Love The Pain

If you didn't know, I used to weight 170 lbs. Yeah, don't ask. I'm 5'2" on a good day. There was no good reason to justify being that heavy.

I lost all of that weight VERY quickly, and have managed to keep it off for the most part.

I go through phases of working out intensely and then slacking off a bit. If there are no boys around to distract me with morning sex, I'm excellent about keeping a routine.  I do 45 mins of cardio/core training in the morning 5 days a week, at least. This is what I work out to usually.

About 4 weeks ago, I added a changed diet to my "healthy" lifestyle.
After I "workout" I eat a healthy breakfast. This is new for me as of the last couple months. I used to not eat anything until lunch time. But now I eat yogurt with banana and granola in it. Or cottage cheese with whole wheat toast.
For lunch it's protein or fiber bar with yogurt or fruit. Or a huge salad from the market. If I feel hungry, I eat something that's good for me. And of course I drink tons of water. I've always done that though. I noticed right away when I started changing my diet that I had more energy. I wasn't ready to throw in the towel after lunch. I don't nap in the middle of the day... usually.

In the evening, if it's not 100 degrees or pouring down rain, I walk. 1.5 miles. This only takes me 15 mins, but I break a sweat and burn off some energy. Gives me a few minutes without distraction to think, breathe and move.

And here's the thing, I don't do these things to look good. I have no intention of being a hard body again. I'm happy with the combination of soft and strong that I am now. I exercise and eat right so that I can splurge without guilt. I like bloody rare steak. I like chocolate cake. I like beer. And I partake in these things, within reason, and don't think twice about it.

During the holidays when I bake enough cookies to fatten up the U.S. Army, I gain a couple pounds. Every batch must be sampled damn it. And... every time I walk past the table where they are cooling, one jumps in my mouth, despite my protest. It's ok, I love cookies. I'm well aware this trend won't stop. Don't care.

Last summer I got down to 125. A very lean 125. It didn't look good on me. People were telling me I was too skinny. My ribs were sticking out. My ideal weight is now 135. But I confess, I don't step on a scale often. I don't think that number is important. How I feel, how my clothes fit... those are the things that count.

Now... aside from the extra energy and generally feeling good, I'm addicted to the pain. When I take it up a notch. When I change it up a bit. When I push it just a little more. That feeling you get when you work hard. Mine comes 2 days later and I know it's good. The tenderness, the sore feeling you get in your muscles when they are growing.

I told myself when I got back into my routine this spring I wasn't going to build muscle. I used to shadow box with weights. But when my arms started looking like a guys arms, I stopped the weights. I don't want to be a hard body. I think it's good to be strong AND have the softness of a female. But the burn, the stretch, the pain feels good to me.