Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Motor Mouth

I don't understand how someone's mouth can run 400 miles a minute as soon as their feet hit the floor...

I am not an overly talkative person. I know this is shocking to readers, but it's true. I write. And even when I do talk it's not at 6:30 am.

My roomie, I swear to God, must talk in her sleep. All day long. And whats worse, is she tells me the same shit over and over. Like she's forgotten whom she told her latest drama to already. I guess that's a good thing. I can pretend to listen and I'm not missing anything because I've heard it already.

The woman follows me around the house. She's talked to me through the bathroom door. I don't even let my kids do that. I'm sittin' there on the pot thinkin' 'Are you fucking kidding me?'

I get that she is girly, and girls chatter. It makes me roll my eyes. Makes me want to stick my finger down my throat, but I get it.

Yesterday was a special kind of day. I was up late and didn't even have coffee in hand yet before she started. At some point she asked what was wrong. "I'm not even awake yet." I told her. She tried like hell to be quiet, but still made noises with out saying words. I knew it was taking all of her strength not to talk.

I was up until nearly 1 with Bobby last night. So another late start for me, and again, before I had coffee in hand, her mouth was moving. This morning I was battered with her theories on free love in Europe, the reasons why we are puritan and prison sex. Great topics for morning coffee... NOT!

Monday, July 29, 2013

Fat Girl

I bet you never would have guessed I got fat! I'm not sure how this happened. Well, I am, but I didn't realize it was happening at all. Truly, I was oblivious. It never registered in my brain that I was wearing size 14 jeans. I didn't take the hint when my knees started hurting more often. I am always the one taking pictures, so I never really saw myself.

And then one day my fat ass stepped on a scale. For the first time in years, mind you. And what I saw almost made me faint.

I stretch to reach 5'2” in height. Keep in mind, pre-children, I was a 110 lb Go-Go dancer.

Young and skinny.

Many years, and two healthy babies later, I looked more like a blob of human. It happened slowly. I suppose that is a contributing factor to why I had no clue. But about two years ago, I stepped on a scale and was instantly pissed. The number: 170

Older and Wider (not wiser)

In the middle

And why was I pissed, you ask? Because no one told me I'd gotten fat. Maybe they were trying to spare my feelings. Maybe they thought I knew. Well I didn't. And I've spoken to the people who are close with me and asked why they didn't tell me. They just laughed and didn't take it serious.

60 lbs overweight is A LOT on a 5'2” frame. A 42” waist was just ridiculous! I had no problems getting motivated to lose it and get back into shape. And I'll tell ya, it came off a lot faster than it went on. All I did at first was quit eating garbage. Limiting my sugar to only my coffee. I also stopped eating so much. I took to heart the “fist size servings” the experts recommend.

When I started seeing improvements, I put more effort in. I started working out. Shadow boxing, dancing and more. It didn't take long... I was getting buff. I didn't make radical changes. Opting instead for the simple things. Parking far from the store so I could walk more. Taking the stairs instead of the elevator. It's the little things, trust me.

Today I am much happier. A 29” waist is so much cuter on me. Sure I'm not at 110, nor do I think I'll ever be again. That's not the goal. It's to be in better shape. To put some effort in. Lemme tell ya, going to the thrift store to buy size 6 jeans, because the 8's won't stay up, is fucking awesome!

Saturday, July 27, 2013

We Call This Progress

 It's official. Itty Bit is the most clumsy. She's now had more stitches than I have.

When she was about 4, she fell and busted her face on a vacuum. It was a nice lightening bolt shaped split that required 3 stitches. It took 3 nurses and me to hold her down so the doctor could stitch her up. She screamed so hard she burst the blood vessels in her eyes.

This time, she slipped in the bathtub and smacked her chin on the edge. I debated just butterflying it at home, but every time she talked, it gaped. So off to the ER we went.

This time it only took me and a nurse to hold her down. She didn't struggle much. Though she did try to bite the nurse. A couple of times actually. She was mostly calm when the Doctor was actually stitching.

