o'clock at night? When you know my kids have to start getting ready for bed at 7:30 and we don't allow them to eat after that. My kids were quick to point out "That's not fair" and I had to agree with them. So the next day I told her "My girls said it's not fair, and they are right. He needs to follow the same rules as the girls."

How dare you teach my kids that they can hide snack in their room, after they have brushed their teeth for bed? When you know I am strict about all food staying in the kitchen! Mom and Dad will never know my ass!!! I am a mommy, I know EVERYTHING!

Then I heard of his plan to rewire something in the bedroom so they could put an AC unit in the window. You know, because when summer comes, it's going to get hot in there. I'm thinking to myself, 'Your not going to be here come summer!'

It's becoming clear to me that there are no intentions of getting a job. Any job!!! Despite my bringing home newspapers and letting her use the computer in my bedroom to search the internet. Despite our offer to fix up the other car and let them use that to get to work. Or my offers to drive him to fill out applications. Nope, when Kirsten found a job in the paper make $10 an hour, cash, his response was "Kirsten, I'm worth more than 10 dollars an hour. I mean really..." The tone of irritation in his voice I can't really convey here.

He is worth more than ten dollars an hour, but not worth more than living off his girlfriends family. Being homeless and unemployed. Not being able to provide food for his family, or Christmas gifts for his child. Being worth more than ten dollars an hour apparently means it's OK to take people for everything that they have.

And I know it may sound petty, but can I just mention the sugar. It probably takes my household a month or more to go through a 5 lb bag of sugar . The first week they were here, between the 2 of them, they ate 7 lbs of sugar. Um, OK. So I do my Saturday food shopping and get another 5lb bag. By Tuesday it was GONE and I had to get more. Before the next Saturday came around, that bag was gone too! So husband went and bought a 25 lb bag, threw it up on the counter, and told them "I got a present for you!" Who the fuck goes through 10 lbs of sugar in a week? Maybe a heroin addict, trying to deal with detox?

For those of you who don't know, my wonderful husband is a cabinet maker. Well, one day my lovely cabinet maker took off the tip of his finger with a router. He had to go to the hospital. He was prescribed vicodin for the pain. Someone came into my room at some point and stole some of his vicodin. We couldn't prove it, and there wasn't more than maybe 5 missing, so we let it go. We became more vigilant about locking our door, and hooked up the web cam to record our room when we were gone.

Hubby and I didn't get anything for Christmas. We scraped every last penny we had together so we could make sure Brian had a Christmas as good as our girls. I WAS NOT going to let my girls have gifts to open while he had none. And as I understood it, he would have none! He may be a pain in the ass, but he is still a child. I kept Kirsten informed about what we were getting him. I made him write a letter to Santa, so I would have an idea of what he wanted. I tried to get him what was on his list. Plus clothes and shoes. The boys shoes had holes in the bottoms. (Never mind that his father has a pair of Air Jordans, Nikes and Timberlands, all practically brand new.) Do you think it occurred to them to mention that Brian already had a pile of gifts from other family members? Not once did they say a thing.
Christmas morning comes along, and I woke up super early to find 3 piles of presents. One for each of my girls, and a huge pile of stuff for Brian. I prayed that the girls wouldn't notice. But everyone did. Everyone pointed out the fact that he had so much more than the girls. The girls got over it pretty quickly. I was so pissed. I scrambled to make sure everyone had the same. All his parents had to say to my girls was "Well you guys got bikes." Well yeah, they asked for bikes. He asked for a skateboard, which he got!!! Which I bought for him! And when all was said and done... Did anyone thank us for making sure Santa came for their kid? No. Instead, on Christmas day, they asked to borrow 20 bucks and were pissed the rest of the day when we wouldn't give it to them.

Hubby and I agreed to give them a place to stay. Not drive them back and forth to Philly whenever they needed. The Asshole had a Dr. appointment in Philly on Dec. 28th. At some point they asked my husband to take him for the appointment. I don't know what he said to them, I wasn't there. But I know we were in agreement. No, we can not afford to take him. That would require taking a day off of work, and paying for the trip. Costing us 250.00 bucks. HELL NO! Well she mentioned something about it to me, "When he takes Asshole to Philly... blah blah blah." I told her she needed to talk to my husband again because as far as I knew, he wasn't going to be able to take him. Did she do that? No.

They waited until 2 days before he had to be there, before they dealt with it. Then Asshole was super pissed because he wouldn't take him. Throwing himself around here. Bitchin about everything. Then they called my Mother in law, and asked to borrow the money for a bus to Philly. MIL told me the only reason she gave them the money is she was hoping he just won't come back. Then he was mad that he was going to have to pay her back. Like, hello, idiot. Cheaper to borrow 90 bucks from her than cost us 250.00 to take you. I think that all boiled down to, he wanted to bring more of his stuff back in the car. Oh fucking well.

Next time on The Joys of Life:
More pills come up missing
And the shit hits the fan.

Monday, January 4, 2010

The Joys of Life: Part 2

This is a true story. Some names have been changed.
Previously on The Joys of Life:
My Sister in law, Kirsten, her boyfriend (who shall be known from here on out as Asshole) and their 8 year old son, Brian, became homeless, and came to live with us...

