Hunting Season

Ah good ole tourist season. You're probably seen the bumper sticker that reads something like, 'If it's tourist season, why aren't we allowed to shoot them?'

I don't know of any place where that statement rings more true than My beach.  I live in a tourist town. The oceanfront is designed to make money, hand over fist. And I get it, tourist=tax dollars. But damn, do they all have to be as dumb as bricks?

It's starts in May. People trickling in for vacation. By the time the kids are out of school, for the summer, the place is crawling with bodies. Swarms of people, like waves of bugs. And it doesn't let up until September. Us locals actually have a take back the beach weekend. 

There are a couple of things, in particular, that bother me about tourist season.

First, I park across the street from my shop. There is a whole row of open spaces for me to choose from between September and May. And then, because the shop is next to the lifeguard station house, all these pimply faced, non-driving, know-it-all teens and twentysomethings take my spots. All Of Them!!! Between May and September, my brother and I do a lot of juggling cars around in his one lane spot. It's a massive pain in the ass.

Second, the traffic. Car AND foot. Maybe they think that since they are on vacation, no one else is working either. But for Christ's sake, I've got places to be. Most of my work IS at the oceanfront. So while they leisurely walk across the street, by the hoards, I have to crawl to work at 5 mph, so as not to run one of them over. And don't get me started on the cars! I've actually stuck my head out of my car window and screamed at assholes blocking intersections. 

And last, the trash. The city tries to keep up, I suppose. But by the time all these bugs go back home, it's hard not to notice the ciggarette butts, and plastic food wrappers all in the sand. How can people be so freakin' rude?

Don't be surprised to hear this phrase coming out of my mouth, repeatedly, for the next 4 months, "fucking tourists!"