We call this progress. Maybe next time, she'll be good and not have to be wrapped up and restrained.

Friday, July 26, 2013

Playing Catch Up

I've been away, and not had time to read all my wonderful blog broads. I promise I am going to catch up. You can read along with me if you like. This is what I'm reading...

All Fooked Up  

Shoulda Been a Stripper

Ann's Rants

Seriously Shawn

I'm Gonna Kill Him


Thursday, July 25, 2013

This One Time...

At Chat Camp...

My readers know I'm a dorky chatter. I know you are all making fun of me, I just don't care... Anyways. Mama Kat issued her writing prompts for this week and it was so funny that #2 on the list was " That one time you went camping"

As it happens I was "Camping" just last weekend. Bobby and I took off Friday morning on a 4 hour drive to go hang out with a bunch of our chat friends. All in all I think 14 people showed up. Bobby brought all his DJ gear and he mixed live. It was streamed into the chat room all weekend. Friday evening was pretty chill. I had a horrible headache so I didn't drink.

Saturday, on the other hand, was a much different story. I think I cracked my first beer at 2 in the afternoon. Anyone who knows me, knows I don't drink often. So when I do it doesn't take much. By 5 or 6 I was toasted. I'd been thrown in the pool a couple of times. We played a drinking game. Music trivia, which I won. I did my victory dance on a speaker. I was subsequently scooped off the speaker and thrown into the pool... again.

Music Trivia Drinking game

At some point during the day, after my hair had been completely destroyed, someone loaned me their flat iron to fix it. Can I just tell you, one thing you don't ever want to do while intoxicated is try to straighten your hair. I burned the hell out of my fingers. Hey! Mirrors are tricky when your trashed.

 Thrown in... Again.

I broke a candle holder and cut my toe on the glass. I know, Only me! No one else was injured during this camping trip. Oh wait, there was that girl I burned with my cigarette. But I don't think she can be blamed for her injury so it doesn't count.

 Playing the part of Obnoxious Brat

All in all, I had a blast. I didn't puke... I didn't get naked.... and my hangover wasn't unbearable. In my book, that's a good night!

 You join in on the writing prompt fun. I tell ya, that Mama Kat broad has a good thing going. Hop on over and see what it's about.

Mama’s Losin’ It

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

In Which DQ is Getting Better

We have been working hard on DQ throughout the Spring. She was on the Ablify, and doing so much better. She was a pleasure to be around again. I could see my little girl was still in there somewhere.

They have changed her meds, because she gained 15 lbs on the Abilify. I'm not sure I like the new one, but we are trying it. I have to option to go back if we want.

We've been able to do more things together. I've had the joy of watching her smile and laugh again. I can't express what a relief it is to know this will get better. Because it's really had to enjoy being a parent when your child gets in your face and says "I don't give a fuck what you think."

Recently we went to the beach in the evening, after the sun had set. We walked in the water with our shoes off. I watched her collect shells with excitement. She was a child again. The angry ball of rage was no where to be seen. It nearly brought me to tears to see her this way. I thought I'd never get her back.

I'm looking forward to more positive changes. And I think she is too.

Monday, July 8, 2013

I Must Be Crazy

Yeah I must be crazy. Actually, I'm very up front with people on this point. My chat name is Crazy Tat2ed Chick. All three of those things are true.

Please don't roll your eyes at this post. Clearly I need to have my head checked.

He is:
6 foot tall with tanned skin and broad shoulders.
His eyes are deep. He thinks they are guarded but I see him clearly just by looking in his eyes.
He is older than me by 5 years. I know, it's a first. Usually the young pups are chasing me down.
He is responsible and mature.
Yet a class clown and the life of the party.
He is giving and kind, almost to a fault.
He can keep up his end of the conversation.

And he is also a chatter. The same chatter who lives 400 miles away. The one I was supposed to be safe from because he was so far away. I know, someone needs to smack me. I swore I would never date another chatter. But he's so fucking charming and charismatic.

