Thursday, July 24, 2014

Reopen that wound

If you tuned in yesterday you are well aware of the heart break I've been dealing with. I don't know how well I'm succeeding but I'm attempting anyway.

I was doing ok. Surviving on boring first dates and movie nights alone. I had been nearly two months since I last wrote to Bam. One night I was sitting in my reading chair with a good book when this text came to my phone:

UNKNOWN: Missy, this is Bam's gf of 8 months and i don't appreciate u stalking MY man time for u to move on! u had ur chance and blew it he is happy now ttfn

No, I didn't just have a seizure while typing that. It's exactly as I received it, except I changed his real name to his blog name, Bam.

I sat there dumb struck for a moment. I mean, who the hell randomly texts someone they have never met with some stupid shit like that? Immediately I equated her with a child. I answered her though. Just to clear it up:

MISSY: I haven't tried to contact him in almost 2 months. Safe to say I got the message. But if it makes you feel better to piss on his leg, mission accomplished.

UNKNOWN: Makes me feel wonderful! Glad u caught a clue cause a hint 4 u... U sound like a psycho stalker... Js ttfn

MISSY: Really? And "ttfn" is a completely normal, adult sign off (winky smiley face) Just take good care of him, and I'll leave you guys alone. Deal?

I knew she was baiting me and I wasn't getting sucked into that drama. Clearly, since she is up to date on his personal mail, she knows I haven't written in two months. So why now, so out of the blue? Like I said, she was looking for a fight. Trust that I ain't that girl. If you want to get down and dirty with me, put on your big girl pants and do it face to face. Until then, you aren't even a blip on my radar.

This whole exchanged bugged the crap out of me for so many reasons. First, I was doing better. I still love him, still miss him. BUT I'm capable of seeing that he didn't intend to reconnect. I was leaving it alone. And then this girl comes to open old wounds.

It strikes me as odd that she would text me. I have never met or spoken to her before. So I put some thought into how she got my number. I suspect she read his mail without his knowledge. I suspect he had no idea that she text me. Because, of Bam, I know this much; He does not like drama! I would be shocked if he'd given her the number and asked her to text me. He is a peace keeper. Content to leave well enough alone. I can't picture him inviting a cat fight into his life. I'm pretty confident that if he knew she text me he would be livid.

And since those texts, I'm back on the Bam wagon. Fuck My Life. In my head I contemplate every possible scenario. Maybe he never got the letters... Maybe she intercepted them. Maybe it was really him texting me to see if I would fight for him. Though I would think he knows better. I told him I only want him to be happy. Even if it's with another woman. Maybe I should send another letter but write it to her, since I know she's going to be the one reading it. Maybe, they are having issues because he still isn't over me, and she felt it necessary to be on the offensive.

You see my problem now? I was doing fine, and I do mean that as the acronym, but still. I was leaving it alone and now I feel the drawn right back in. Why can't I just walk away?

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