Boss: Go clean the men's restroom.
Me: Nah, I quit!
I don't know if 3 words irritate me more than, "You Need To..."? My response, in my head anyway, is 'You need to fuck off.' It's not always a good idea to talk to other people this way though.
My mom uses the phrase in many creative ways:
When my kids were little...
During my divorce...
Yelling is as bad as spanking...
You get the point. My mom, bless her heart, likes to tell me what to do. As far as she's concerned I don't know my ass from my elbow. Even at 38, she thinks I still need to be guided through life. I can almost tolerate her telling me what do to, not that I take her advice often, because she is my mom.
My roommie telling me how to live my life...? Oh Hell NO! Just Friday she tried a couple of them on me:
"You need to tell DQ to stay out of Itty Bits room. You don't want her to get sick, too."
"You need to get Itty Bits make up work from school so she can do it over the weekend."
As I'm getting ready to walk out the door for work.
These two seem pretty innocent, but she's been known to make her opinion public with other zingers such as:
"You need to slap her in the face when she talks to you like that."
Speaking about DQ, and her love for talking back to me.
"You need to stop letting Itty Bit go on visitations with Douche."
My lawyer strongly disagrees. So did the judge. I have an aversion to jail, but thanks.
YOU need to get off your ass and clean something in this pit of a house that YOU own!
You need to give your husband some sex so he'll stop being cranky!
You need to come back to reality and stop thinking the world revolves around you!
You need to keep your opinions on child rearing to yourself. Because your two children are both grown up drug addicts. You don't even know if the eldest is dead or alive. Clearly, you don't know shit!
Another one who gets my panties in a bunch... Bam. While Bam is around my age, he does not have any children, of his own. But that didn't stop him from verbalizing his opinion on how I should deal with mine.
While I believe Bam's suggestions are well intentioned without malice, I know he doesn't have the experience to speak.
You need to gain DQ's respect.
Actually I didn't do anything to lose her respect. She is being a bat shit crazy teenager.
You need to let Itty Bit call her dad.
No I don't. The court order does not specify that. And she didn't ask to.
You need to spend more quality time with DQ. Take her out and do something.
Sorry, but I'm not rewarding bad behavior by spending money on the movies or new clothes.
Unlike my mom, who I love, or my roomie, who I loath, I've explained my disdain for the phrase to Bam. I told him that nothing makes me want to do the complete opposite faster than telling me I need to...! I had no problem telling him that he doesn't have kids, and he hasn't lived with DQ for 14 years. He really isn't qualified to decide what should be done. I told him that I need him for support, and someone to vent to. That I was never requesting him to solve my problems.
He says he understands and he will try to stop. Every now and then he will still make a suggestion. I just raise my brow and say, "I need to, huh?"
Bam: Sorry, babe.
Yeah... and for the record, I don't like "See, what did I tell ya?" either!!!