Friday, February 22, 2013

The Case Against Marriage

The one and only point in my case against marriage is divorce. When we accept that life is not a fairytale and there is no guarantee of a happy ending, it's much easier to see my point.

Did I mention how much I missed blogging? I feel this urge to catch you all up on everything that's happened in the last 2 years. I won't bore you with the details though. I'm not that cruel. I'll just give you some of the highlights.

Please Note:
From here on out my husband will be referred to as The Douche.

Divorce is hard. I had no idea it takes so much work to sever a contract such as this. When I first kicked him out I told people, "I'll never get married again. I'd rather take my tattoos off with a belt sander!" I think I'll always feel that way. If I get to the point of spending the rest of my life with someone, they will love me enough to understand my views on marriage. Or they can continue the journey without me.

It's expensive. And yeah, I have a job, but it barely covers my bills. He refuses to pay his child support. We still use some food stamps. I can't afford a lawyer. So I'm stuck with a legal aid guy, who is so swamped he doesn't know if he's coming or going. Meanwhile The Douche has a shark of a lawyer. I'm getting my ass handed to me in court. It took me a year worth of court dates to figure something out: My lawyer is not as interested in winning as he is in keeping the peace. I've been taking his advice under the assumption he's doing his best. Boy was I wrong. If we were to judge each hearing on a win/lose basis, I've lost every one. I talked to another lawyer that I'd heard might be willing to work with me on money. He won't take my case because it's too complicated, and doesn't think any other lawyer will work with my money situation either.

How is it that the playing field is so unfair? It doesn't matter that he was a complete asshole who used drugs and drank our whole marriage. It doesn't matter that it took a protective order to get him out of my house. All that matters is, he can afford a lawyer, so he wins. I'm still looking for another lawyer.

Divorce is unfair. At least in Virginia. As a mother of minor children going through a divorce, it's frowned upon to have a boyfriend. Even if the case drags on for years. But it's perfectly acceptable for him to live with his new girlfriend three months after I kick him out. No one sees any problem with him knocking her up, (poor girl) while he is still technically married to me. But I can't go on a date!

Oh man, I do sound bitter! Let me clear that up right now. I was thrilled when he got a girlfriend who lived 45 mins away from me. It meant he was no longer sitting outside of my house at 4 am every morning. He quit stalking me when he moved in with her. I thought that was wonderful.

His lawyer tired to appeal the Protective Order. I explained to my lawyer: I don't need the protective order anymore. I moved to a house with an alarm system. I bought a German Shepherd who sounds terrifying. I open carry a Glock 34. I don't live in fear anymore. But I DO NOT want the order overturned. Because I have no doubt some other poor girl will have to go the same route to get rid of him. When that happens I want the courts to see he's had these problems before. I feel sorry for the girl he's with now. They have a newborn baby together. She is tied to him for life. It's my hope that if she needs to get out, my protective order might make it easier on her. The order expired before we could go to court about it. So it stands in his record.

Divorce is funny. When I took off the rose colored glasses and really looked at my ex, I laughed. A lot! He named our daughter Alexis, so he could call her Lex. As in Lex Luther from Superman. About a month ago, his girlfriend gave birth to another daughter. They named her Lana, a character from Smallville, a show about...Superman. I laughed so hard I nearly peed. I wonder if they have a boy will they name him Kalel?

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