Oh where to begin? If I were an outsider looking in, I wouldn't believe my eyes.
They were not here 24 hours before the boy, Brian, assaulted 2 of my girls.
While I was at work the girl I watch in the afternoon came over to play. For some reason, and I didn't get the whole story, he punched her in the face giving her a bloody nose. AND THEN... when she tried to tell on him, he trapped her in a bedroom and started slamming her head against a wall. And what did his parents do about it? NOT A FUCKING THING! They are lucky I wasn't here to witness the goings on.

Also at some point during the day the kids were all playing outside. Brian hurt Itty Bit. Whether by accident, or on purpose, we will never know. They were up in the tree house at the time. When she tried to leave to tell someone, he trapped her into a corner and started screaming in her face, "I'm Sorry, I'm Sorry, I'm Sorry"

By the time I got my girls to bed that night, my oldest, DQ, was in tears, begging me to make them move out. She was scared that Brian was hurting the 2 younger girls, and his parents weren't doing anything about it. The children in the house had had enough, after day 1.

Asshole treats Kirsten like a second class citizen. He yells at her. Talks to her like she is stupid. The Kirsten I knew a couple of years ago would not have stood for that. But I am suspecting by this time he has her hooked on drugs, and convinced that she can not survive without him. Because she sits there and takes it. When he tells her to shut up, she does.

Asshole has 1 black tooth in the front of his mouth. And when I say 1 black tooth, I mean that is the only tooth he has. Kirsten is missing a couple of front teeth and the 2 she has left in the front look like they could fall out at any moment. The first thing I thought when I saw them was Meth Mouth. And the way he zooms around I am convinced that he is on chrystal meth.

Asshole sleeps until 2 in the afternoon, and only gets up when his kid gets home from school. It took me a while, but I figured out it's because he doesn't want anyone else telling his child what to do... including the childs mother. Because when Christmas break started he started getting up when Brian got up. And when Kirsten does something Brian doesn't like, he looks at his mother and says, "I'm telling Daddy on you." He wants candy and Mom won't let him, he goes and tells daddy on her. He wants to stay up past bedtime, and she says no, he tells daddy. Whatever it may be that the child doesn't want to do, he throws a fit about. And why does he go and tell daddy? Because daddy will immediately come and over rule mom. Give him what he wants and fuss at her for being so hard on him.

That is until Brian pisses the Asshole off. Then all hell breaks loose. My husband was standing in the living room one day when Brian did something to make the Asshole mad. He got up and threw down his coat and squared off with the boy like he was getting into a bar fight. Brian ran, in circles around my husband... and the Asshole chased him. When I heard about this I asked my husband why he didn't close line the man? He said he was just stunned that a grown man would act like that towards a little boy.

I don't know what kind of upbringing Asshole had. Apparently he is under the impression that women have no say on anything. We are here to serve the men, and do what we are told. Now dear readers, you know me.... I am a mouthy opinionated woman. And God help the man who tells me to shut up!
Asshole got a taste of my high self esteem one day and he did not like what he heard:
So he and Kirsten are arguing about something or another. I am just sitting on the couch trying to ignore them. Then he had to go and bring me into it. He asks "Do you have that problem with your husband, he has to argue with everything you say? blah blah blah" Basically he was saying it's a family thing. I ignored him. So he got cocky and said, "See, I can tell by the way your not saying anything, that I am right." Well you know me, mouthy woman that I am... I said "Well I didn't say anything because I was not trying to be nasty about it... But if you really have to know, We don't argue, because my word is final." He shook his head and said "Well than that's really sad". He walked away before I could finish saying what I meant. Hubby and I don't argue over dumb shit. My husband learned long ago, that I am not going to open my mouth to speak on a subject unless I know I am right. And I won't argue with anyone. If you can't agree to see my side of things, or even consider the possibility that I might be right, that's OK. Knowing I'm right is enough for me. My husband knows this. If we are talking about something, and he starts to argue, he actually says, "Oh, your probably right, your always right." And when I say argue, I mean a difference of opinion. Anymore, it has to be a life and death situation before we raise our voices.

One day, we were all milling around the kitchen and Brian mentioned something about "Remember that day when you chased Jeff (their last roommate) down the driveway and choked him?" He was speaking to his dad. Both Asshole and Kirsten got this look on their faces and tried to shush him, but the cat was out of the bag. My husband and I both heard it. Then I found out a couple of days later that Kirsten beat the fuck out of Jeff's girlfriend, the other roommate. Um... hello, this would have been good information to have BEFORE we let them move in. I already knew that Asshole had served time for assault on Kirsten's EX. I didn't realize until he told me the story of how he "Beat the fuck out of that nigger with a metal pipe" His words, not mine. But that was years ago. Them beating up their last roommates was no more than a month ago. This... is not good!

OK, OK. We agreed to give them a place to stay, so they can get back on their feet. We are in it now, and we have to deal with it. We weren't supposed to go get them, but we did. Out of the kindness of our hearts. Or stupidity, how ever you want to view it. My husband and I are trying, as best we can to manage the chaos. My girls are miserable. Brian is torturing them, and I can never catch him in the act. And when all 3 girls come tell me he is being a little shit, his response "nu uh. I didn't do that. They are lying." And it goes on and on... all day everyday.

Next time on The Joys of Life:
The search for jobs and Christmas vacation.