Tell My Mama What

Another fabulous writing prompt from Mama Kat:
5 Things You Should Never Say to Your Mother

My mom is 76 years old. Be that as it may, she is still about all most of her wits. She is my favorite adult person. She is the one I turn to when I need to vent or moan about a problem.

Still, as close to being a Girlfriend as she is, there are things I would never say to her. It might be funny to see her reaction though, if I were brave and not with-in smacking distance.

1: You would not believe the amazing sex I had last night.
     I know! This one is obvious. But still. My Mom and I have been known to get tipsy on a bottle of wine together. It would be nice if I could share something good for a change.

 2: I got my tongue pierced. And then stick your tongue out to show her.
     I'm telling you this one from experience. Because, at age 26, I did just that. She was so mad she threw a 2 liter. It was at that point I decided not to tell her I got my nipple done, too.

3: Your best friend and I had a chat today about sex. She encouraged me to masturbate and wanted to know if I had toys.
     Yeah... this is a true story. My Mom's best friend and I had this exact conversation, when I was single. She has since passed away, and I want my Mom to remember her friend as not being a perv.

4: You were much nicer when you smoked.
     My Mom is one of THOSE people, when it comes to smoking. She smoked for years. She has since been a non-smoker for years. She acts like my smoking is a personal assault on her.

5: Your other daughter is a bitch!
     Some of you know, my Mom is my foster Mom. To me she will always be My Mom. She had adult children by the time she got me. My "sister" has never liked me. Or my kids. Or really anyone else that I know of. She looks down her nose at all of us. Unless she needs my Mom to fly to California to take care of her kid for three weeks.

You can play too.