Friday, March 8, 2013

Hey Whatyerface

Things you'd say to people if you thought it would make a difference.

Dear Vitamin Water,

Putting the Fruit Punch flavor in the Mega pack of Vitamin Water I get from BJ's is NOT going to make it any more palatable to me. And seeing as I can't give this shit these bottles away, I think everyone else agrees.

Thank you.
The Triple X Junkie

Dear The Douche,

You didn't get anything for Itty Bit's birthday last year. Are you planning on a repeat this year? I'm pretty sure she's going to notice. And FYI, no, a new baby sister does NOT count!

Also, I appreciate your inability to pay your last 6 installments of child support. Really I do. Because I was so looking forward to applying for food stamps again. I missed people looking at me like I'm lazy white trash because I'm paying for our food with their tax dollars.

Your Gun toting ex-wife

Dear Bam,

You asked me to communicate better with you, and I made an effort. When I broke down and showed you my raw emotions, bared my soul to you, showed weakness, you dropped me like a lead balloon. You showed me, I was right to keep these things to myself in the first place. So... thanks for that.

Happily Single Missy

Dear Free Will Baptist Church,

The “FWB” acronym on the back of your church van did not inspire very Christian thoughts at all. It did inspire me to laugh my ass off and then want to hook up with the neighborhood hottie, who I may or may not watch while he walks his dog.

The Twisted drive behind you

Dear Self,

You're dealing with a lot right now. Kudos for not having a nervous breakdown. We think you need a vacation. You're not going to get one. We just wanted to point out that you deserve one.

Fond Regards,
Your other personalities.


  1. Friends with Benefits, that is a good one, I will admit I had to look it up....I am so not with acryonoms. Wish you could take that vacation.

  2. Hailing from Stacy's Uncorked, and I'm glad to stop by. Love your idea to use your blog as a sounding board, and your wit sure is cool! LOL Have a great weekend! Oh, and I say go ahead and look at the neighborhood hotty! I WOULD!

  3. Oh, and there's many ways to taking vacations. When I was a single mother with 4 kids (& a similar x-husband), but only thing is I didn't want his money because that would mean staying in contact with him & then I could get FULL legal custody & he had NO RIGHTS and I won! Vacations are wherever you are. Whether a day off of work, sleeping late and not getting dressed all day is the vacations I use to take. Chin up girl everything happens for a reason & when on door closes another opens is my firm belief. I'm your latest follower - nice to meet ya!

  4. I loved the "FWB" that is too funny right there!

    I came over from Stacy's blog hop and now your newest follower of all of your personalities. ;-)

    ~Naila Moon

  5. FWB. I used to have one of those. (deep sigh..)

  6. "I feel loved and adored" and that is a very good thing. You write ina way that reads easily and cleanly. I am sorry that your daughter is having some problems and I hope to hell she gets on the meds that will stabilize her. I hate those Prior Authorization Assholes. Hope it gets straightened out. I am inspired by your DREAM tatt.


Thanks for taking the time to leave your comment here. I feel loved and adored. Sorry about the extra security, but I'm tired of getting emails from Anonymous users posting junk in my comments.