Things
you'd say to people if you thought it would make a difference.
Dear
Vitamin Water,
Putting
the Fruit Punch flavor in the Mega pack of Vitamin Water I get from
BJ's is NOT going to make it any more palatable to me. And seeing as
I can't give this shit
these bottles away, I think everyone else agrees.
Thank
you.
The
Triple X Junkie
Dear
The Douche,
You
didn't get anything for Itty Bit's birthday last year. Are you
planning on a repeat this year? I'm pretty sure she's going to
notice. And FYI, no, a new baby sister does NOT count!
Also,
I appreciate your inability to pay your last 6 installments of child
support. Really I do. Because I was so looking forward to applying
for food stamps again. I missed people looking at me like I'm lazy
white trash because I'm paying for our food with their tax dollars.
Regards,
Your
Gun toting ex-wife
Dear
Bam,
You
asked me to communicate better with you, and I made an effort. When I
broke down and showed you my raw emotions, bared my soul to you,
showed weakness, you dropped me like a lead balloon. You
showed
me, I was right to
keep these things to myself in the first place. So... thanks for
that.
Love,
Happily
Single Missy
Dear
Free Will Baptist Church,
The
“FWB” acronym on the back of your church van did not inspire very
Christian thoughts at all. It did
inspire me to laugh my ass off and then want to hook up with the
neighborhood hottie, who I may or may not watch while he walks his
dog.
Sincerely,
The
Twisted drive behind you
Dear
Self,
You're
dealing with a lot right now. Kudos for not having a nervous
breakdown. We think you need a vacation. You're not going to get one.
We just wanted to point out that you deserve one.
Fond
Regards,
Your
other personalities.
Friends with Benefits, that is a good one, I will admit I had to look it up....I am so not with acryonoms. Wish you could take that vacation.
ReplyDeleteHailing from Stacy's Uncorked, and I'm glad to stop by. Love your idea to use your blog as a sounding board, and your wit sure is cool! LOL Have a great weekend! Oh, and I say go ahead and look at the neighborhood hotty! I WOULD!
ReplyDeleteOh, and there's many ways to taking vacations. When I was a single mother with 4 kids (& a similar x-husband), but only thing is I didn't want his money because that would mean staying in contact with him & then I could get FULL legal custody & he had NO RIGHTS and I won! Vacations are wherever you are. Whether a day off of work, sleeping late and not getting dressed all day is the vacations I use to take. Chin up girl everything happens for a reason & when on door closes another opens is my firm belief. I'm your latest follower - nice to meet ya!
ReplyDeleteI loved the "FWB" that is too funny right there!
ReplyDeleteI came over from Stacy's blog hop and now your newest follower of all of your personalities. ;-)
~Naila Moon
FWB. I used to have one of those. (deep sigh..)
ReplyDelete"I feel loved and adored" and that is a very good thing. You write ina way that reads easily and cleanly. I am sorry that your daughter is having some problems and I hope to hell she gets on the meds that will stabilize her. I hate those Prior Authorization Assholes. Hope it gets straightened out. I am inspired by your DREAM tatt.
ReplyDelete