When the topic of long distance relationships came up, I told him that I wasn't interested for one reason only.
If things work out and we really get on, we will eventually want to be closer together, right? I can't leave this area, because of my custody situation. And I would never ask someone to leave their job and come here. I'm so freakin' smart and level headed sometimes, it's scary.

But then he says, "Let me make something clear to you, dahlin'"
Oh this is going to be good. He's going to say, he's only DTF, and there will be no long term. I am soooo out!
"My job goes where I go." he says. "I was ready to move to The Beach 2 years ago, and do my job with my toes in the sand."
"My house will be paid off in 2 years and I don't plan to stay here much longer after that."
Well that just threw a wrench in all my carefully thought out logic!
And boy am I glad he did. He came to visit. Sort of a get to know ya, see how we meld kind of thing.

And did I mention he's funny. I was on the phone with him when he dialed up On-Star to get directions to my house. When the lady answered and asked what she could help with, Bobby said, "Yes. I want to go see this really hot girl who lives in virginia beach. Can you tell me how to get to her house."

He is also so sweet and romantic, it's nearly blown me away. While discussing whether I could drive out to see him, he said he would be the one to do the traveling. And when I pouted he said, "Hasn't a man ever cared enough about you to want to do these things for you?" I didn't have an answer for that.

Chatters, as a group, get together sometimes to do dorky stuff. I've been known to plan many get togethers for local chatters. There is a chat camp event coming up. At first there was no way in hell I was going. (Bam was going to be there) Then I thought about it, and I might go, but not tell everyone. And now... Now I can't wait. Bobby and I will get to spend the weekend together, hanging out with our friends and being big chat dorks.

Yeah, Life is Good!

Friday, July 5, 2013

This Motha Fucka

Ah the boys of chat... Bam fucked up my chatting for a long time. I didn't even sign into the chat client for a long ass time, so as not to "bump into" him. Then when I did go back I avoided him. If I went into a room, and he was there, I left. But here's the thing... The room he was hanging out in, everyone else was there too. Seeing as I did nothing wrong, I decided fuck it. I can hang out there and ignore him. Surely we can act like grown fucking adults, right? Right?

Uh, no. Apparently not.

Real quick, for those people who aren't familiar with chat, let me share...
I chat on Paltalk. Each chat room has an owner. Usually the owner designates a couple of people to keep an eye on things. Such as, no nudity on cam or in profiles. (it happens) No bugging the crap out of the girls trying to hook up... you get the idea. These people are called Admins. I quickly figured out why Bam was always in that room, he is an Admin.

Well great. He has the power to kick me out whenever he wants. Whatever. I'll ignore him, and it will be fine. It quickly become apparent that he's trying to get people against me. No one really talks to me. Which is odd, because they used to before. Huh? Ok, it'll just take some time for the newness of the Bam/Missy drama to wear off. They'll see that I'm awesome, and things will go back to normal.

Well let me get straight to the point. Bam is fucking crazy! It takes a while but I finally figure out that while we were dating he installed some kind of program on my laptops that allow him remote access somehow.
He knew the moment I opened a dating profile.
He knew when I started talking to another chatter.
My PayPal got hacked, TWICE. Wonder what that was?
And when I created a different nickname to sing in the room under, he was the only one who knew it was me.

Keep in mind, that we have not contacted each other AT ALL since he told me to keep the ring and hoodie. (I gave the hoodie to DQ.)
The nastiness started slowly. Little barbs that only I knew were meant to be hurtful. So I sent him a quick email asking that we not bring drama in the room and just get along. Water under the bridge and all. And little did I know, that behind the scenes he was telling people all kinds of crazy shit.

Meanwhile, all the girls love him. He gets on cam with no shirt on and they all soak their panties over him. Fine by me. Until they all treat me like crap cuz I'm "The girl who did him wrong" Oh but wait, Didn't he break up with me? Why yes. And wasn't that like 4 months ago? Yes again.

So this room, that everyone likes because they don't put up with drama and bullshit, quickly turns into a cat fight when I start showing up. And for the most part, I have no idea why or whats really going on.

Then the room owner and I start talking a little. I swore I would never date another chatter. But there is no harm in talking to him. He lives 400 miles away. Safe for me cuz nothing could come of this. In my paranoid head, I somehow think he's fucking with me. All the other Admins hate me. Maybe they are trying to play a fast one on me.

Finally, I'm let in on some of the behind the scenes talk. Bam is telling everyone that I'm stalking him. WHAT? You're out your fucking mind son. I had to laugh at that one because I didn't tap into his computer... it was the other way around. Who is stalking who?

The owner (Bobby) and another Admin start catching on to his little barbs. Bobby sees that Bam is talking about parts of private conversations. Bam is warned multiple times to keep it out of the room. And then it hits the fan.

I'm sitting there minding my own business, waiting to play music trivia, when Bam starts posting zingers in the public room. He basically calls me a whore, and warns Bobby that he'll get used. He is warned one last time. Then Bam sends me a virtual gift. Which everyone in the room can see. "A Kick In The Butt". Nice. Fucking mature of you. Way to show your ass moron! I didn't respond. I just sat and watched.

By that point Bobby has had enough. Bam is stripped of his admin rights, booted from the room and banned for life.

He immediately messages Bobby and says "Missy is only talking to you to get to me."

Then he messages another Admin and says he still loves me. Ah, I'm gonna have to call bullshit on that one.

The room looses 2 female admins, because they think Bobby is taking my side, simply because he wants to get with me. People are so clueless. Girls are especially stupid sometimes. No wonder I hang out with mostly guys.

Through out this whole thing, I've given Bobby the short version of what happened between me and Bam. He asked. I was honest. And the both of us are confused, because he broke up with me. There has been no contact since then. Why is he acting like this? Bobby seems to think Bam will try to get me back. And he is worried that I might accept him. Ah, not even if hell froze over!!! Sorry, I don't do psycho.

That night, he was acting like such a lunatic, I was actually scared. I just knew he was going to blame me for him loosing his room. Even though I didn't say a word. But clearly he was not thinking straight. Every time I went outside to smoke, I sat with my Glock in my lap. I'll be the first to tell you, men do stupid shit.

Fast forward a little bit, and I still can't figure out why he acted like that. He's never contacted me directly. Finally, the other day I had an Ah-ha moment. It's an ego thing with Bam, He was thinking when he dumped me that I would pine and cry over him. Beg him back. Clearly he didn't know me well, because Missy does not chase boys. And when I did come back to chat, I didn't start drama. Didn't flirt with him. I ignored him and started talking to someone else... He realized I didn't want him. His little feelings were hurt. His ego bruised. I really don't think Bam wants me back. And even if he did, that bridge burned long ago. No, He doesn't want me. He would like to think I can't live without him. And it eats him alive that our history is no skin off my nose.

Thursday, July 4, 2013

All Settled In

I know, I know. It's been a long ass time since you's heard from me. I'm a busy bitch, what can I say? The house I moved into needed a whole lot more work than I was lead to believe. Every square inch needed paint. And that would have been simple enough, if the last asshole to paint this joint hadn't used oil based paint. For those who don't know, other paints won't stick to oil. FML. But it's almost done now. I'm to the point where I can sit back and enjoy the place.

My roomie is a spaz and she talks way too much for my taste. But... she doesn't have 4 cats that never get cleaned up after. Also, she is pretty clean. I can't bitch too much.

Her kids are great... usually. And we have a nice system of babysitting so we can take turns doing stuff without our kids. Just last weekend I had her kids so she could go camping. I'm awesome right? Yeah, I know.

So there ya have it. I'm back. Don't groan. I heard ya's. It's not that bad. Catch ya on the flip side.